Your significant other is right for you but isn’t of the culture or language you grew up in? But all the pieces fit right in the marriage that they even make the differences seem right.
When I look at genuinely happy couples, the crucial pieces just smoothly fit together and noone is forced or made to be a certain way for the relationship.
Plus, priorities change when we are in all these difference age groups.
In our 20s we have to marry within our culture, religion, clan and language so our parents will be happy so we can have 2 kids preferably one boy to continue the family name…blah blah blah
But when I look at desis in their 40s even 50s they don’t need to follow these rules. All they want is a companion with whom there is mutual happiness.
Re: Is there anybody here that married outside of their culture or language?
Not sure if your familiar with “mipuris” but there’s loads of them in the UK. My cousin married one and everyone was dead set against it just purely on the basis that they are mirpuris, i.e. different language and clan.
However, aH they’re happily married! so no, in order to be happy non of the above really matter. Just the fact that you get along with each other and are compatible.
Re: Is there anybody here that married outside of their culture or language?
I know A LOT of people who married outside their “tribe” in Pakistan. I don’t use the word “caste”, it’s not the correct term.
I know A LOT of people who married non-Pakistanis when they were of Pakistani descent. I know people who have married people of other races altogether. They’re all happy.
This stupid need to marry within your tribe was something Rasullullah SAW tried to eradicate centuries ago, and here we are, doing the same crap. Given that there is such an emphasis on religion in Pakistan, it’s really surprising that these basic practices are not part of Pakistani mentality.
I mean, we make such an issue of Punjabi vs. Urdu speaking vs. sindhi vs. pathan vs. memon/gujrati vs. bengali, vs. south indian vs. UP vs. sri lankan vs. balochi etc. But we forget we’re all basically the same race. Syed vs. Non-Syed. All bakhwaas.
Meanwhile Rasullullah (SAW) married women of varied races and ages and backgrounds. And he asked that tribes marry into one another.
I just don’t think Pakistanis have much ground with their religiosity honestly. The amount of Islam ACTUALLY practiced in Pakistan is miniscule. Maybe this is why no matter how many namazein we read and we wear burqas now and have beards, the state of Pakistan is still DISMAL.
Re: Is there anybody here that married outside of their culture or language?
I’m the first one in the family marrying someone outside syeds and punjabis, and even Pakistani. There’s been a lot of pushback (even from my own parents) but they’re slowly learning to accept it (kinda have to, wedding is in a few months).
The one thing I’ve learned is that even though it seems like the puzzle pieces fit together smoothly, they probably don’t. My parents are both from lahore, punjabi, syed, similar fam background but there was a lot of adjustment on both parts to make the marriage work. It’s just about how open minded you are and willing to compromise to make it work.
Re: Is there anybody here that married outside of their culture or language?
Yup exactly. Especially your last paragraph. Pakistanis have a lot of cultural customs that get mixed up with religion. They’ll pray 5x a day but neglect other things that make up humanity and decency.
Re: Is there anybody here that married outside of their culture or language?
It shouldn’t be like you are going against all family to be with this person correct? I’ve seen it where a christian and a Jew both of the same culture but he is from one state and she is from another state so different language and subculture but most of the pieces fit because both love and care for each others’ well being. It seems from the outside that they should be ripping each other apart but they are still happily married and it looks like in love.
I mean they are in love so much that they are the kind of people that wouldn’t contemplate why a relationship would fail. Perfect happiness. They’ve been married for more than 15+ years.
Re: Is there anybody here that married outside of their culture or language?
There have been lots of inter-racial marriages in my family but in all of those cases - it was a male Pakistani who was married to a female non-Pakistani and in some occasions, non-Muslim
My parents really took their time giving their approval for my match with a Muslim, non-Pakistani male but in the end, it was my mum (who is the more religious one) who conceded that according to the Prophet (PBUH) example - it was religion and not culture that deemed a life partner suitable.
I’m getting married in Dec 2015 and my entire immediate and extended family has been hugely supportive as have his.
Of course, the reason we wanted to get married was mutual attraction but the approval of our families has really strengthened our bond.
Re: Is there anybody here that married outside of their culture or language?
This thread reminded me of something.
A few weeks ago a lady called my mom to see if she knew of a qualified rishta in her circle for her son. She specifically said…I would actually prefer a converted Muslim if you know of any…we have a Chinese Muslim bahu in our family and everyone loves her dearly. After meeting her, I decided I don’t want to narrow my search to only Syed families.
Re: Is there anybody here that married outside of their culture or language?
not married yet but yes would definitely consider it, thankfully i come from a very open-minded family, we’ve already had several reverts marry into our family so i know it won’t be a big deal so long as he is a muslim
Re: Is there anybody here that married outside of their culture or language?
No one in my family has married ‘out’ of their culture yet- heck, not even out of braadri so far. My parents are fortunately very liberal in this matter, they even once very seriously considered an Arab guy for me. I think as long as two people are Muslim and compatible, the rest does not matter.
Re: Is there anybody here that married outside of their culture or language?
**
Its not just matter of different language and clan.The mirpuris in UK have a very bad reputation and because of this non-mirpuris dont like them for bringing bad name on pakistanis.I have even heard they are considered backward type people.
Re: Is there anybody here that married outside of their culture or language?
I married outside of my culture/language. He’s a kutchi, they originate from a city in India called Kutch and kutchi is also their language; a strange mix of Hindi, Urdu, Gujarati and Punjabi lol. I am a Pakistani, born in Lahore, but raised in England since the age of 1. I speak Urdu. My mum was a big apprehensive when I approached her about it, because she had never heard of this type of culture before, nor had I tbh. Alhumdulillah I’ve fit into the family well. Been over 3 years since we’ve been married!
Re: Is there anybody here that married outside of their culture or language?
I married into a Kutchi family too lol. My husband was born and raised in Karachi but came to US at around age 15, I’m born and raised in U.S. from a family originally from Hyderabad, India.
17 years and 3 kids later, still going strong Alhamdullilah :khatti:
Re: Is there anybody here that married outside of their culture or language?
I know of a punjabi who got married to a pathan and another who got married to a mirpuri. There were a few fireworks regarding these marriages especially the mirpuri-punjabi one with the family not accepting and being like what will the ‘others’ say, but all is good now. I guess families want to keep their clan/caste alive with future generations but in western countries, in this day and age who gives a toss where your from back home or what your clan/caste (whatever it’s called) is.
Re: Is there anybody here that married outside of their culture or language?
Ah cool! Did you have a lot of cultural differences? How did you cope? Also have you picked up on the language? And are your kids learning kutchi too? Sorry for the questions! I haven’t met anyone on here who’s married into a kutchi family!
