Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
this is so terrible..do make lots of duas this ramadan to get your family out of this mess...secondly..Have you tried getting a solution through the Federal Shariat court in Islamabad?i think it might be a speedy process through it.
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
The best gift a man can give to himself on his marriage is to give the right of divorce to the bride.
To start with, the source of the problem here might be multinick herself. I am 100% sure that if multinick's bhabi comes here and writes her ordeal, it will equally be a harrowing story. A sister should have enough sense to let her brother's marriage work, without her becoming a part of the problem in the initial days. She coming here and writing this story in detail is typical attitude to justify her point of view and getting acceptance of it. This also highlights her as somehow part of the problem. People should realize that multinick is only presenting one side of the picture. A breaking marriage should never be taken lightly. I am not saying bhabi is not at fault. Bhabi is indeed manifesting all the colours of a typical, low intelligence, spoiled brat.
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
^what type of complaints do you expect that compelled her to leave her husband in 6 weeks of marriage for the first time?
anyways, Her brother and her lawyer went to my mom’s place yesterday and dropped a court summon against my brother. when asked what was it about and they said we’ll get to know the details in the court and the girl wants a divorce. when asked why not a khula and they told because they have claimed all jewellery,bari and her remaining jahaiz and wont surrender the haq mehr.
So we are hiring a lawyer now for the proceedings since we got to know it is the lawyer only who will need to go to the court to get the copy of what they claimed/blamed whatever.
her dad has been calling all my mamu’s and relatives telling them cooked up stories how I and my sister KICKED her out of her house one night when her dad had to come and take her away and how she has gone psychotic because she felt we would kill her one day what not 
My mom forbade me to do anything about it and let them go ahead or else I am all ready to call her relatives to do the same to them! Her mom works in the same medical college where I graduated from and I honestly feel like printing a story and putting up on a notice board there and in her dad’s unit at hospital ! He is going to kick my husband off his unit anyways so that doesnt matter 
I know I wont do any of above since it is not civil but this is what they deserve after all the BS they are doing ! And we still have no idea what’s waiting for us in the court !
Allah does everything for better ! My brother was really upset and reluctant to go ahead with filing a divorce (like her dad told my mamu that they are ready for it) but they made it easy for us by going ahead with it before us !
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
So much for arranged marriages and joint families.. I wonder when desi will stop being a synonym for caveman...
And if the girl and her family want a divorce, why are you so hell bent on preventing it. Let them live their life as they see fit.
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
what does this have to do with 'joint families' ? when will people realise that they should go to an orphanage and find a match for their daughters if they dont want them to live in joint families? OR atleast they should talk straight to make it a condition for the marrying their daughter off prior to baat pakki if they see that the guy lives with her mother already ?
we are not preventing it at all. My brother has been through bad stress throughout this marriage and is already done with it. We tried talking to him about a last try for reconciliation but he says I cannot tell you details about her since I want to keep a 'parda' of her ill-doings,but I assure you that she doesnt want to come back at all..iss liay aap bhi chup kar jao. we feel really bad for him but MA he is strong and is contented with whatever Allah has decided for him. we cannot force her to live if she doesnt want to ! it's just that the word 'divorce' itself has some type of uncomfortable feeling attached to it and leaves me wondering how easy is it for them to do this with a girl within 4 months of wedding.I really hope this is not their way of dealing things all her life warna iss tarah 6 dafa shadi hogi uski before she gives up ! I feel sorry for them already !
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
what does this have to do with 'joint families' ? when will people realise that they should go to an orphanage and find a match for their daughters if they dont want them to live in joint families? OR atleast they should talk straight to make it a condition for the marrying their daughter off prior to baat pakki if they see that the guy lives with her mother already ?
we are not preventing it at all. My brother has been through bad stress throughout this marriage and is already done with it. We tried talking to him about a last try for reconciliation but he says I cannot tell you details about her since I want to keep a 'parda' of her ill-doings,but I assure you that she doesnt want to come back at all..iss liay aap bhi chup kar jao. we feel really bad for him but MA he is strong and is contented with whatever Allah has decided for him. we cannot force her to live if she doesnt want to ! it's just that the word 'divorce' itself has some type of uncomfortable feeling attached to it and leaves me wondering how easy is it for them to do this with a girl within 4 months of wedding.I really hope this is not their way of dealing things all her life warna iss tarah 6 dafa shadi hogi uski before she gives up ! I feel sorry for them already !
No offense, but if you are half as zealous in real life as you are on GS, then things were bound to go downhill.
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
w*hat does this have to do with 'joint families' ?*
Everything.
[QUOTE]
we are not preventing it at all. My brother has been through bad stress throughout this marriage and is already done with it. We tried talking to him about a last try for reconciliation but he says I cannot tell you details about her since I want to keep a 'parda' of her ill-doings,but I assure you that she doesnt want to come back at all..iss liay aap bhi chup kar jao. we feel really bad for him but MA he is strong and is contented with whatever Allah has decided for him. we cannot force her to live if she doesnt want to ! it's just that the word 'divorce' itself has some type of uncomfortable feeling attached to it and leaves me wondering how easy is it for them to do this with a girl within 4 months of wedding.I really hope this is not their way of dealing things all her life warna iss tarah 6 dafa shadi hogi uski before she gives up ! I feel sorry for them already !
[/QUOTE]
Why? The girl obviously doesn't' want to live with your brother and that's her choice.
Things often don't work out between couples and sometimes its not anyone's fault; the husband and wife just aren't compatible.
Also, I feel that the girl's story will be very different from yours. Sisters and mothers do seem to always view their son or brother as an angel, cruelly wronged by his wicked wife.
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
^thanks for your analysis :halo:
whatever was her side of story, good for her because she is going to be free from a family she and her dad felt didnt meet with her standards of living ! We really hope they find a ‘suited’ match for her in future IA.
As for being mother/sisters of the boy, believe me there is no fun breaking his married life and creating mess and then getting involved in all the BS going on when we all have our own lives and responsibilities to look after AND then going through hassle of finding another match and wedding :halo:
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
Why doesn't your brother just go ahead and give her an immediate divorce? Just say the 3 talaaqs and get it over with. There's no point now in saying she did this, her family is claiming is that, or your brother did this, etc. It's clear that the relationship has no future. If she's going to court and is going to come up with what we're assuming are lies, or she's going to air her dirty laundry in public... would your brother and family be willing to accept her back? I'm guessing not. Why hire lawyers over a haq mehr and what not? If her family really wants the money, just let them keep it. Throw it in their faces. It seems like a waste to go through lawyers, court cases, and time to hear negative things. If she and her family are truly behaving like that, they're likely going to have issues in the future too if the daughter gets remarried- they're not worth the headache to your brother and family.
If they retaliate and say negative things in the job environment- just say that you all are trying to end the marriage respectfully/peacefully so that both your brother and their daughter can move on with their lives and next time get married to the right people. But if they continue to come up with lies, you'll have to file for defamation of character and will bring more negative attention to their daughter.
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
I already said in my post earlier that we avoided going through court. and even now we are try to end it up before the hearing date IA. My mom and brother are not in the country right now for another week so we will have to hire a lawyer for the first hearing anyways. Like you said , no one is willing to hear false stories and keechar uchhalo like her dad said, hamari beti tau budnaam ho he jayegi, apko bhi maza aana chahyay ! and seems they are hell-bent to do that.
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
her dad said, hamari beti tau budnaam ho he jayegi, apko bhi maza aana chahyay ! and seems they are hell-bent to do that.
what a childish & juvenile dad!
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
what a childish & juvenile dad!
What a supportive and brave dad!
As opposed to the dads who keep whining ke "Hamari naak kat jaye gi".
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
^ I hope you are not serious ! And if you are, I really hope you encounter an equally 'ideal' dad and daughter too and have loads of fun for the rest of your life ! :)
He didnt whine about naak katna ! He is happy and relaxed about it and invited us many times to badnaam them as much as we want !
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
I get what IceSoul is saying though. when two people get married and spend a considerable amount of time together, things happen and neither party will be willing to tell you everything because it's NONE of your business. Unfortunately, it DOES have a lot to do with joint family system. She probably never wanted to deal with one and got married due to being pressured by family and society. SOMETHING HAPPENED BETWEEN THE TWO that you will never know! Both may be too ashamed to tell any of you and quite frankly you shouldn't push it and KEECHAR UCHALO on her.
You clearly were biased from the very first post of yours. You DID expect her to be a certain way, hence your complaining began. Whatever she is like and whatever her story is, WE DON'T KNOW IT! It takes a lot for a father to say "humari beti to badnaam ho hi jayegi"...No Dad in Pakistan especially would want to put their daughter through something like this.. I can't even imagine it.
the point: we don't know her side of the story, you are only making yourself look somewhat silly coming here and posting mirch masala story of THEIR marriage. You are only providing entertainment for the rest of us as NONE of us can really help you or offer you an advise. You just want to tell THEIR story
Lesson: Shadi DO khandano ki NAHI hoti magar DO insano ki hotee hai. the sooner you realize that, the quicker you will stop shaming them here....
Re: is there any space for reconciliation here?
^ I hate to be personal but since you started it, the words coming from a person who herself is against joint family system despite admitting her ILs being good with her but she is selfish enough to hate them is not surprising ! referring to your thread :
[http://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-and-relationships/509212-in-need-of-good-advice-inlaws.html
I](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-and-relationships/509212-in-need-of-good-advice-inlaws.html) read it and I could clearly correlate my ex-bhabi with the type of attitude and behaviour you mentioned about yourself but I didnt want to point it out. So I am sorry but I wont really consider a word you said.
anyways, to each their own, like i said if you feel marriages involve families only to an extent when you are in rishta process and need your bari and jahaiz from them and want them to spend on your weddings and then they should go bury themselves,leaving the couple alone, then I am sorry, marrying an orphan is the only option ( I am talking about our culture because most of us are still far from being ‘maadar pidr azaad’ . All families have their own ways of bonding and if you differ from them,you cannot generalise your opinion !
everyone who posts up here is biased. I am sure if we go to hear from your husband or ILs about you, they will have a lot more to say. and about us or my brother expecting her to be a certain way, she expected her husband/ILs to be a certain way too! that’s natural and every marriage passes through this phase where everyone has to compromise at one thing or the other to keep the relations going pleasantly.
anyways,this is a whole new topic! we came to know they have asked for a khula through court today and their wish will be fulfilled very soon. I am sure me or my family might seem unreasonable and wrong to many people here. still I am thankful for your time and response and really really pray no one here,whatever they think about me,doesnt have to go through any such mess ever. we were really selective about finding this match and I am sure they were equally sensitive but we can only think to a certain extent and cannot fight fate !
Mods, I would be really thankful if you close this thread.
Fi Aman Allah