Let your Bhabi live at her parents for 2-4-6 months or even for a year, let see if the parents of the lady and the lady herself have any intention to make this marriage work??? if not, then better to get out of this.... talking to her won't help!!! you never know what she thinks about the mood of other person at that particular time and may not discuss things and later the whole drama starts again...
Give it a break, do not follow her, do not send messages.. just leave her alone.. let your brother and bhabi... sometime when talks fail ( which has obviously failed in this case), a break may work... anyway, from an outsiders point of view, there is little left to be saved in this marriage...
All I can say after reading all this that she is looking for a divorce and has someone else in her mind. If this not true then she has been treated as princess by her parents and expects the same at her husbands home and you guys are feeding her. stop making food for, ironing her clothes , driving her around and let her come back to her senses. In urdu we would say , uss ko uski auqat bata dow , then she would learn to live in peace with her husband and her family. I wanted to ask how old is she ?
she is 26 yrs old, a medical graduate. And her dad is a professor of surgery and mom an assistant professor at a medical college too I wonder degrees and education can hardly do anything to change some brains ! We still think iss se acha aur kya rishta dhoondtay bhai kay liay
she is a spoilt little princess, shes daddys little girl.
Also i think probably in her own home she has not ever had to be responsible for anyone and anything and does not understand what being a responsible person means.
She probably expected that after marriage she will have many maids running after her without her having to lift a finger ( as she has probably grown up with this ) and she can come and go as she pleases. She probably also dreamt that her husband would take her out every night etc etc.
I dont necessarily think she is a bad person with a bad heart ( i cannot say as i dont know her ) but i think her 'expectations' are not being met and your brothers/families 'expecations' are not being met and that is what is causing the friction.
The fact that her parents are dellusional ad blinded by their love for her is difficult - they need to sit and explain to her that when you are married things change, responsibilities crop up and you have to compromise.
She has probably been so pampered that she doesnt know what compromising is.
In my humble opinion, it doesn't matter WHY but for whatever reason, the wife is not interested in staying in this marriage.
Your brother is also ready to give up. This is not a case where your brother is madly in love with her and will be devastated if the marriage is over.
What's the point in forcing two people to "work things out" when they BOTH are ready to go their own separate ways?
No kids in the picture and they're both still young. They can both find another spouse who will actually want to be with them.
After going through all the posts my impression is that she is looking for a puppy for a husband who keeps on licking her feet, no matter how how badly she treats him.
After going through all the posts my impression is that she is looking for a puppy for a husband who keeps on licking her feet, no matter how how badly she treats him.
LOL....that may be....but the bottom line is that she does not want to stay in this marriage (for whatever reason). The brother is ready to end it too.
Seems like the brother and the wife have accepted the fact that the marriage is over. Now its outsiders (mother, sister, father etc) who're having a hard time accepting that reality. The brother/wife are adults....and this is their life. If BOTH of them want out....then support that decision and stop trying to force them into it just b/c a divorce isn't "nice". All other family members should be grateful that a child isn't involved in this nightmare.
you are right paheli.. We just came to know that her dad tried calling my mamu and khalu ( my mamu was his class fellow at college and my khalu had some surgery done from his so he had his number) today but both were busy and couldnt talk. They asked mom if something was wrong and they will call back tomorrow ! I guess we should be prepared for the final meeting now
My brother still says that her dad took all her jewellery back despite my brother and mom’s assurance that it is safe here and the first dispute was about it..this time he had to take her daughter back home despite all efforts for discussions and talks. So he should better keep his daughter with him and do all the decisions and experiments at his home instead of directing other families after marrying her off. So he will be bassically making a tamasha of himself by himself inviting and calling people from our end of family as well and disclosing what issues brought them here! Oh well.. !
sorry i was not following any your thread (may be i did write in em but i dont recall anything)
but i really want to know why do u want her back in your and also in your brothers life? it is clear that she is a trouble maker. ot is she a love of your brothers life?
Look, there is no doubt in your brother’s mind (and the rest of your family) that she does not want to be his wife. Your brother is also willing to get her out of his life.
Then…WHY are you guys just waiting for her family to make a move? Yes I agree that her family might be making a tamasha of themselves by creating a scene…BUT with all due respect, your family doesn’t look much better either by not taking any action and allowing her to continue this drama. Why is your family giving her family all the control here?
I am with pahelli on this. She doesn't want to be with your brother. Let her go with her dad. May be when some sense would knock at her..she'll think about it. For now, have your brother to peacefully let go of her. It is better for her and your brother. Kudos to your family for trying to work things out for your brother.
Maybe this is her way of trying to get out of this marriage. It's possible that staying at her parents house might make her miss her husband and want to come back to him........but she could come back and still make the same mistakes. That's why I think that....at some point....the brother does need to discuss the situation with his wife and her dad. He can decide to leave his wife at her dad's hme......but he still needs to address the issues.
She's obviously upset/angry or just a drama queen, anyway your brother should for the sake of his marriage try to talk to her once she's calmed down. If they decide on a compromise about the living situation and stuff that's bothering her and they both also agree for some therapy (because that is some effed up stuff and they need some help) then great, play happy families.
If she decides to stay stubborn then it's your brother's call, if he loves her, really loves her then he keeps trying for a while, if not then just end it as painlessly as you can, there's no children involved either, so yeah, a clean break may do the both of them some good.
How about your brother and wife move out of your family home and live together - separate from relatives. This will make it a level playing field. Clearly, there is not much respect for her from your family (yourself, mom etc). Whether she earned this disrespect is not relevant - fact is, she is aware none of you respect her. That is what I meant by hostlie environment.
The only chance I see here is for the couple to move out and live together without daily interference / influence / interaction with immediate family.
None of this is meant to imply you folks are not being fair to her - clearly from your post, it seems you are a sister who cares for her brother's well being. This could be their best chance - rather than relatives deciding for them that they dislike each other, let them take ownership of the problem like adults and come to a decision - away from your influence.
So a quick update since everyone here has been really helpful and seemed concerned:
We decided to give it some time,probably till after ramadan till things get ‘cooler’ and everyone gets time to think that all that was done is leading in a wrong direction..and all of a sudden her dad called up my husband and said he is sending bhabi home for a while since she needs some clothes.etc. And then he sent her mamu,cousin and brother who came with empty suit-cases and a list with each of them and they kept marking the checklist and packed and took away EVERYTHING from her jahaiz and some from the bari (our side) including her bridal dress and shoes and all..so basically the room has nothing that belonged to her and they didnt say a word ! just that her mamu told my husband they’ll arrange for taking back her remaining stuff soon too. so apparently it’s over now.my brother is in a shock because he was all prepared to talk to her soon (he was out for his official tour last week and came back last night).
maybe this was in favour for both the families.. it is so disturbing to think how much effort,hopes and all were put in this marriage and never knew it would end this way SO SOON not even full 4 months !
Maybe I'm crazy....but since divorce should be like a last resort....I think that your brother should still talk to his wife in person and her father as well. He can bring up divorce as a possibility, but he should also discuss the issues in the marriage ...to get her to think about things.
Maybe he can set a time limit....of a few months let's say....and let her know that if she's interested in working things out then she can call him within that time frame and he'll come pick her up.......OR.....if she exeeds that time frame....then he'll start considering a divorce/remarriage/etc.
I wonder if there's someone else that your bhabi is interested in? Was this an arranged marriage? If there isn't any other guy involved....and she doesn't mend her ways....it's gonna come back to bite her.
from the posts it seems the girl and her father are ready for divorce........and not looking for compromise...
so in the meeting......the best that can be done is..........both parties agree to delay the 'decision' for a few months........instead of hurrying the divorce now........
things might change with passage of time.........i
and mom an assistant professor at a medical college too 
I wonder degrees and education can hardly do anything to change some brains ! We still think iss se acha aur kya rishta dhoondtay bhai kay liay 
not even full 4 months !