There probably isn't anything wrong about doing a reference check.
Asif saheb....I'm sure you would be okay if someone enquired us about you, right? You would be confident that all the people that have read your views in this forum would give you a glowing report. Right?
Btw...asking around about a girl to check on her reputation and doing istikhara are two vastly different things and cannot be compared.
Asif: I run an on-line match making service. I need to know your Age, Sex, Height, Weight, Fashion sense, sexual experience (all of it), religious experience (all of it). note: the sexual and religious expereince can be one and the same.*
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Muzna: *
There probably isn't anything wrong about doing a reference check.
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Thanks
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Muzna: *
Asif saheb....I'm sure you would be okay if someone enquired us about you, right? You would be confident that all the people that have read your views in this forum would give you a glowing report. Right?
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Wouldn't u???
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*Originally posted by Muzna: *
Btw...asking around about a girl to check on her reputation and doing istikhara are two vastly different things and cannot be compared.
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I think both should be done regardless. I've forgotten to mention that the girl's parend should and do inquire about guys reputation also. So it goes both ways. I dunno why u r all so scared of little "background" check??
[QUOTE]
Originally posted by Zaalim: *
Asif: I run an on-line match making service. I need to know your Age, Sex, Height, Weight, Fashion sense, sexual experience (all of it), religious experience (all of it). **note: the sexual and religious expereince can be one and the same.**
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How much do u charge?? Do u charge both parties (bride n groom)?? Isnt it a good business... Are u currently hiring.... ?? I am not seeking for any one therefore I dont think I can help ur business grow for right now. But I will keep ur on-line "dating" service in my mind... when I will be searching for a "religous" girl.
Frankly Asif, I would not give you a glowing report. My report would be coloured by my opinion of your views and opinions that I have read, which under the circumstances are very few. And let it be clear that it has nothing to do with whether or not I like you as a person, it has everything to do with whether or not I agree with your position on certain matters.
I didn't state anywhere that I am scared of a background check. I am only suggesting that a background check is unreliable and can easily be tainted by personal opinions that may have little relevance to your decision making process.
Is it necessary that if you are virgin then your partner should be a virgin?..i dont think so...i mean if i am virgin, but my partner necessarly doesnt need to be a virgin..i mean if my partner has learned something from his last relationship and if he takes good care of me ..i guess i should have no problem with him being non vergin...
what if your virgin partner turns out opposite in future? I mean whats the point then...
Oh yeah..i was thinking if guys are so concious about girls being virgin, then girls should be concious about the guy being virgin the same way...they should go for all sorts of background checks, etc....
i am sorry i am off the topic..
.
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*Originally posted by Muzna: *
I didn't state anywhere that I am scared of a background check. I am only suggesting that a background check is unreliable and can easily be tainted by personal opinions that may have little relevance to your decision making process.
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I agree it coud be tainted by personal opinions. But once every one or most of the ppl says the same thing about a person, then u really know to stay away from him/her.
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*Originally posted by Lusi: *
Is it necessary that if you are virgin then your partner should be a virgin?..i dont think so...
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I DO!!! and I dont think I am asking for too much. Am i?
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*Originally posted by Lusi: *
i mean if i am virgin, but my partner necessarly doesnt need to be a virgin..i mean if my partner has learned something from his last relationship and if he takes good care of me ..i guess i should have no problem with him being non vergin...
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Let me repeat this. I have no problem marrying somone who is divorced or a widow. Infact, I really respect those women. But I am sry I have no respect for those who "learnt from their past experiences" without marrying that man. God forbid adualtery and preferred a person to get married. In both cases, girl is not virgin but to me there is a world of difference between a woman who got married and her marriage didnt work than a woman who just slept with a man.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Lusi: *
Oh yeah..i was thinking if guys are so concious about girls being virgin, then girls should be concious about the guy being virgin the same way...they should go for all sorts of background checks, etc....
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Ofcaorse, they definitely should run background checks for guys.
I think, political correctness be damned, Asif M. Ali has a perfect right to keep looking for the kind of girl he wants. If he wants a girl who is physically a virgin, more power to him.
As regards the original question, no, there is no 100% accurate way. You just have to go by what she tells you and your own judgement.
Good luck.
For once i agree with something Asif has to say. Since i have managed to remain pure, and since-If you take the religious standpoint, which I do-God forbade pre/extra-marital intercourse, i feel that my partner should be also pure. Unless, it is a widow, or divorcee-b/c that's a totally different situation. But if its just messing around on the other person's part, i don't think its fair to me. Everyone has their own preferences-i feel that way for myself.
Well...I don’t think you can do anything about this matter. Just accept whatever she is and try to live with it. Don’t cluster your brain with issues that is no going to help you in the hereafter (akhira).
its easy to tell. don't know about guys but after talking to a girl for less than half hour (general talk) i can tell whether she is pure or not. The way one talks, acts can reveal a lot about them.
Asif M. Ali, it seems your problem is solved. Take Jhankar with you when you go meet the girl. Or else get tuition from Jhankar so you can also be an 'expert' in this 'field'. :)
But ,
Now I want to know why youare not sure about guys Jhankar? and why girls shoukld just have gamble instead of starting their married life with clear picture? what if girl wants a VIRGIN husband? how could she know? if she cannot.. why not?
Are you planing to marry a virginia? Well good luck. I think some guys need to get their ass examined so the head can be recovered.
Jhunkar, do you mean to say girl become ‘unpure’ after sexual experience? I am gonna kill my mother.. how could she?
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*Originally posted by NYAhmadi: *
Are you planing to marry a virginia? Well good luck. I think some guys need to get their ass examined so the head can be recovered.
Jhunkar, do you mean to say girl become ‘unpure’ after sexual experience? I am gonna kill my mother.. how could she?
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NYA,
I also have tthe right to ask about it since Mr. AMA launched this long thread to know about girls so why not few posts about guys as well? Does it hurts huummmmm?
Wax, I don’t think there’s any scientific way to determine that. Personally, my wife took my word for it (I lied thru me teeth).
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by NYAhmadi: *
Wax, I don’t think there’s any scientific way to determine that. Personally, my wife took my word for it (I lied thru me teeth).
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well then this is so unfair
:(( i want a virgin hubby since Baqol thread walay bhai AMA he is vi** he wants vi**
so I am pure I want pure :(( zameen per bachoon ki tarah baith ker ronay wala icon :((
with regards to ther ORIGINAL question, the only way is to get a medical exam done, and even cant give u proof because a girls hymen can be broken from her periods also, although medical research has found that the way a hymen is broken during sex is slightly differeent from it being broken by some other means.. dunno how they figured it out. something to do with the pressure or something.. but anyways the majority of doctors and physicians dont agree on it coz its not conclusive. i guess the only way is to ask the girl directly, and trust her answer, but then make sure u excpect the same questions from her, coz obviously shes gonna want to know what kind of guy se is gonna marry. And if she asks U frst dont be put off by it, i know a lot of guys are put off if a girl asks them this kind of question coz they think that she knows too much or has been messing around, thats why shes asking, but she also has a right to know, khair the best thing is honesty in a relationship and if ure honest and trust each other then insha’allah u cant go wrong… GOOD LUCK :k:
at least in the end guys have that. There isn't even a slight way to tell abt guys. Most of my gora friends that have lost their virginity always say it hurts the first time-and if the hymen can be broken at anytime, then im sure not all of them could have had an intact hymen, right? It doesnt hurt the guy any, am i wrong? Whatever, in the end, like i said, b/c i am a virgin b/c i refrained from simply messing around, then i expect my husband to be. But like other people have stated, if u can't just take his word for it, then u've got even bigger problems. Well he's gonna have to take my word for it, and ill have to take his. If u look to the religion, which i feel like doing, isn't their an aayah that says something abt for pure ppl there are pure ppl, and for unpure their are unpure ppl? Please correct me if i am wrong, or if anyone has the ayyah or something.