i don’t think you’ve ever been to a gaaon, have you? i visited pakistan in summer 2002 and lived in a village for two months. about what i’ve quoted above, all i can say is hahahahahahah 
you should sometimes visit pind and see how easy it is to have sex with a girl, ANYTIME
just ask fgs 
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Roman: *
But if you're in the market to buy a car, wouldn't u prefer the latest model with all the accessories?
Please explain to me, how the **** is having a hymen or being virgin equates to "latest model with all the accessories"?
Are you gonna sell "the latest model" five years down the road to another man and get a new one?
[/QUOTE]
OK OK, Yes I've read that posts in which guppies tried to convince that girls are not like cars and that this analogy isnt quite right and I believed em'. Needdless to say, girls can't acclerate from 0 to 60 in 4 secs or are equipped with 6 Bose speakers with 1000 watt subwoofer or 21 inch chrome wheels. How can they be the same? I mean if u can call a new computer a virgin machine, why the hell i cant use this analogy. I guess feminist association will never accept me as their member.
I wont sell the latest model for the new one BUT i can still get teh new model. Cant i? But I wont because by then I will start loving my ole sweet heart. And I will get to keep it until it becomes antique and then it will be worth a lot more. YET, i will still keep it.
Dear Asif M. Ali,
You're an idiot who's trying to be funny.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Asif M. Ali: *
THanks for ur help! I mean, is there a way that sanp bhee mer jaye aur lathee bhee na totey....
[/QUOTE]
Yeah, ask the close friend of the girl.
Try that!
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Ana: *
the latest model with all the accessories
This is good. This is very good. I feel sad. This is good.
Roman, don't be too hard on him. I think he just came out wrong and blurted everything in his mind using a wrong anaolgy.
AMA, I understand yr point perfectly - u have encountered so many temptations and yet resisted, it's perfectly naturally for you to want someone who has had as much courage and strength of mind as you have shown. Kudos to u for preserving yrself until marriage, that's very nice and honorable Masha'Allah. I respect that.
But you know, this question is best asked to your girl directly. There are many types of girls, and also depends on the type of society they come from, esp. in Pakistan. If she has lead a relatively sheltered life and is from yr immediate family or a goan in Pind, I think it's fairly safe to say she is a virgin and maybe shy to tell u, that's why u don't want to ask her. If she is a city girl, chances of her being non-virgin are higher. But that's all also a very gross overgeneralization.
Some girls get raped, and never tell anyone about it. They may have been touched before, and kept quiet. Would that be impure to you? Some may have been kissed by someone one day, of their own accord or involuntarily... where do u draw the line? Some girls have experienced paedophilia.. what do you say then? It's a very sad world we live in, and reality hurts.
Virginity and impurity are different things to different people. You have to see what your threshold level is and what your own take on it is, and ask your girl if it means so much to you. You might offend her if she is a sensitive girl, but I suggest u get to know her a little bit atleast, before you ask her directly. If nothing else, you can atleast be friends and have no hard feelings for the rest of your life. Things like these leave impressions that stay with a person forever, so be gentle about it.
[/QUOTE]
Thank you very much for your insight. I just asked Shikra for his pind/gaon. All my immediate family members are either married or engaged and I think they all implemented "family planning."
If the girl is raped, that's quite a different story but I think her future husband still has a right to know that. i wont be reluctant to marry a widow or a divorcee but I will be very reluctant to marry some one who just "played" around.
I am sorry to say but paki girls "pretend" just a litlle but too much. Its just hard to know when they are real or unreal. Getting to know someone who always wear a mask is quite a difficult task especailly if the girl is a total stranger and if she is paki and lives in pakistan. Plz correct me if i am wrong.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by eemo: *
seems to me ur jst embarrassed cos she might be more "experienced", and u wanna save urself the embarrassment.
its understandable
[/QUOTE]
NO NO NO NO
This isnt the reason. The reason is to begin the journey together from the start. To start from scatch. To explore things at the same time and move at the same speed. Why would i feel embaressed for? The question is moral than physical. As i had mentioned, I am willing to marry a widow or divorceee, Becasue that's something "she" couldnt control. Yet, if the girl is "expereinced" they she chose to play aorund without getting married which to me is totally illegimate.
Asif, after reading ALL your replies to the various members of the audience, I have just one thing to say, and that is very serious:
*I don't think you are mature enough to get married. *
You are still growing up I think, u haven't reached that stage where where you can appreciate the finer nuances of married life. It's perfectly acceptable, all the arguments u r giving - me new model so she new model, start out fresh, turn new leaf, etc etc...., but I have serious doubts of you being able to handle your wife after your marriage.
A lot of young people rush into marriage, and later regret it. You speak as an excited and slightly flustered young bachelor who is eager to get a fresh young girl for slightly misplaced reasons. Alhamdulillah, like I said, u r virgin, she ought to be - understandable - but at the same time you counter your own clause with "I would be willing to marry a widow or divorcee" - that is a serious statement, and a bit immature as well. Do you know what marriage to a widow or a divorcee entails? It is not as simple as you big-hearted youngsters would think.
On top of that, the flaunting of her friend being prettier than she is - that is immaturity showing itself. If u are serious about marrying the girl, why bring flirtatious mention of someone else into the picture? You lose your own self-respect in that case, and as a reader I can just picture you in my mind's eye, a teeny-bopper fresh out of school with remnants of acne, a red cell phone, yellow sports car and too much time.
Your ideas are not well-formed. Allow yourself to develop mentally before you step into marriage with someone who expects maturity from you. I am assuming that she will be in all likelihood be a housewife after your marriage, so you will also be responsible for her care and welfare. Only a mature and well-grounded adult is able to cope with such responsibilities. You need these basics to survive in a marriage: communication skills, trust, and an ability to spout sense from your mouth. Your posts indicate you are lacking in all three abilities.
I suggest you get to know this girl one-on-one before you make any decisions that will affect both your lives, and also both your families. I have seen too many failed marriages to keep quiet about such things. It is not nice to hold certain expectations of the other person, when you are lacking in so many areas yourself.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Ana: *
Asif, after reading ALL your replies to the various members of the audience, I have just one thing to say, and that is very serious:
*I don't think you are mature enough to get married. *
You are still growing up I think, u haven't reached that stage where where you can appreciate the finer nuances of married life. It's perfectly acceptable, all the arguments u r giving - me new model so she new model, start out fresh, turn new leaf, etc etc...., but I have serious doubts of you being able to handle your wife after your marriage.
A lot of young people rush into marriage, and later regret it. You speak as an excited and slightly flustered young bachelor who is eager to get a fresh young girl for slightly misplaced reasons. Alhamdulillah, like I said, u r virgin, she ought to be - understandable - but at the same time you counter your own clause with "I would be willing to marry a widow or divorcee" - that is a serious statement, and a bit immature as well. Do you know what marriage to a widow or a divorcee entails? It is not as simple as you big-hearted youngsters would think.
On top of that, the flaunting of her friend being prettier than she is - that is immaturity showing itself. If u are serious about marrying the girl, why bring flirtatious mention of someone else into the picture? You lose your own self-respect in that case, and as a reader I can just picture you in my mind's eye, a teeny-bopper fresh out of school with remnants of acne, a red cell phone, yellow sports car and too much time.
Your ideas are not well-formed. Allow yourself to develop mentally before you step into marriage with someone who expects maturity from you. I am assuming that she will be in all likelihood be a housewife after your marriage, so you will also be responsible for her care and welfare. Only a mature and well-grounded adult is able to cope with such responsibilities. You need these basics to survive in a marriage: communication skills, trust, and an ability to spout sense from your mouth. Your posts indicate you are lacking in all three abilities.
I suggest you get to know this girl one-on-one before you make any decisions that will affect both your lives, and also both your families. I have seen too many failed marriages to keep quiet about such things. It is not nice to hold certain expectations of the other person, when you are lacking in so many areas yourself.
[/QUOTE]
God, Ana!!!! Your post hits me so hard. I am kinda bleeding now, literally. I dunno much abt u but I can tell you are a very knowledged person. This post is like a medicine..... bitter yet comforting in the long run.
Yes, it wasnt right for me to say that her freind looks cuter than her, but that doesnt mean I will just start chasing her freind. My initial post dosen indicate anywhere that I am and will get married RIGHT now. I am just trying to "know" before I even get close to a relationship or engagement.
I pretended as an immature becasue I needed some one like u to post their wise words and it wouldn't be possible unless I acted childish.
Even though, u might think that I dont qualify for getting married becasue I lack all three qualities but isnt experience is the thing that put u where u r now. I dont think u've learned every thing by "listening" to some one. One has to fall and bleed to understand that their body is capable of healing.
[quote]
God, Ana!!!! Your post hits me so hard. I am kinda bleeding now, literally. I dunno much abt u but I can tell you are a very knowledged person. This post is like a medicine..... bitter yet comforting in the long run.
[/quote]
Velcom.
[quote]
Yes, it wasnt right for me to say that her freind looks cuter than her, but that doesnt mean I will just start chasing her freind. My initial post dosen indicate anywhere that I am and will get married RIGHT now. I am just trying to "know" before I even get close to a relationship or engagement.
[/quote]
Therefore you are saying that is it is acceptable to you to "befriend" her and "get to know her" after you ascertain her chastity, before you make the decision to marry her. Let me ask you this in that case - if the girl is chaste, and you begin a casual "get to know" relationship with her -will she remain chaste any longer? Virginity is not necessarily a physical ordeal. You pollute the mind, that is the end of everything and a start of something else.
And what happens in the scenario that she is chaste, but you end up not liking her very much. Have you not taken advantage of her innocence already, and with what faith is she to be passed on to another man who wants her to be just as innocent as well, given your rejection?
Is this fair on her?
As I said before, determine your threshold level beforehand. And ASK HER PERMISSION CLEARLY before you delve into any sort of relationship with her, however long-distance phone-based it may be. The heart of an innocent is not a light affair.
[quote]
I pretended as an immature becasue I needed some one like u to post their wise words and it wouldn't be possible unless I acted childish.
[/quote]
One does not need to pretend to be something which he is. Also, pretense can only lead to falsehood, and the answers you get will be in line with your falsehoods. Always better to be straightforward than run around the bush. This way you waste less time and get to work hamering out a solution right away.
[quote]
Even though, u might think that I dont qualify for getting married becasue I lack all three qualities but isnt experience is the thing that put u where u r now. I dont think u've learned every thing by "listening" to some one. One has to fall and bleed to understand that their body is capable of healing.
[/quote]
You do not want to have my experience. You would never be able to deal with it. Besides which, this thread is about you, not me.
It is good to learn from others experiences and avoid falling into those identical errors, so that you can fall into new ones. If you make my mistakes, you will not have time to make your own. There is time enough for everyone to make mistakes, but never time enough to learn from them, because by that time, it is usually too late.
Regards.
ewwwwwwwww
lol
i don’t think i would want a freing/stranger asking me
laikin agar wo mera BF tha to phir…koi bat nehee
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by pyari_jii_2u: *
ewwwwwwwww
lol
i don't think i would want a freing/stranger asking me
laikin agar wo mera BF tha to phir...koi bat nehee
[/QUOTE]
aur if he is a friend who asks....
he must a good/close/old frind
laikin i don't think n e friend in the right mind would ask that n e ways
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Asif M. Ali: *
Yaar wahan to bauhat machar ho gai......
[/QUOTE]
nahhh......ab har waqt tou machar nahi hotey na.
p.s. please don't assume i took the opportunity and used it. NO! i'll be honest. i had three chances. my uncle's friends, who were also kind of my friends, even though i met them for the first time, tried to take me with them to give me "a gift on behalf of pakistan" but i refused to go with them and join them. they were surprised to find out that even living in america, i refused, whereas it should be not a big deal for me.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Shikra: *
nahhh......ab har waqt tou machar nahi hotey na.
p.s. please don't assume i took the opportunity and used it. NO! i'll be honest. i had three chances. my uncle's friends, who were also kind of my friends, even though i met them for the first time, tried to take me with them to give me "a gift on behalf of pakistan" but i refused to go with them and join them. they were surprised to find out that even living in america, i refused, whereas it should be not a big deal for me.
[/QUOTE]
HEY, thats only one chance....... what abt other TWO??
lol…same goes for other two. i refused. i want a wife who is pure and in order for me to get a wife who’s pure, i MUST keep myself pure because if i am not pure, it’s not fair to her because she deserves a pure husband. IF (allah na karey) i have sex before marriage, i wouldn’t expect a virgin wife because why should i look for someone who’s virgin and i, myself, am not a virgin. ok, too many pures 
and :topic:
by pure, i mean someone who has not have sex.
i take it back
sorry shikra.
i assumed and i shouldnt have
if i’m not mistaken-its much harder to tell if a guy is a virgin, vs. a girl. I don’t hear abt desi girls messing around, as much as i hear abt boys that “score”
The girls pretend to much? I can give you example after example of guys messing around, then when its time to get married, want miss pure and virginal.
actually it probably goes both ways-and its wrong of me to say all guys are like that, b/c i know there are guys that aren’t. BUt your generalizations are also straight BS.
shiki- 
did anyone miss the fact-that sex (usually) involves BOTH genders? and if you’re in Pakistan, id say there is 99.9% that both parties involved are paki? so what does that say abt the guy as well as the girl?
Ana-you go girl! :biggthumb
IN CONCLUSION, there is no way to tell if hte girl is virgin or not. I asked some one religous and he told me to inquire the girl's family, their background, what kind of freind she has, and what are her activities. He also recommended to ask their neighbours. Also, he recommended to make istikhara.
Istikhara is prayer in which one asks God that if "some thing" is good for him or her. if its good, then make that thing work else keep me away from it.
THanks for all ur responses. I apprecaite every one's comment and if I have said something that hurted any one, Please accept my sincere apology.
Asif
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Asif M. Ali: *
I asked some one religous and he told me to inquire the girl's family, their background, what kind of freind she has, and what are her activities. He also recommended to ask their neighbours. Also, he recommended to make istikhara.
[/QUOTE]
Shame on you, shame on "someone religious," shame on her neighbours (if they are willing to provide you with the requested info) and shame on the kind of isteghara you intend to do.
If asking the girl wasn't enough for you, then you shouldn't be marrying her at all. Tell her about the background checks you are running on her and see if she's still willing to marry you. I feel for the poor girl.
I must go throw up now.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by *Zaalim: *
Shame on you, shame on "someone religious," shame on her neighbours (if they are willing to provide you with the requested info) and shame on the kind of isteghara you intend to do.
If asking the girl wasn't enough for you, then you shouldn't be marrying her at all. Tell her about the background checks you are running on her and see if she's still willing to marry you. I feel for the poor girl.
I must go throw up now.
[/QUOTE]
There is no SHAME in inquiring about a person you are about to marry. Unlike western society desi girls dont "go out" and "get to know" the person, or at least it should be that way.
And a very good reaon why marriages work in Pakistan is becasue ppl have inquired and investigated the girl. I know so many girls here who doesn't have a good reputation and I only found out by inquiring abt them.
It's recommended by Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) to do istikhara before making a decesion. How could it be wrong? It is just a prayer!!!
Asking the girl is the next step, First step is to find out what others have to say abt her.
Please dont "shame" on me, I just tend to stick to my religion, tradition and culture and am very proud of it. I appreciate ur comments anyhow.