Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
Blimey seems like an age ago 
Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
Skipped several posts and few pages so pardon me for repeating something already said.
The main problem as I see here is not between men and women.
It is conflict of few men and women (boys/girls) who have time and access to internet and they want to have their voice heard by someone else out there… somewhere far far away.
DOES NOT MEAN IT PERTAINS TO MAJORITY AT LARGE.
Majority stays quiet and stays enjoying their lives a****nd perhaps laughs at people like us who write our opinions, fight online for no reason, or even fall in love with someone online. 
Priceless!
Most men and women live their lives happily. They are content. They are smart and they do not care what NEWS/BLOGS/FORUMS have out there
… in terms of what to do when comes to day to day life problems be it religious/political/ social or whatever. They go to appropriate methods.
Having said that,
**
…lets have fun posting and learn about each other.** 
Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
Diwana as always gets it right on the head. Diwana for Prime Minister of Pakistan!!
Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
^ CM Bro I have not slept for two nights enough for "legitimate/halal reason" so that was just babbling on my part.
Not just Pakistan, babbling does get to and has got in the past, a lot to become Prime Ministers/Presidents of many countries. I think you do know what I mean. ;)
Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
I strongly dislike desi men. Sorry, it's the truth. There are some gems out there, and generally, those guys are already married. It's because they're not douchebags, so they get picked fast. Plus, most of those guys are much older, have some experience in life, have kids, and are married and so they've HAD THE TIME TO MATURE. Those same guys maybe 20 years ago would be annoying to me. I don't know.
But single YOUNG desi men - in general, have their drama. So do young desi girls, honestly, but the drama is of a different nature.
Young desi men - they're having issues with education and employment. I know LOTS of Pakistani families have gotten educated and are doing well for themselves and kudos to them, but many families are still fighting for opportunities and these days facing A LOT of discrimination.
Just an example, I meet desi guys who didn't get into grad school, and it's nothing but anger and bitterness - I can't even get those families to become friendly to me. There's just too much insecurity.
They can't tolerate a girl making more money than them, or more educated.
They come from families, that generally are status seekers. Again, I know, a big generalization, and many Pakistanis are very good people and are not superficial.
Many families are NOT.
Their sons are looking for someone who looks like a supermodel. Or someone from a rich family. Or they're all into the appearnce - looking for a girl who meets the criterion of hijabi, non-working, pious appearing woman, never mind the fact that she's just as much a douchebag as they are.
Pakistani men have issues. They have skeletons in their closets, but they can't tolerate someone who isn't a virgin? They don't doubt the double standards they've been raised in?
It's ok to pray 5 times per day, and then go whore around with women, or drink, or treat other people like crap?
Double standards, contradictions, hypocritical behavior. Lack of ambition, frustration at "The West", a reactionary religious conservatism, the constant need to blame everything on "The Bad White Man", not wanting to take responsibility for their community or for their personal actions, this double standard of being a playboy and then demeaning women who want to live similarly and then demanding a hijabi wife.
Yeah, some of you men are AWESOME. I'd love to meet someone like TLK, or aahmed, or X2, or ahmadjee, or DM, or whoever, but the fact is, that there are NOT MANY good guys out there like you guys. There's a lot of characters I'm NOT compatible with. I've grown up in a more westernized mode of thinking, my interpretation of Islam is different from 80% of the Pakistanis out there, I'm NOT materialistic, I'm NOT a status-seeker, I'm just interested in breaking even at the end of the day, earning a halaal income, and raising good kids, and MAYBE if I can afford it, travel a bit. You'd think that's simple, but it's not for a lot of desi guys. Because I don't live up to THEIR standards.
I'm not:
A hijabi
Non-College grad
A stay-at-home (doesn't matter if I say I'll stay home for a few months - my inlaws would make sure I give up my job PERIOD - I've seen it happen before).
Income lower than his
education lower than his
dependent
baby-act
size D boobs
perfect figure
hot model type face
great fashion sense
Given my poor deconditioned state at the moment, I don't think I could last in bed for more than 60 seconds. I walk a flight of stairs and I am huffing puffing.
Socialite
Having family connections, or a dad that can get his sorry arse a job. (Memon culture - often the father in law of the boy will help him get a job, set him up with a business, etc - my dad ain't doing that).
A huge dowry (Sorry, my parents can't afford to get themselves a new washing machine)
A career girl willing to saccrifice her job just for him
willing to give up my dreams and ambitions all for him
willing to take the back seat in everything
willing to let his mom walk all over me because she has some inferiority complex and can't mind her own business
willing to deal with in-law drama
I mean, I'm sorry, I guess I would make for a difficult bride, and despite the fact that I'd probably make a kick arse wife and mom, I will be the last person to get a proposal becuase I just don't measure up to qualities that I don't value in the first place.
Oh well.
Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
you sound like a down to earth type of person to me...
good luck
Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
Perhaps those people don’t come up & discuss their issues openly,unlike those who do!? :khums:
Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
PCG, i love what you've written, many of the points that you've written are very true, the hypocritical nature of some and i think that way of thinking is there in most desis not just pakistani.
even some of the guys here have absolutely no compassion or they don't even think before uttering some of their hurtful, double standard comments. not just the guys, some of the women too
Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
Now if that is rambling you should do it more often. I completely agree with you on this. The average person is sane and does sane thing. Those on GS with problems…not the highest on the evolutionary food chain.
Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
Now if that is rambling you should do it more often. I completely agree with you on this. The average person is sane and does sane thing. Those on GS with problems....not the highest on the evolutionary food chain.
the thing is that you and some of the others think that those that come here to discuss their probs don't bother talking to their families friends in the nonvirtual world. but that's bull most of the time the issues they might be dealing with are very difficult for them to resolve and they've been thinking through it. try to put yourself in somebody else's shoes for once, not everybody has the wonderful life that you might have. have some compassion and a little bit of a thought that those people might not be at their best when they come here to talk.
and it's not like they take whatever comments they get here so to heart and seriously, the comments are just used as ways for them to think through and finally reach a decision on their own. some of you are sooooo insensitive, selfish and arrogant. other than you and some here, thank god for men like TLK bhai, faris, Decent6chora,aahmed bhai and quite a few others, it gives me hope that there are good desi men out there too
Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
i can't imagine the people here taking the advice and doing exactly that without even thinking about it beforehand on whether it's sound advice or not. most probably come here knowing what they must do but just haven't reached that final decision. it's crazy to think otherwise.
Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
They definitely are not… and then taking advices about life issues based on half cooked / single sided bits of information given out to people…they really need some therapy… oh…one more thing…the usual ‘advisors’…have you ever seen them ever discussing their problems here?? guess what?? they know it will not be useful…
oh… this is what life1 does to you…you get bombarded with so much negativity that everything seems like doom-hell scenario…especially about ‘desi men’… do you seriously think that you can assess what a person is like from ‘posts’ on a forum?? really??
Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
What Broseph said.
Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
ummm you’re one of the people that asked for advice here, am i wrong?
i would never go by the posts on a forum and assess the person’s personality, who would find their life partner from an online forum. i’ve only seen that work 10% of the time.
some of the people that give advice here, have openly said that sometimes they use their multi nicks to get advice.
getting different viewpoints of an issue,can be helpful, it gives a person something to think about. who in the world would take the advice here word for word and not use their own minds to finally get to a decision??? but for the most part it helps the person discuss the issue and in the process it helps them think through it. the thinking through is therapeutic, did you get that part? even nonvirtual friends/family don’t see all sides of the issue, rarely see the couple in private.
at the end of the day it’s the person that has to reach a decision on their own but its’ not the taking of advice(i would think that doesn’t happen most of the time) as much as the discussing helps and gives a certain peace of mind.
Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
Right, the problem between men and women is not so bad
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only if women learn to behave better 
Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
I strongly dislike desi men. Sorry, it's the truth. There are some gems out there, and generally, those guys are already married. It's because they're not douchebags, so they get picked fast. Plus, most of those guys are much older, have some experience in life, have kids, and are married and so they've HAD THE TIME TO MATURE. Those same guys maybe 20 years ago would be annoying to me. I don't know.
But single YOUNG desi men - in general, have their drama. So do young desi girls, honestly, but the drama is of a different nature.
Young desi men - they're having issues with education and employment. I know LOTS of Pakistani families have gotten educated and are doing well for themselves and kudos to them, but many families are still fighting for opportunities and these days facing A LOT of discrimination.
Just an example, I meet desi guys who didn't get into grad school, and it's nothing but anger and bitterness - I can't even get those families to become friendly to me. There's just too much insecurity.
They can't tolerate a girl making more money than them, or more educated.
They come from families, that generally are status seekers. Again, I know, a big generalization, and many Pakistanis are very good people and are not superficial.
Many families are NOT.
Their sons are looking for someone who looks like a supermodel. Or someone from a rich family. Or they're all into the appearnce - looking for a girl who meets the criterion of hijabi, non-working, pious appearing woman, never mind the fact that she's just as much a douchebag as they are.
Pakistani men have issues. They have skeletons in their closets, but they can't tolerate someone who isn't a virgin? They don't doubt the double standards they've been raised in?
It's ok to pray 5 times per day, and then go whore around with women, or drink, or treat other people like crap?
Double standards, contradictions, hypocritical behavior. Lack of ambition, frustration at "The West", a reactionary religious conservatism, the constant need to blame everything on "The Bad White Man", not wanting to take responsibility for their community or for their personal actions, this double standard of being a playboy and then demeaning women who want to live similarly and then demanding a hijabi wife.
Yeah, some of you men are AWESOME. I'd love to meet someone like TLK, or aahmed, or X2, or ahmadjee, or DM, or whoever, but the fact is, that there are NOT MANY good guys out there like you guys. There's a lot of characters I'm NOT compatible with. I've grown up in a more westernized mode of thinking, my interpretation of Islam is different from 80% of the Pakistanis out there, I'm NOT materialistic, I'm NOT a status-seeker, I'm just interested in breaking even at the end of the day, earning a halaal income, and raising good kids, and MAYBE if I can afford it, travel a bit. You'd think that's simple, but it's not for a lot of desi guys. Because I don't live up to THEIR standards.
I'm not: A hijabi Non-College grad A stay-at-home (doesn't matter if I say I'll stay home for a few months - my inlaws would make sure I give up my job PERIOD - I've seen it happen before). Income lower than his education lower than his dependent baby-act size D boobs perfect figure hot model type face great fashion sense Given my poor deconditioned state at the moment, I don't think I could last in bed for more than 60 seconds. I walk a flight of stairs and I am huffing puffing. Socialite Having family connections, or a dad that can get his sorry arse a job. (Memon culture - often the father in law of the boy will help him get a job, set him up with a business, etc - my dad ain't doing that). A huge dowry (Sorry, my parents can't afford to get themselves a new washing machine) A career girl willing to saccrifice her job just for him willing to give up my dreams and ambitions all for him willing to take the back seat in everything willing to let his mom walk all over me because she has some inferiority complex and can't mind her own business willing to deal with in-law drama
I mean, I'm sorry, I guess I would make for a difficult bride, and despite the fact that I'd probably make a kick arse wife and mom, I will be the last person to get a proposal becuase I just don't measure up to qualities that I don't value in the first place.
Oh well.
The tragedy here is not those 80% of the men who think different than you. The real tragedy seems to be you being different than 99% of the women who are willing to sacrifice a lot to be more acceptable.
Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
^compromise and mutual improvement are the keys that need to be remembered. we aren't born perfect and do need to sacrifice, it would be nice if it was both men and women doing the changing, being flexible and improving though not just the women
Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
aag pe petrol 
Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
khud hi miyan mithu banna
and you expect others to make you mithu?
Re: Is the problem really that bad between men and women?
Good stories and truths never get any attention.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on
I still regret spending $8 on watching Indian movie some 12 years ago that had no drama and everyone lived happy during all the 3 hours of the movie. No pasoori by any don etc. 