A friend of mine has been married for over two years, her other half lives in France and she is in Pakistan. This couple has been together for over nine years now and are seriously in love with each other. They have always been through difficult times and have proved that they will stick up for each no matter what happens.
In the past nine years, they have met each other very little, basically after securing their relationship with a marital bond. But their love has grown and no matter how far they are from each other, they are always in touch over the phone. They talk on phone, every day for more than six hours.
Initially they planned to have the ‘ruksati’ done with in a year. The problem is that her mother would be left alone if she goes to Paris. Her mother is completely paralysed and needs looking after all the time. They have no relatives and all her sisters are abroad. Her only brother is young and sometimes very careless and irresponsible towards real life situations. Now she claims that she can’t leave her mother like this, because it’s her duty to look after her. She cannot take her to Paris, because of immigration procedures. Her stay in Pakistan is also creating tensions between the families as well.
Is she wrong? Is it fair on her husband to be on his own, even after he has a wife?
Should she go and leave her mother? Is she her responsibility?
Would it create problems, if she doesn’t go?
I personally think that these two people need to be together, they deserve it. But at the same time, I know her mother needs her too. I know the sort of nurses we have in Pakistan and how they treat people, even if you are paying a lot of money. What should she do?
I agree with Fret. If they have waited 9 years to be together, surely he can make the move to Pakistan. If they love each other as passionately as you have stated, then it really shouldn't be a major issue for him to relocate. He should be understanding of the situation. The mother would be left completely on her own, which isn't right.
Would it be possible for any of her siblings to move to Pakistan for a few years?
No Mehnaz none of the sisters can move and take the responisibilty.
They have been through a hell of a time as a family and each of the sibling carries so much emotional baggage that it is affecting them after getting settled as well. They bicker on issues which can be dealt with easily hence they hardly talk to each other.
Her brother disapproves of her staying back and claims that she is after the money rather than looking after her mother. I know this girl very well and I know she has no such intentions. I feel mentally drained after counselling them, my father and I have spent hours with each of them and resolved matters before, but now I dont really have the energy nor the time to deal with it. At the moment, the brother keeps threatening her and accusing her of non-sense. She is not in a good state and I feel she is not safe with her brother. He is not a very nice person and can get up to anything.
Her hubby cannot move to Pakistan because he needs to support his family back home and he cannot earn much in Pakistan. He loves her very much and keeps saying, do what u think is right and don't leave your mother but I feel he will soon be fed up and sick of all this. I dont really want this to happen, I have been through each and every phase of their life with them and I know them very well. I know how things are and what they are leading to, my intuition and personal knowledge is alarming me about something bad.
Can she find someone who can take care of her mom. I have friend who is the only child, her mom did not wanted to stay here and she couldn't go back with her. They found a needy couple (thier children were married and they were in their 50s) who stayed with her mom in Pakistan. The woman took care of her mom and the man took care of everything outside of house like taking her to Dr etc. My friend visited her mom once a year and she also paid some money to the couple.
Everyone's situation is different, she need to think about everything and decide. Its not easy to leave your parents or husband. tough situation. Hopefully her brother will decide to take care of mom like she has been and thats the only way it can be solved with out feeling guilty.
I have explained that she is not willing to leave her mother and go to her husband. They have been through very very difficult times. I wish none of us experiences anything similar. Circumstances and experiences mould people's behaviours and attitudes in life. I would like to hear a good solution from you rather then being critical over the siblings attitudes. And if you don't have one, than just pray that they come out of it.
I’m sorry, I meant the girls sisters n brother. I can sympathize with the girl, she cannot leave her family and he cannot leave his.. You mentioned that the brother was irrresponsible and accusing her of greed and $$ and the sisters have some issues that could be worked out if they weren’t so stubborn and refusedt o speak to each other. Anyway, sorry if i was too harsh :halo:
How does the mother feel abt this? You mentioned there were visa/mmigration issues, is it entirely impossible that she cannot move to Paris? They’ve been married for 9 yrs (rite?), was this the situation when they got married?
It seems like a difficult situation.. i hope u work it out
^NO, they have been married for two years but been committed for nearly ten years. She is about 28 and they fell in love when they were only 17-18 back in august 1996. They have been together since then. I sometimes feel time will only work it out for them, lets just pray and hope for the best. The mother can't speak and is completely paralysed.
1 - her treatment there would be better
2- if the husband is earning in France, he MIGHT be able to support his wife and her mother both
Otherwise, I would recommend that the girl's brother should take his mother in - its culturally a son's responsibility anyway to keep the mother. Why is he refraining from taking his mother in?
He is willing to look after her but he is not caring and responsible. She doesn't really trust him. Plz read above that they cannot take her to Paris, although she is trying.
**PCG U ARE SUGGESTING THEY SHOULD GET DIVORCED? IS THAT ALL YOU CAN THINK OF? I WANTED YOUR OPINION BUT YOUR OPINION DISGUSTS ME...
Sweetheart they love each other and want to be together forever. They have faced problems before and I feel Allah SWT will sort it out for them. Divorce is definitely not an option, they would rather live the way they are living now until they die. U have made me sad !!!
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