The real question is whether she herself is **also **offering the complete package. For example, a guy who fulfills ALL of the her conditions may also have his conditions as well. For example, he may not like her to go and work in an all male office or may not like the late night dinner parties at her office. He may require that she should also not have any prior baggage. He may also require that she prays and fasts regularly. He may not like taking her out to lavish shopping etc.
I think in general her demands are reasonable especially that the guy should not be a drinker etc. But ofcourse this also depends on what the guy demands.
Personally i am happy with most of her demands, but still feels that she should be willing to contribute home for at lest first few years.
Her stand on moderately religious is also ok, it is all on base of common sense, myself pray 5 times and have moderately religious lifestyle, but do not force anyone to follow my lifestyle. But alhamdu lillah so far so good.
On her ability to offer, i am sure she does not have any baggage, the only closest thing was when she indicated her support for a rishta but that also without her having such kind of BF/GF relationship (the thing could not go through due to inter family issue).
She is not party animal, love to be at home as soon as work finish and do pray time to time.
After reading replies, i am quite comfortable with her situation insha allah something would come out soon.
As we are going through process of finding a match for my daughter, there is a bit tension in the house, and today she told me her expectations:-
Must be below 30 (she is going to be** 24 **soon).
She would not require to work, her career would be solely her prerogative.
Educated and established enough in life to maintain her lifestyle (not very lavish but, we have upper middle class lifestyle).
Do not want to live alone, so must have extended family to live with.
Not overtly religious (moulvi) but still religious enough to respect and practice in moderate ways.
Of must be of good character. no drinking, smoking and not past baggage of relationship (she herself doesn’t carry such baggage).
On my side I feel that:-
It is too early for guy under 30 to maintain wife on his own.
She seems to be on the fast track for wonderful career (marketing at a top US IT giant) in such an early stage of her professional life she should not give it up.
Wish to live with extended family is most welcome, but it is not practical as young peoples move around according to career and one could not guarantee the relationship with in laws (better to go separate way in good times then after souring relationships)
Is she reasonable in her expectation or this just her to telling me do not bother me right now?
SHows she is a bit naive, expected at this age.
BY limiting age below 30 she's decreasing the possibility of finding a guy, who can fullfill rest of teh conditions.
Living will depend upon circumstances, even if she marries now into a big family, they may have to move in a year or two. No one knows what happens tomorrow.
Er...isn't that a dude's responsibility to provide and take care of his wife?
for many men it is. But I don't believe women are entitled to it. Everyone has some responsiblity in the raltionship - if the man is out working hard and providing food for the family - shouldn't it be expected that the woman do something as well? perhaps take care of the home? cook?
I am just amazed at at the sense of entitlement i frequently see in girls. It's not a Bollywood movie for gods sake.
Er...isn't that a dude's responsibility to provide and take care of his wife?
SARA morally and religiously the answer to this question is a yes, but with all the hoopla around women rights and women equality and all the male bashing makes us think otherwise.
for many men it is. But I don't believe women are entitled to it. Everyone has some responsiblity in the raltionship - if the man is out working hard and providing food for the family - shouldn't it be expected that the woman do something as well? perhaps take care of the home? cook?
I am just amazed at at the sense of entitlement i frequently see in girls. It's not a Bollywood movie for gods sake.
I agree, it goes both ways...but how do you know the girl isn't into taking care of the home and cooking and raising children?
The way you said it--"just teh ability to bear kids" makes it sound as if you believe having children is doing nothing.
Plus, if you read the first post....he does say she doesnt have baggage, she doesnt expect a very lavish lifestyle , just middle class, and she seems to be a fairy religious and traidtional type (wanting to live with in laws and all). So it doesnt seem like the type of girl you're talking about....
SARA morally and religiously the answer to this question is a yes, but with all the hoopla around women rights and women equality and all the male bashing makes us think otherwise.
yeah but what if the girl isnt into all that and is more traditional? Should she be scrutinized and criticized because other girls around her have their prefernces that dont match hers?
I dont see anything wrong with the demands that a guy be settled. Nobody WANTS a life of struggling and living paycheck to paycheck..its different when the couple once married comes across tough times and how they get through those difficult times.
To be fair, her expectations are very high, but rightly so. Aim for the stars and you reach thee sky and all that....
Age thing -fair point, though Im sure if you found the right guy at bang 30 she wouldnt say no (5 odd years isnt much between a couple)
Job thing - i think she wants the freedom of not being forced into maintaining a lifestyle and financial pressures ie many in laws live off their daughter in laws (stupid and unethical in my opinion, but hey they have their reasons...) so her request is a good one here.
Living with in laws - trust me, after a few days, weeks, months or years, she'll run out of there herself :-)
Not overtly religious - she wants a guy with values and ethics, but not a lambee daree mooch wala with his salwar up to his knees, who believes sex is his right and will enforce it violently so. If she's young and hip, she deserves a guy who look sthe part too. Fair point and you should look for a decent looking guy with a good religious outlook for womens rights here.
Good character/ no baggage - this one is a very interesting one. There is some naivety here. ANY Guy or girl not married by 30 are HIGHLY likely to have baggage and you should be prepared to accept this, or look for a much younger guy. If a guy who is good looking, has a great character, is a namazi/religiously moderate type, with the career to support his entire family and his upper middle class wife isnt married by 30...then think, what the hell IS wrong here??
I think its good you are discussing this, but perhaps you'll need to rethink some of these issues...
