Is she serious…. Or telling me something???

Lifestyle Relationships
1

As we are going through process of finding a match for my daughter, there is a bit tension in the house, and today she told me her expectations:-

  • Must be below 30 (she is going to be** 24 **soon).
  • She would not require to work, her career would be solely her prerogative.
  • Educated and established enough in life to maintain her lifestyle (not very lavish but, we have upper middle class lifestyle).
  • Do not want to live alone, so must have extended family to live with.
  • Not overtly religious (moulvi) but still religious enough to respect and practice in moderate ways.
  • Of must be of good character. no drinking, smoking and not past baggage of relationship (she herself doesn’t carry such baggage).

On my side I feel that:-

  • It is too early for guy under 30 to maintain wife on his own.
  • She seems to be on the fast track for wonderful career (marketing at a top US IT giant) in such an early stage of her professional life she should not give it up.
  • Wish to live with extended family is most welcome, but it is not practical as young peoples move around according to career and one could not guarantee the relationship with in laws (better to go separate way in good times then after souring relationships)

Is she reasonable in her expectation or this just her to telling me do not bother me right now?

2

There are many guys who are very capable of getting married and taking care of their wife at 30. Many guys can actually do well around 25, marriage should be a growing process for the both of them, so you shouldn't worry about the age.

Aliens..
3

Re: Is she serious…. Or telling me something???

I think her expectations are reasonable.

Gumshuda Gappyies
4

To my understanding she has decent career, and a guy and with same standard if both willing to work they could have more then decent lifestyle.

The issue come when she want him to solely responsible for her lifestyle, (she is not very lavish but still a good one), it seems to be a bit unfair to me.

Random
5

Re: Is she serious…. Or telling me something???

She is , only if she is willing to offer same thing back .

6

Re: Is she serious…. Or telling me something???

That's all reasonable.

Find her a good dude, man. Not enough of them around, let me tell ya. 90% of them are sleeze buckets, and will be weeded out simply by her requirement that he not have baggage.

LOL. Every desi man has baggage. More than they should.

Gumshuda Gappyies
7

Re: Is she serious…. Or telling me something???

she's more reasonable than ur being :)

and if she's doing so well at a young age, why would u not think that the guy would be just as well either? who says 30+ defines successfulness?

most guys by 26-27 have good jobs, have started their careers

in terms of wanting to live with inlaws... maybe she fears being on her own. I know a lot of girls like to have people around. My bhabhi is like that and doesnt want it any other way.. i myself had my inlaws around and it was soo nice.

You've got a very decent girl there... Mashallah se

Gumshuda Gappyies
8

If the guy is educated and employed, I'm sure she will be fine if she doesn't work. She just needs to commmunicate this with her future husband, so there are no miscommunications. I'm sure you guys will be able to see which type of man could suffice her way of living.

Aliens..
9

I agree wholeheartedly!

Desi men are the worst of their kind on this earth and are full of lies, cheating, shamelessness and are ready to hit on any single/married available or not avaialable girl/woman.

They are just plain pathetic monster creatures and are 'skumbags' to say the least. :)

Gumshuda Gappyies
10

Re: Is she serious…. Or telling me something???

^ thank u :)

Gumshuda Gappyies
11

You're welcome. Thanks for being sooo understanding. :)

Gumshuda Gappyies
12

Re: Is she serious…. Or telling me something???

and yet some of us cant stop chasing these scumbags. :(

Gumshuda Gappyies
13

Re: Is she serious…. Or telling me something???

TS i dont think your daughter is being unreasonable at all, well here :

* Must be below 30 (she is going to be 24 soon).

Well there are enough desi guys who are doing well at the age of 25/26

* She would not require to work, her career would be solely her prerogative.

I myself believe and i know enough guys who think a wife should only work because she wants and not because she needs to, i mean obviously her helping out makes it even better but if she doesnt want to there are enough guys making who are earning a decent living and that should not be a problem.

* Educated and established enough in life to maintain her lifestyle (not very lavish but, we have upper middle class lifestyle).

Well these 2 conditions are not at all unreasonable, i mean a lot of guys are making high 70s and low 80s and as she mentioned she wants to be in a joint family environment in that case they can enjoy a decent living, nothing extravagant but still comfortable

* Do not want to live alone, so must have extended family to live with.

That is one of the biggest pluses of your daughter, cuz this is one of the biggest issues faced by desi guys cuz on one end our desi society expects the guy to take care or atleast support his parents and on the other hand wives are dreaming of a separate dream place, so if she wants to live with an extended family trust me she is really going to be happy.

* Not overtly religious (moulvi) but still religious enough to respect and practice in moderate ways.

Well dat goes from person to person and i cannot comment on that.

* Of must be of good character. no drinking, smoking and not past baggage of relationship (she herself doesn’t carry such baggage).

Yeah this is a tough one, character well i cannot say much but smoking and drinking and ohh yeah past relationship baggage is an issue and there are very few guys who fulfill this condition, you will find one of these issues in majority of them if not all of these problems, atleast i can say i have all of these problems :smiley:

Khair TS goodluck and best wishes to your daughter, she indeed has very good and reasonable expectations and InshaAllah you will find someone she deserves, Aameen :k:

Dates
14

Re: Is she serious…. Or telling me something???

so it is too early for a guy under 30 to uphold a marraige, but not too early for a girl under 25. ok.

her expectations are fine.

Dates
15

Yes..lol

Perhaps no other choice.

It goes both ways....Other day I have been reading the post of this supposedly 'whitewash' Pakistani man. Pathetic as it could be, despite all his efforts to mingle with non-desi attitude and dating various women, could not find a decent acceptable girl to marry. lol

Dates
16

Re: Is she serious…. Or telling me something???

^ Who are you talking about?

Sins
17

Re: Is she serious…. Or telling me something???

Anyway. You are a kind father. Not everyone pays attention to stuff like this.

18

Oh someone on GS.....:)

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i must say yr daughter’s wishes r same that i wud have for my husband. i dont see anything wrong at all with what she wants.

20

Re: Is she serious…. Or telling me something???

yes in my opinion she is looking at a very reasonable guy … please bear in mind that sometimes one become flexible if majority of the things match her expectations…

she is just 24 … quite young mashallah … so keep looking … Its actually good that she herself is giving these expectations to you .. at least you can be at peace that she wont go out choosing a wrong guy for herself :hmmm: