Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?
But what about the second bahu? Won't second bahu have more difficulty in adjusting to this family since this first bahu has already established standards and since she's already the favourite of this family? Didn't first bahu get a very very easy susraal which the second bahu will not have since there is already a bahu to whom this second bahu will be constantly compared?
Yes it is human nature to compare but its not really fair because every individual has their positives n negatives. The 1st bahu may have set a standard to follow and that may be difficult for 2nd bahu to follow through but if she is good in her own way i don't think the inlaws should have a reason to do the unnecessary comparisons.
Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?
hmmm good point. And she also didn't have any SIL. This means, the situation does affect a girl's behaviour in her susraal. If there's no nand, she can be a good bahu otherwise no.
Out of all the replies posted this is the one you decided to take seriously.
Why? Because its what you want to hear...
You're jealous doll. It'd make for a juicy conversation is the MIL was bad mouthing the bahu.
Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?
Out of all the replies posted this is the one you decided to take seriously.
Why? Because its what you want to hear...
You're jealous doll. It'd make for a juicy conversation is the MIL was bad mouthing the bahu.
No dear. I am just trying to understand the logic of girls and their families preferences of finding small families when they look for their proposals.
I am just trying to figure whether the same girl would be a good bahu if there were few SILs in the family too. Then the susraal might also have not given her this much acceptance and appreciation. This is not just from the Bahu's side but also from the in-laws side.
Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?
hmmm good point. And she also didn't have any SIL. This means, the situation does affect a girl's behaviour in her susraal. If there's no nand, she can be a good bahu otherwise no.
Yeah, well if there are nands involved then you have to get along with all of them. If there is a problem with one then that just creates a ripple effect and while others may not show it, its in back of their hearts and minds. So, she is on a very good and easy batting pitch.
Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?
compared at doing something really easy, according to you. is the 2nd bahu a wimp that she can't do what is so easy for first bahu?
No one knows about the second bahu. But each and every of her action, decision and behaviour will be compared to the first bahu. E.g. if the second bahu wants to stay separately (as we all on GS agree that separate living is the right of bahus), she will be considered wimp since the first bahu didn't demand separate living. If the second bahu wants to work, she will not be able to give as much time to the house and she will be compared negatively with the first bahu.
In these terms, I meant the first bahu got a level playing field since no previous standards were set. I really appreciate she has been a very good bahu but won't her being good will be a problem for the second bahu?
Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?
So its my aunty's bahu. Its been more than a year since they got married. We have been hearing so many tareefain and praises of her bahu.
**
Bahu's background:**
Has been living in large joint family in a small house
Middle class family with only one bread-winner, i.e. bahu's father
Susraal's background:
Small family with just two sons, so no nand for the bahu and no previous bahu in the family
Everyone's working in the family so financially very well settled as compared to Bahu's family
Big house as compared to bahu's parent's house
High social status as compared to bahu's family
Since no daughter and no previous bahu in the family, she immediately became everyone's favourite. Her husband, her brother-in-law, her MIL and her FIL.
The bahu is not working, is a home-maker, is giving her 200% in managing the house, remembers the names of her MIL and FIL's medicines, doing their khidmat etc. The in-laws are extremely happy with the bahu.
She is really doing great. But what I feel is that she **ACTUALLY **got an easy pitch to play on. Since there is no daughter or elder bahu in the family, the family was really happy when they finally had a girl in their home. She immediately became daughter to her MIL and FIL and sister to her BIL. The bahu didn't have any competition so whatever she is doing is being appreciated by her in-laws alot.
Now, since she already has set the criteria and standard, I think the second bahu will have a hard time in making her place in the family because she will be compared with the first bahu for everything.
Does a girl's chances of becoming good or bad bahu depend more on the situation than her nature? I think any girl can be a good bahu in the above mentioned circumstances.
Before I say something I need to understand What is your beef against this happy family ?
Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?
why would she want to live separately when even lazybum and good for nothing first bahu is able to give 200%? is she a wimp?
My uncle and aunty have left the choice to their bahu to work or not. Every girl has different aims in life. If the second bahu wants to pursue her career, she will be working. And she CAN demand separate living. Its her right in Islam :D
Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?
My uncle and aunty have left the choice to their bahu to work or not. Every girl has different aims in life. If the second bahu wants to pursue her career, she will be working. And she CAN demand separate living. Its her right in Islam :D
and the cat is out of the bag. this is a disguised "can women work after marriage" thread! yayyyy!
Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?
I might get their proposal Nothing is sure as of now. But there are chances.
I have known this girl, very sweet natured girl, we get along very well. The way she has been handling the house, I think I am not that efficient. So I am afraid. She has been taking care of all the house, taking care of each family member.
Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?
and the cat is out of the bag. this is a disguised "can women work after marriage" thread! yayyyy!
No its not that. If you know me and have been reading my previous posts, I am a girl who would like to do everything to have happy in-laws. Its just that I don't think I can be a good bahu like her even if I don't work.
Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?
So do you do not want to follow her foot steps ? If yes then do not accept the proposal , if you have no problem in following her footsteps then you two can divide responsibilities.
What is so complicated about it ?
If two people divide the work it will be less hassle and less stressful. Be positive about it and you will be happy.
Re: Is she a good bahu or its just that she got an easy pitch to play on?
No dear. I am just trying to understand the logic of girls and their families preferences of finding small families when they look for their proposals.
I am just trying to figure whether the same girl would be a good bahu if there were few SILs in the family too. Then the susraal might also have not given her this much acceptance and appreciation. This is not just from the Bahu's side but also from the in-laws side.
Well you're on your way in the house - find out for yourself.
I think all the peace of that house is about to go bust as soon as you enter.
You're already comparing and contrasting - what you SHOULD be doing is trying to make your "jaga"
by showing love and respect.
Nothing is sure as of now. But there are chances.
Ashyyyyyyyy. You’ll be fine