Re: is MAID a better choice??
oh i should clarify my 3 hour a day maid does cleaning/dusting/ironing/bathrooms etc. I do all the cooking and taking care of my daughter. Once in a while if i need a nap and my daughter has been fussy or won't nap...the maid will watch her so i can rest.
Re: is MAID a better choice??
Iconoclast,
i am not sure, whether you agree with the point i made. but from the anecdote which you described here, it seems that there is a negative impact of reliance on servant and maids, no?
what did you say to your son, if you dont mind telling.
best, Dushwari
I told him that he is big kid now and not a baby who needs a spoon to be brought to his mouth.
Re: is MAID a better choice??
If for somebody their career is more important then their kids…then just dont have kids…only ones parents can truley love and adore their kids…
If for financial reason you really have to work then work when kids are in school or when they are old enough to know the difference between whats right and whats wrong.
Re: is MAID a better choice??
A maid is a good option and 4 hours a day 2 of which she is sleeping is pretty good. Honestly a maid is a paid employee and it's their job..your child is their job and no matter how great they are and how much they love your child it is a job and will leave for a better offer. we chose not to get a full time maid for this reason...
This is exactly the kind of feeling we don't want to expose our children to. We have a wonderful full time maid and we treat her as a family member. We don't want our kids to be disrespectful to any elder by thinking of them as paid employees.
Re: is MAID a better choice??
I'm with most of the others here. I would dearly love to have a maid but would have one for cleaning only. My kids are for me and my hubby to raise and take care of.
Re: is MAID a better choice??
Parents who are interested in keeping a maid to take care of their children should be mentally prepared to be left to a maid after they become too old to be able to take care of themselves.
Re: is MAID a better choice??
^brother! I think you got wrong conclusion. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was raised by one.
Re: is MAID a better choice??
for a women i think its very imp first to be a good daughter, a good wife and ofcourse a good mom...everythin comes after that....if ur w rkin u wrk for ur family..u do everythin for the sake of ur family betterment....anyhu...i wud ratehr raie my own kds so that they know what is the value of mother love and i wdnt want amaid to raise ma kids....thas a big no......
Re: is MAID a better choice??
sir ur kind need special attention. maid ko choorain> app ko khud khilana chi tha 
. phir us ko aik do dafa k baat aihista aihista batatay k yaar khud kaho.
i get pissed when maidz used do my work. 
jo kaam ho ga meri ma’a ya father kerain gain, werna wo kaam nahi hoga 
Re: is MAID a better choice??
^brother! I think you got wrong conclusion. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was raised by one.
and the reason was not that his parents were too busy to give time to him.(saw)
His father was not alive, and his mother couldn't feed him milk due to some reasons.
I am talking about the cases where parents are too busy to give time to their children, hence go for a maid.
Re: is MAID a better choice??
Parents who are interested in keeping a maid to take care of their children should be mentally prepared to be left to a maid after they become too old to be able to take care of themselves.
Please lets not be too dramatic...Some people who have been there for their kids personally have ended up in homes etc...so how do you explain that?
Also for those who say do not have kids if you not prepared to take care of them....please take a chill pill guys. Thats a bit harsh!
This is exactly the kind of feeling we don't want to expose our children to. We have a wonderful full time maid and we treat her as a family member. We don't want our kids to be disrespectful to any elder by thinking of them as paid employees.
Yeah...our maids are family members too and deserve and get respect as such. In this way my kids do not discriminate between the classes, colours, religions etc.
Each to their own...If you opt for a maid then go for it...If you opt not to have a maid thats fine too. Nobody needs to be criticised to the point that they are being accused of being bad parents in either case.
Re: is MAID a better choice??
and the reason was not that his parents were too busy to give time to him.(saw)
His father was not alive, and his mother couldn't feed him milk due to some reasons.
I am talking about the cases where parents are too busy to give time to their children, hence go for a maid.
But the fact still remains that he was raised by a maid...whatever the reason and he didnt turn out too bad right :)
Re: is MAID a better choice??
Sister, I agree and understand what you mean here, let me clear my perspective.
I am not against a maid if she is there to support and help the mother to make her work easy, but I was talking about the cases where the mother goes out for a job and leaves her child to the mercy of a maid. You see, no one can be like a mother. In some cases the maid try to give food to the child and if the child doesn't eat she might eat it herself and tell you later that the child has eaten food. I am sure that not all cases are like that but how can you be sure that she is not using shortcuts to make her own life comfortable.
Allah has blessed this quality only to a mother that she happily sleeps on that part of the bed which is made dirty by the child and let the child sleep on the clean place of the bed.
Would you even like to happily touch the diaper of someone else's baby ? NO ! then why expect a maid to be sincere and deal with your baby like she would deal her own baby
Re: is MAID a better choice??
thanks dear Aly Sam, STP, Iconoclast, Zbia and others, given the point made that not having maids and servants is not absolutely possible in case of dual income families, or parents who need help with parenting, can we say that total reliance is not good, but a helpeing hand is fine?
Dushwari
Re: is MAID a better choice??
I think very few people would say that a maid is a "better" choice to raise your kids, and it's a bit self-righteous to think that these people who choose to have maids and nannies are less caring toward their children and have put their careers first. These days there are many reasons that couples cannot stay at home with the children. It is a luxury and not everyone can afford it. Please lose the attitude.
Re: is MAID a better choice??
thanks dear Aly Sam, STP, Iconoclast, Zbia and others, given the point made that not having maids and servants is not absolutely possible in case of dual income families, or parents who need help with parenting, can we say that total reliance is not good, but a helpeing hand is fine?
Dushwari
Yes you are right...especially in the case of kids, if you have a good enough helping hand, it should be fine.
I think very few people would say that a maid is a "better" choice to raise your kids, and it's a bit self-righteous to think that these people who choose to have maids and nannies are less caring toward their children and have put their careers first. These days there are many reasons that couples cannot stay at home with the children. It is a luxury and not everyone can afford it. Please lose the attitude.
Thanks for that post sahar...I would also like to clarify I do not have a career, I gave up my career when I was expecting my first child...I do have a job to help us going. I have zilch social life...everywhere I go...my kids tag along like my handbags :-) so of course we only go to child-friendly places....and to have someone insinuate that simply by employing a maid is making me careless is very discouraging.
Please people, do not live in a world where you imagine women are either loving and caring stay-at-home mothers or career-type/socialising butterflies. Theres a whole world of in-betweens there.
Re: is MAID a better choice??
Sister, I agree and understand what you mean here, let me clear my perspective.
I am not against a maid if she is there to support and help the mother to make her work easy, but I was talking about the cases where the mother goes out for a job and leaves her child to the mercy of a maid. You see, no one can be like a mother. In some cases the maid try to give food to the child and if the child doesn't eat she might eat it herself and tell you later that the child has eaten food. I am sure that not all cases are like that but how can you be sure that she is not using shortcuts to make her own life comfortable.
Allah has blessed this quality only to a mother that she happily sleeps on that part of the bed which is made dirty by the child and let the child sleep on the clean place of the bed.
Would you even like to happily touch the diaper of someone else's baby ? NO ! then why expect a maid to be sincere and deal with your baby like she would deal her own baby
Maybe you have not heard such great experiences with maids...so you generalise that kids will be mis-treated by maids. Maids are human beings too and they may be in a poorer circumstance than you, but they do have morals and principles. After all if you view your employees with suspicion, then they are likely to act that way.
Re: is MAID a better choice??
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Re: is MAID a better choice??
We also need to remember that mothers are prime role models for their children -- particularly their daughters. If you want to stay at home and take care of them, that's great. That's what I'd like to do. But at the same time, don't give up all the joys and ambitions of your life. What kind of example are you setting for your children by giving up all the potential you have in your career, social, spiritual, and family life? Be an individual who is not simply dependent on others for an identity.
Re: is MAID a better choice??
I don't think I would be able to make my perspective clear to some people. I am not against grandmother taking care of children but regarding cases when people bring strangers to serve as maids in their absence.
I think in this case one should intrview someone who became a victom of child abuse in such a way that his/her parents couldn't even know, infact the parents were blind folded by a sweat reputation/dealing that they have brought an angel to their house in the form of a maid.
There are certain things you can never compromise on and there are certain things which can be compromised for a certain time. It is up to a mother if she wants to compromise the earlier life of her child or few years of her profession, career,...etc. she has a right to make a decison and be ready for the consequences.
Btw why do old parents complain when their children leave them home with maids. You see maids are human beings with feelings. Parents should realize that their children have their wishes of learning, potential of career, ....etc. so they should quickly die and be buried along with their wishes of spending time with their children. ISN'T IT ?? Such thought comes to the children when earlier a mother showed them through her own actions that she can sacrifice a child's childhood for her own career. As you sow so shall you reap.
I am not saying that we should leave our profession and stay at home, but there is no substitute for a mother's love and she should not let anyone share it with her, but only to support her in her presence. Nothing is impossible when one is willing to struggle to achieve anything along with seeking the blessings and grace of Allah.
For all other things you would get many opportunities, but not for the time which you missed when a close relative needed you, but he couldn't effectively comunicate his feelings/problems/wishes to you.