In an arranged-marriage/rishta search situation, is lying or bending the truth or leaving out potentially important information–such as where you wanna settle after marriage, ur plans for life etc :p–common ?
Re: Is lying common?
yes... eventhough if u're telling truth.. the plans change really fast.. cuz of million different factors..
Re: Is lying common?
Yeah but at least ur tellin the truth as opposed to lying, and saying like.. “oh i wanna settle in Pak forever” and u think “after marriage we’ll move to US”.. at least u hav the intention when u say that even if plans change.. :halo:
Re: Is lying common?
yes its pretty common ..tell u why ..
his family made up the mind of future, but to GET you, they need to lie/bend-truth .. cuz after marriage, after some arguments/rona-dhona/etc it WILL happen.. but it wouldnt matter that time cuz u will be married by that time ..and question of "you never said THIS" wouldnt apply really..
Re: Is lying common?
Sara, is this trip to lahore to find a murgha for you? :)
Re: Is lying common?
Nope :)
Re: Is lying common?
sara - I dont think base of any relation should be on any lie or hiding the truth.
I cant imagine lying down next to someone and have this feeling oh i cant share certain part of life with them. I will be sharing my life with him there should be nothing like my secret or your secret it should be our secret which most husband and wife have].
Lets say if mine one tells me something after marriage for example lets say he wants to live in atlanta and i cant stand that place. Would we have a problem? you bet we will, now i am not a girl who sits there with tissue paper and garbage bin and cry. I am someone who takes action. If he is wants me to give up something he has to give up something as well and sara you always ask the guy to give up something t hat is most dear to him ;). Lets say leave the mother *grin, or your name on all the deeds plus copy in your possession.
this way he wont force anything on you ;) ;)
Re: Is lying common?
oh both of u will be in for a surprize..
Re: Is lying common?
Nia, thats pretty obvious, no marriage built on lies can ever be good.. but by the time you figure out the “lie” it’s often too late to leave. Blame my american upbringing, but i would feel totally cheated if that happened to me and I dont want to put anyone through that. It seems to be a common occurrence in many of these arranged situations: say one thing before marriage and u get somethin totally different after, kinda like Duckky’s thread on religious men.
I told my mom that nothing built on lies can ever be good but she said that that’s how things are. Everyone lies and not everyone is “tere jesa changa” (shameless plugging of my moms tareefing of me 
)
Re: Is lying common?
Aww, Sara that's cute. You have a nice mom. I don't agree though that it's inevitable that everyone lies. Why? What would be the reason for lying about where a couple will live? Is he trying to string her along? I would think that telling the truth would help avoid future nagging from a disgruntled wife.
Re: Is lying common?
Ppl tell little white lies all the time...usually they r harmless. We haven't come across any major lies (like the example u have given), in any arranged marriages in my family. So no, for me it's not common to lie when in the rishta searching situation. In fact, i find there r a lot more lies happening in love marriages, where the couple may have to twist things to get the ball rolling at least; or hiding things about each other from ur family...things u just don't want them to know. But arranged wise, i haven't seen problems with lies. Makes sense, bcos there's no point putting up a front...when after the wedding the couple is gona talk and find out anyway. Most parents won't do that to their kids' futures. Just my experience.
Re: Is lying common?
Sara is getting married 
Re: Is lying common?
People do lie and mislead others, some times deliberately and other times they actually genuinely believe what they are saying, in which case it isn’t really a lie. You will only get to know if someone is sincere in what they are saying and thinking if you can actually talk to each other directly, but even then, there are no guarantees. You can usually tell if someone is being genuine and honest or insincere.
Re: Is lying common?
from what i've seen in my family/friends...yep it is.
i know of this girl in my family who got her nikah done with this guy in pakistan who was rumored to have seizures or something. The family straight up denied them and the nikah was done with all the pomp and show and a year later the guy was to get his greencard and come to the US. however it became obvious during that time that the guy had serious mental issues. As they say in pakistan " jinn char jaata hai" he started getting seizures frequently, would disappear for many days and was unusually quiet or sometimes really violent. the girls parents ended the nikah a few months ago but its so sad that this girl is almost into her 30's and u know how hard it will be to find a good rishta once you have broken a nikah and aged in our society. obviously the guy's family is to blame for this and partly,the girl's family, for not investigating the "rumour" enough in a hurry to marry off the daughter.
Re: Is lying common?
Freakin hell!! It’s so damn frustrating, nobody gets it, I DONT WANT TO SETTLE HERE..hence I dont want a guy from here..vy does it automatically mean if i take a guy from here , hes gnna be driving cabs and stuff?? My parents didnt go through all that crap just so I would 25 yrs later.. grrrr 
Re: Is lying common?
Sara you are 25 
Re: Is lying common?
:chusni:
Re: Is lying common?
Nahi yaar, im 20 
but in five yrs i will be married and living in NYC, and , according to ammi, well both be working 20 hr days min-wage jobs coz he’s an immigrant 
Re: Is lying common?
Just say NO Sara ... no no no. Don't be pressured into something that will cause you unhappiness.
Re: Is lying common?
hahahahah, well i got a suggestion for you, How abt you go back to New York, finish school, get a decent job, and Find yourself a Dulha OR
|Prince Talal, i guess 18/17th richest guy in the World Looking for Bride Number 3 or 4(Who cares when u have money) .
So choice is yours my fren, you wanna take the Shortcut or the Long route!