I’ve experienced love and that beautiful kind of love, care, and attraction. How do I forget it. I’m meeting all these men for the sake of marriage, I see them as friends but that love in their eyes isn’t there nor do i feel it when i meet with them. I admit i’m not in my early 20s anymore but I don’t want to succumb to desperation because if that is the case of me just having the married label on me, then I would prefer not to get married. It’s just the fear of never finding love and the fear of never having that beautiful kind of feeling of knowing this person is the one.
I talked with a guy on the phone and messaged him for a few weeks but when I met him in person, I felt absolutely nothing and there was no attraction from my end but now I don't want to hurt him by saying anything. Plus all those superficial things like height, since I wear heels and i'm like an inch taller than him and felt really stranger being taller than him. I don't see myself as a superficial person but I felt nothing when I met him in person and I feel horrible now.
I was dumped on height even though I am 5'9. I didn't like the girl anyway because she had nothing to offer - no high education, angry face etc but I kept the conversation civil in the hopes that it will die of eventually when I respond less and less instead of telling her straight off which might come as awkward. But she didn't even let it get to that. She dumped me with a text over my height
I have the same reservation as you now. I like a girl and she likes me and I think we are in a little bit of love which can grow exponentially if we work (mostly I) work towards it. But I am not sure if love is enough to make the relationship work. We have different religions and reading from posts here about interfaith, most of the marriages didn't work out. So I am kinda on edge to move forward because there will be no going back. If I get over this, then I feel afraid if I ever am going to find someone that has the same connection and love with me as her? What if I can't? This scares me so I don't know.
But don't worry, you will find someone ..otherwise being single is not the end of the world
I was dumped on height even though I am 5'9. I didn't like the girl anyway because she had nothing to offer - no high education, angry face etc but I kept the conversation civil in the hopes that it will die of eventually when I respond less and less instead of telling her straight off which might come as awkward. But she didn't even let it get to that. She dumped me with a text over my height
This guy said he was 5' 7" on his profile and i'm pretty short 5'4" but with my 1 1/2 inch heeled boots I was a bit taller than him and felt really awkward and I was thinking he really saw the difference magnified too. Plus for our first meeting he was dressed like a farm hand as in old worn out jeans and a worn out shirt and I was really dressed up so I would feel comfortable and confident with the way I looked. When we decided to meet, I did say that I was still not sure about anything yet and he did comfort me by saying that we should both see this as a friendship meeting. he felt all these sparks after just 2 hours of conversation over dinner and said I was more beautiful than my pics which was sweet but all the sparks he saw, unfortunately as much as I wanted to experience them too, I didn't feel them. Feel like total crap.
I have the same reservation as you now. I like a girl and she likes me and I think we are in a little bit of love which can grow exponentially if we work (mostly I) work towards it. But I am not sure if love is enough to make the relationship work. We have different religions and reading from posts here about interfaith, most of the marriages didn't work out. So I am kinda on edge to move forward because there will be no going back. If I get over this, then I feel afraid if I ever am going to find someone that has the same connection and love with me as her? What if I can't? This scares me so I don't know.
But don't worry, you will find someone ..otherwise being single is not the end of the world
Well it's comforting that i'm not the only one in this state.
Imagine if we were married right now to people that are so wrong for us and having all these questions in our minds. That's even worse. I'd rather be single. I want a life time connection, attraction, love that I see in other couples.
Depends what kind of love you’re waiting for. If you expect him to see you, and then jump start a bollywood song (let’s say Mareez-E-Ishq, cause I’m liking that one these days ) - Then yeah it’s stupid.
Your post made me wonder whether you truly are over the first experience you had with love - it doesn’t sound so. Are you?
Depends what kind of love you're waiting for. If you expect him to see you, and then jump start a bollywood song (let's say Mareez-E-Ishq, cause I'm liking that one these days :p ) - Then yeah it's stupid.
Your post made me wonder whether you truly are over the first experience you had with love - it doesn't sound so. Are you?
No, no dumb bollywood stuff and I don't watch those movies because i think they are so stupid.
Possibly you are right as much as I tried I still can't get his face and smile and expressions and the effect he had on me out of my mind. It was because of the fact that he was there when I was going through an especially scary time in my life. Seeing him just gave me a strange peaceful feeling. So it's even harder to forget. I'm doing everything I can to get past it, trying to be around other people and giving to charity as well as moving on with talking to other men.
If Allah forbid you and your husband could not be together, it would be just as difficult for you to get over it right?
No, no dumb bollywood stuff and I don't watch those movies because i think they are so stupid.
Possibly you are right as much as I tried I still can't get his face and smile and expressions and the effect he had on me out of my mind. It was because of the fact that he was there when I was going through an especially scary time in my life. Seeing him just gave me a strange peaceful feeling. So it's even harder to forget. I'm doing everything I can to get past it, trying to be around other people and giving to charity as well as moving on with talking to other men.
If Allah forbid you and your husband could not be together, it would be just as difficult for you to get over it right?
Was "he" your husband? and yes obviously that would be difficult to get over. How long time ago is this? Because you don't sound ready to be with or talking with other men right now. Maybe you need some "me time" ?
Was "he" your husband? and yes obviously that would be difficult to get over. How long time ago is this? Because you don't sound ready to be with or talking with other men right now. Maybe you need some "me time" ?
No not my husband since there were too many issues that make marriage impractical with him and I don't think he ever saw me in that way so it can never be that way. It did not get to a relationship stage so it was not so haraam but since I got emotionally connected, now i'm finding it hard to get over it. More than a year now.
No not my husband since there were too many issues that make marriage impractical with him and I don't think he ever saw me in that way so it can never be that way. It did not get to a relationship stage so it was not so haraam but since I got emotionally connected, now i'm finding it hard to get over it. More than a year now.
This is the problem. You will not feel "love" or whatever it is you're looking for as long as you are still emotionally attached to your ex. You're wasting your time to even trying. Get over the ex first and then get back on the market.
No not my husband since there were too many issues that make marriage impractical with him and I don't think he ever saw me in that way so it can never be that way. It did not get to a relationship stage so it was not so haraam but since I got emotionally connected, now i'm finding it hard to get over it. More than a year now.
It is arguable that what you feel is more infatuation than love. It's a one-sided affair. If he was a friend, maybe you admire his personality and feel that you share a chemistry with him....but what you have is not concrete; it lacks substance. I am not saying that the reasons behind your admiration are not valid; they may be valid. However, you have no idea what kind of a partner he would be because he never reciprocated that interest. So, all you have is the "fantasy" of what marriage would be like with him and in those fantasies he might play the role of boyfriend/husband/dad beautifully....but real life may prove otherwise. The human imagination is powerful....been there, done that. And imagination or fantasy is not worth wasting your life over.....been there and made that mistake myself as well. There's a chance that this guy might have "sensed" your interest in him....and if he did, he did not do anything about it. So, he's not the one for you. Or even if he had no clue you were smitten with him, there was nothing holding him back from expressing his interest...that is...if he felt it. So, even in this case he was not the one for you. The right guy will pursue you. And you won't have to depend on the fantasies your mind conjures up....cuz you'll see his reciprocation (thru consistent actions) in real life.
So, as for the question of the thread..."is it wrong to wait for love?" No. But it can be harmful to wait for someone who is an exact copy of your former crush. And you'll find...with time...that your expectations of what you want can change.
Not sure about that but I feel its not right to waste golden days of your life in waiting for ‘love’ you were supposed to spend those years with. You should distinguish b/w “waiting for your love” and “waiting for love to happen”.
Not sure about that but I feel its not right to waste golden days of your life in waiting for 'love' you were supposed to spend those years with. You should distinguish b/w "waiting for your love" and "waiting for love to happen".
You must have felt something when you saw your wife for the first time. Something that told you that this is the woman you want to see and spend everyday of your life. Or did you feel nothing except see the resume/biodata and you said yes to marriage for a lifetime?
Yours is one where both you and your wife just click and match up.
When I met my husband (arranged marriage) I thought he was nice polite decent and civilised. He was a nice guy. Did I feel any love? Of course not. Love doesn't happen in half an hour. I started to like him when we got engaged. I fell in love with him after I married him. Love takes time. You need to have to live with someone and go through emotional experiences together to build love. We've been married three years now we have a baby girl and alhumdulillah we love each other very much. I only made dua to Allah and asked Him for a life partner who would love me and respect me and be kind to me and when I married my husband I went into it thinking this is it now, there will be no other for me and I will work at this relationship 110%. Alhumdulillah Allah answers our duas. Anyways the love you have as a couple changes over time too. It changes even more when you have kids. The dynamics change. But it doesn't mean the love is any less just different. Love at first sight I don't believe in. You need to see the good and bad of a person to love them. You see their imperfections and love them anyway.
) - Then yeah it’s stupid.