Assalaomalaikum
Need some advice
Say your mother wants you to get married somewhere else and your father somewhere else.
Would it be haram if you went against your fathers wishes and marry where your mother has said? Or just morally incorrect?
Your father passionately hates these people, only really because of the country these people are from, otherwise this proposal is very good. Really good. The family is muslim, just not of the same country or maybe you can say a muslim country but they are muslims in this country. You’re marrying the guy right? He is muslim and a pretty good and decent person. He still thinks you’ll be ruining your future generations if you were to go ahead and marry him.
It’s very difficult to go against your fathers wishes but at the same time its not that easy to say no to people that seem to promise a happy and secure future.
What would be the right thing to do?
The father is not someone that can really be reasoned with and tends to put his ego above all else.
Not a mufti or moral policeman but to me wut you are doing is neither haram nor immoral. Its just a case of your own life. you have to make the decision whatever you think is better for you. Either way you are agreeing with your mom, not like eloping or something.
It is haram for your father to pressure you and would be considered an immoral act in this society also. You are a person and not a property. Furthermore being a racist is not cool in this century.
Not a mufti or moral policeman but to me wut you are doing is neither haram nor immoral. Its just a case of your own life. you have to make the decision whatever you think is better for you. Either way you are agreeing with your mom, not like eloping or something.
Good luck!
Ye but he is also threatening to divorce the mother, he wont allow the other siblings to be a part of it...
Does it seem wise to just pull out? And InShaaAllah pray another proposal of this nature comes by at a later stage.
It is haram for your father to pressure you and would be considered an immoral act in this society also. You are a person and not a property. Furthermore being a racist is not cool in this century.
He is the father, at the end of the day is not it if his naraz Allah is naraz?
He is the father, at the end of the day is not it if his naraz Allah is naraz?
Allah will be naraz on him, as he is disobeying the commandments. You are only obliged to follow in just demands. His behavior is also illegal here. You, your mother and other siblings would be better off without him. By leaving he would be doing all a favor.
Allah will be naraz on him, as he is disobeying the commandments. You are only obliged to follow in just demands. His behavior is also illegal here. You, your mother and other siblings would be better off without him. By leaving he would be doing all a favor.
I dont think its fair on the siblings, they are very attached to him. Obviously he is the father, at the end of the day.How is it illegal? His allowed to have demands as to where he wants his daughter to get married right? But he should also be willing to take into account her wishes, this is something he is incapable of doing. Which commandment is he disobeying?
If this is really okay from an Islamic perspective , then don't see why this proposal should be rejected.
I dont think its fair on the siblings, they are very attached to him. Obviously he is the father, at the end of the day.How is it illegal? His allowed to have demands as to where he wants his daughter to get married right? But he should also be willing to take into account her wishes, this is something he is incapable of doing. Which commandment is he disobeying?
If this is really okay from an Islamic perspective , then don't see why this proposal should be rejected.
It is Hadiith that adult girls have a right to accept or reject the proposal and should not be forced. Compelling people to do things against their will is illegal here. You can consult with authorities. A blackmailer is responsible for his actions and you cannot take ownership of his decisions, divorcing and abandoning his children would be his decision and you cant be blamed for it. There is no way that an emotional manipulator and sociopathic control freak can be a good parent.
@Life01 rest assured that what you may wanna do is neither Haraam nor immoral...it's just breaking one parent's heart...you may think about it and that's it!
in Islam, one is supposed to obey [take advice] one's parent but in the matters of faith and choosing your life partner you are within your rights to say 'NO!'...parents are required by Islam to get children's approval anyways. you can say 'NO'.... it's not a big deal in Islam.
now, you have to decide how far you wanna go to displease them. it's entirely up to you!
what i can say is that parents usually come around if you stay your ground. they will accept one day...even after the marriage.
Khansa Bint Khidam said “My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace). He said to me “accept what your father has arranged.” I said “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.”
He said “then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” I said “I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). (Fathul Bari Sharah Al Bukhari 9/194, Ibn Majah Kitabun Nikah 1/602)
How well do you know this guy and his family? And who does your father want you to marry? Why is he not a suitable match?
Your father is definitely in the wrong here, but sometimes we have to put up with our parent's oddities even if they are wrong. If you really want to keep your family together and if your father has been a good parent to you, then you should try to reason with him. If you haven't developed feelings for the guy your mom is rooting for, then I would back away from the rishta and try to look for a guy that both your parents approve of. Some men are super old school and it becomes a matter of honour to have their kids respect (read: "obey" them). If he's given you an ultimatum, it sounds like he probably won't back away from it. There will be other better rishtas in your future inshaAllah. You only get one set of parents though. If your dad does end up leaving your mom over this, you will be losing not just your father but your siblings as well. Even though it looks like your parents' relationship is already on the rocks, your siblings won't look at it that way and will most likely blame you for causing this.
The decision you're leaning toward is not wrong at all, but you must consider all the consequences before making up your mind. I hope Allah makes this decision easier on you. Try doing an istikhara. I find that always puts my heart at ease.
Also remember whenever parents are seperated or divorced, its virtually impossible to keep both of them happy. Not only in this rishta situation but any. Have seen it many times.
So stop taking pressure, just do the best for yourself and the way you have presented the case, Im sure you are smart enough to make the best decision!
I had something similar happen to someone close to me. I think you should go to a molana at your mosque and ask this question, I'm sure the molana's at your mosque have emails you can send them. Random people online can give you advice but its best to get religious info from more learned people. Mind you some molanas are more conservative but some are moderate so be sure you have someone in mind.
So to the similar story, My friends dad was totally against her marrying a recent convert to Islam. In this case both parents were against it but she really liked him. The dad found another ristha for my friend from the mosque who he liked alot better than the converted rishta. Anyways after much in fighting the parents got there wish and she started talking to the guy her dad found. She did ishtikara and everything, and almost got engaged but later she found out that guy from the mosque was married in another state and was lying about his age and some other stuff. Turns out the first guy who was a convert was a much better person and human being than the guy from the mosque.
I would like to ask what specific reason is your father against this ristha? Is it race? is the ristha black or something cause I know pakistani parents have issues with black people. Is it his job? Is it his family? Is it his religiousness? Is it his looks? Is it so he doesnt want to look bad to the ristha that he found? Something is up and you need to get to the bottom of that.
I had something similar happen to someone close to me. I think you should go to a molana at your mosque and ask this question, I'm sure the molana's at your mosque have emails you can send them. Random people online can give you advice but its best to get religious info from more learned people. Mind you some molanas are more conservative but some are moderate so be sure you have someone in mind.
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Not a wise suggestion IMO as this is actually not a religious question. And molanas tend to have more chances of screwing people's lives than online people, no matter how moderate they are.
But yes a person with sound religion knowledge as well as about life in particularly social aspects can surely help.
OP, you do realise your father is also answerable to Allah?
Him being your dad doesn't mean he has a free pass to go round blackmailing + emotionally abusing people and he defintely does NOT have the right to tell you who to marry or simply reject someone on the grounds of race or caste..