Re: Is it right?
I like @Siren’s response. If you haven’t developed feelings for the guy, back out and inshallah a better will come by. It is a tough situation and if I were you, I would back out to keep the family together.
Re: Is it right?
It doesn't seem worth it if it's just a good rishta and you don't have any feelings for him yet. I know good rishtas are hard to come by so at the end of the day you have to do what feels right to you.
Re: Is it right?
I had something similar happen to someone close to me. I think you should go to a molana at your mosque and ask this question, I'm sure the molana's at your mosque have emails you can send them. Random people online can give you advice but its best to get religious info from more learned people. Mind you some molanas are more conservative but some are moderate so be sure you have someone in mind.
So to the similar story, My friends dad was totally against her marrying a recent convert to Islam. In this case both parents were against it but she really liked him. The dad found another ristha for my friend from the mosque who he liked alot better than the converted rishta. Anyways after much in fighting the parents got there wish and she started talking to the guy her dad found. She did ishtikara and everything, and almost got engaged but later she found out that guy from the mosque was married in another state and was lying about his age and some other stuff. Turns out the first guy who was a convert was a much better person and human being than the guy from the mosque.
I would like to ask what specific reason is your father against this ristha? Is it race? is the ristha black or something cause I know pakistani parents have issues with black people. Is it his job? Is it his family? Is it his religiousness? Is it his looks? Is it so he doesnt want to look bad to the ristha that he found? Something is up and you need to get to the bottom of that.
This is not like that. This is a muslim family. He is kind of a family friend, we don't really meet much (maybe once in a few years, pretty distant), but the family is very well respected in the community. We know of people that know them and praise the guy a lot.
The problem here, really , is one thing..that they are from India. The guy is very well educated , good-looking, his somewhat religious (maybe my father and us are more inclined towards religion but I don't see the problem, he is a practicing muslim), everyone talks about what a great person he is and overall from a good family. Obviously no one is perfect. Another plus point is that he is born and raised here. Letting go of this would most likely mean having to chose a husband from overseas. I don't really have a problem with that but I'd prefer someone from here. We could still look here but who knows what the chances of actually finding someone are.We don't know that many people.
My father has said to do ishtikhara , not really getting anything. But I don't think he will ever wholeheartedly accept this. For this reason I also think its selfish to go ahead with this, I dont think we'll pursue this but I am still confused.
Re: Is it right?
This is not like that. This is a muslim family. He is kind of a family friend, we don't really meet much (maybe once in a few years, pretty distant), but the family is very well respected in the community. We know of people that know them and praise the guy a lot.
The problem here, really , is one thing..that they are from India. The guy is very well educated , good-looking, his somewhat religious (maybe my father and us are more inclined towards religion but I don't see the problem, he is a practicing muslim), everyone talks about what a great person he is and overall from a good family. Obviously no one is perfect. Another plus point is that he is born and raised here. Letting go of this would most likely mean having to chose a husband from overseas. I don't really have a problem with that but I'd prefer someone from here. We could still look here but who knows what the chances of actually finding someone are.We don't know that many people.
My father has said to do ishtikhara , not really getting anything. But I don't think he will ever wholeheartedly accept this. For this reason I also think its selfish to go ahead with this, I dont think we'll pursue this but I am still confused.
How are Indian Muslims different than Pakistani Muslims? Don't they look the same, eat the same food and speak the same language. How much education does your father have and where is he from. Would your rishta be willing to elope?
Don't let anyones bigotery decide your future. People need to stand up to him. If everyone submitted to bullies, life would be hell.
Re: Is it right?
^^apparently they are very different. the same way Arab muslims are different from Pakistani muslims, or African muslims
Re: Is it right?
^^apparently they are very different. the same way Arab muslims are different from Pakistani muslims, or African muslims
Arabs don't speak the same language, eat same food or have same culture and tradition. Wasn't Pakistan part of India, not that long ago. It would be like saying a Saudi cant marry a Yemeni .
Unbelievable to have such bigotry. My wife's cousin married a Hindu girl from Guyana and she looks the same as other desis and cooks some delish roti and saalan and her dad played tabla and sang ghazals at our party.
Re: Is it right?
^^ alot of people will hold the country of origin against the person. My friend who is Pakistani got a nice rishta from an Indian Muslim, and turned it down only cuz he was Indian, saying they are too different. I really don't understand how.. All she could say was that they still have alot of Hindu influence on them cuz they are at the end of the day, Indian.
Re: Is it right?
^^ alot of people will hold the country of origin against the person. My friend who is Pakistani got a nice rishta from an Indian Muslim, and turned it down only cuz he was Indian, saying they are too different. I really don't understand how.. All she could say was that they still have alot of Hindu influence on them cuz they are at the end of the day, Indian.
Don't most Pakistanis look for jahaiz same as Indians, have same traditions with Mehndi and yellow colors during weddings, most songs dresses etc the same and are drowning in the Bollywood culture and fashion. It is just closed-mindedness and bigotry. And by the way there shouldnt be a problem marrying in Arab or African. One of our friend is married to a Saudi and are very happy.
Re: Is it right?
^^ yup - in those kinds of cases, religion is secondary, race/ethnicity is first
Re: Is it right?
My father has said to do ishtikhara , not really getting anything. But I don't think he will ever wholeheartedly accept this. For this reason I also think its selfish to go ahead with this, I dont think we'll pursue this but I am still confused.
There is no reason for you to be confused. If this was a love marriage where you already knew the guy personally and had actually fallen in love with him and knew in your mind/heart that he is "the one" for you, then I would say fight for him. But this sounds like a semi-arranged rishta where you don't have an emotional connection to him. In these types of situation, you simply need to ask yourself whether the drama that will be caused in your family is worth marrying the guy. It doesn't matter if your dad is right or wrong. He feels what he feels and nothing you can say or do will make him act differently. You, as an adult, simply need to decide whether marrying that particular guy is worth causing years of arguments/tanay/tension within your family.
In this specific situation, it sounds like that the decision has already been made to NOT pursue this. Once a decision has been made, move on.
Re: Is it right?
This is not like that. This is a muslim family. He is kind of a family friend, we don't really meet much (maybe once in a few years, pretty distant), but the family is very well respected in the community. We know of people that know them and praise the guy a lot.
The problem here, really , is one thing..that they are from India. The guy is very well educated , good-looking, his somewhat religious (maybe my father and us are more inclined towards religion but I don't see the problem, he is a practicing muslim), everyone talks about what a great person he is and overall from a good family. Obviously no one is perfect. Another plus point is that he is born and raised here. Letting go of this would most likely mean having to chose a husband from overseas. I don't really have a problem with that but I'd prefer someone from here. We could still look here but who knows what the chances of actually finding someone are.We don't know that many people.
My father has said to do ishtikhara , not really getting anything. But I don't think he will ever wholeheartedly accept this. For this reason I also think its selfish to go ahead with this, I dont think we'll pursue this but I am still confused.
Judging by what you wrote if your fathers the type of person to have an issue with the fact they are from India it is going to be really tough on you to try compromising with him. And also judging by the fact that he's really religious right wing pakistani, those are the type of fathers that hate compromising. Close minded as hell I tell ya.
But any ways, if you do find a guy back home in paki land, what makes him think that he wont just marry you for the green card citizenship? That scenario has happened several times. Plus guys that come from over there will have to re-study to try to find a job over here unless its one of the few schools recognized by canada/u.s education system. And the older you get the harder it is to find someone.
But, to my story I told you earlier about the guy from the mosque who lied. Everyone told us he was great and a good person, but very few people knew that he was married in another state and other information. I would do my due diligence and try to get a professional background check on him as well.
Ishtikara is one thing but religious people misuse it, The word Istikhara directly means, to ask Allah to guide one to the right sort of action concerning a job or deed
Its so that going forward, Allah helps you, it won't help you predict anything with dreams and such. It's about gut feeling if anything.
Also, I feel like after having an argument, when my parents say "do Ishtikara" they mean, use ishtikara to tell us, so we can reinforce the fact of what we are saying is correct.
Re: Is it right?
My husband is Indian, South Indian specifically.... Pakistani and Indians are essentially the same. He speaks the same Urdu, the traditions are all the same. The only difference is that their food is SO much better! LOL
I feel for you OP. Your father is being unreasonable but I imagine he was brought up during partition which would dredge up all kinds of unpleasant memories. I feel like that's where most of the discourse comes from with our parents generation.
Re: Is it right?
