** Hi pplz.** I dont know how to start so i just drop it like that. You guyz know i talk a lot about my friend Sobia who live’s
**in the Uk, Well she has a problem right now and i just can’t help her ** She is married but her husband is still in Pakistan, and her husband dont want that she (Sobia) goes to school or have a job he wants that she stay at home and babysit their 1 yr old son. But she resist and say to her husband if he behave like this he can forget that he can come to Uk, What did her husband do he call her sis in law and her mom. Yesterday i got a e-mail of her she was pretty upset. She told me becoz of her husband she can’t come to Holland anymore (before marriage she lived in Holland) She did not eat and she feel very sad. When i read her mail i feel so sad becoz i can’t help her I’ve mailed her back and say to her dont worry and that she have to eat something and that im with her. But is it really like this what the husband say the women have to listen?? Whats wrong with going to school or have a job?
Re: Is it really so.. that what a husband say a women has to listen to him?
Hi Nilu,
Its sad to say this but these are very important issues that should have been ironed out before she married. Marriage is full of compromises and should be a partnership of 2 people, where they work out differences together ... rather than being both at different ends of the spectrum and refusing to budge. The question of whether to work or not when children are so young is a really huge issue that people have very strong feelings about. Thats why it should have been at least discussed before marriage.
I quite see the husband's point ... a child of age 1 needs his mommy. There is just nothing at all wrong with wanting that for his baby.
I also see her point of view. Days are endlessly monotonous...no intellectual challenge, its physically and emotionally draining at times and there is no time to just be with grown-ups. etc etc.
The wife really needs to try to make some sort of compromise here. Maybe take one class, while a family member or trusted friend takes care of her little one. I really dont think that she could take on a job and school and household tasks all at the same time. Thats really asking too much. and the husband may be worried about this ...sounds like she wants to go out from dawn till dusk, persuing a college education and working ... thats more than a full time prospect ... and she does have a baby. Tell her to take things more slowly ...one small step at a time.
Re: Is it really so.. that what a husband say a women has to listen to him?
...sorry, i think i didnt answer the question fully so here's my 2 cents. Does the wife HAVE TO listen to her husband? No. But she should WANT to. And that works both ways - the husband should WANT to listen to what his wife has to say. Like I said, marriage is a partnership - a lifelong partnership. There needs to be mutual respect for each other's dreams, desires and needs.
Re: Is it really so.. that what a husband say a women has to listen to him?
Hi Momof3. She dont live's at her own in Uk but with her sis in law. And before marriage she could not discuss this with her husband coz her dad married her off and she was'nt aware of it that her dad planned this. But i think yea she has to talk to her husband about this. I also think she did not handle te right way to say if he act like this he can forget that he can come to Uk. Now her hubby calls her mom and she is not allowed to come to Holland. But thnx for ur advice Momof3 :)
Re: Is it really so.. that what a husband say a women has to listen to him?
^ idiot desis How can the guy just marry her off like that w/o her even knowing? and what exactly is stopping her from going to holland? do they have her passport hidden/thrown away? if its just “mehne manna kiya , nahi jhana!” then she shud fluck em and just go. apparently parents who marry u off w/o even knowing about it then obviously they dont have ur best interests at heart..that’s how i see it. …i hope she works things out with her husband becoz i also understand his point that a one year old child needs his mother and stuff
Re: Is it really so.. that what a husband say a women has to listen to him?
...seems to me that the wife escalated the whole thing into full-scale war. "OK, I am forbidden to work and go to school? Well then YOU can just never come to UK". He retaliated with "OK fine. Then YOU never go to Holland." This is definitely not the way to work things out to the satisfaction of both partners! This poor girl was married off it sounds like but she now has a baby with this guy. She needs to make a better effort here. I really think that if the guy sees an effort on her part - to be more reasonable and less explosive and threatening, he'd make more of an effort too.
Re: Is it really so.. that what a husband say a women has to listen to him?
** Hi SAra ** I dont know if she has her passpoort or what but if she come's to Holland her dad pay everything for the travel. So if her dad not pay how can she come to Holland and she dont have money coz she doesnt work. The reason why the hubby dont want that she go to work or go to school he said to her you only go to school/work to see boyz that was really low mind thinkin'
** of him. But i really hope she come to Holland coz i know if her husband come to Uk i dont see her atleast 1 yr maybe.**
Re: Is it really so.. that what a husband say a women has to listen to him?
One more reason not to get tied up in arrange marriages and that too over seas. People that grow up outside Pakistan are affected by cultural differences, no matter how much we deny. But still we dont learn, and make our daughters, and sisters get married with men back home. There are differences good or bad.
I know my post doesnt help in any way shape of form. Just use it as a template to avoid these type of setups. Ignorance at best. Come on cultural police come hit me I am right here. Let the games begin,
Re: Is it really so.. that what a husband say a women has to listen to him?
You are quite right Verison....but when people are mature and care ... esp about their spouse, their life-partner, cultural differences and any other differences can be worked on to the satisfaction of both partners...
Re: Is it really so.. that what a husband say a women has to listen to him?
Well then her husband is being a dick. it’s different if he wants her to stay home coz they have a son together and she should take care of the kid, but to ** forbid ** her to even get an education, a basic right coz she looks at boys or some crap then that’s just very paindu and low thinking. What’s stopping her from going out and getting a job? IS she locked in her room? And why isn’t the father taking care of the son too? what is the father doing?
Cingular ur rite, but that’s not the case with everyone. Usually the girls who were raised as if they’ve never left their pind in pakistan end up happy with a hubby from pak. I also know girls born/raised here who choose a hubby from pak. I might go back to get married, or i mite find a decent guy here, who knows…and honestly i see more guys raised here who marry girls from back home, not vice versa, simply coz the latter won’t work as much as the former…
Re: Is it really so.. that what a husband say a women has to listen to him?
^^ Listen darling call me verizon, call me gte sprint, call me ATT, call me MCI but pulleeeeessse dont call me cingular, that red gayish idotic symbol comes to mind and pisses me off.
Re: Is it really so.. that what a husband say a women has to listen to him?
OK.
The only reason I am writing this is to say, be a friend to her and listen, but do not encourage her to do anything. Unfortunately someone else's marriage is a touchy subject and later on down the line, anything you say will be held against you.
Let her vent. If you care about her, be careful. Unfortunately (in some cases), a marriage is a serious committment and she has to come to her own conclusion about what she is to do.
We all have our opinions about what a husband can and cannot do, but that is her marriage and she has to work something out for herself.
Re: Is it really so.. that what a husband say a women has to listen to him?
Or join my harem. Simple, I am accepting applications. Its prescribed to me by Allah (swt) to have 4 wives, I am not letting my Allah (swt) down. It is prescribed and I am gettin married 3 more times. MO3 start making room for three more sisters.
Call the construction comapny and get an estimate on extension.
Re: Is it really so.. that what a husband say a women has to listen to him?
ok verizon saab....we're all set. Wifey number 2 is named Hildegaard. She weighs 250plus and has a wart with a long hair on her nose...but she's a wonderful cook, will skin you alive if you dont wipe yer feet when you walk in the door and will take SUCH good care of the boys while THIS wifey goes to the byoo-tee parlor!
**
How can the guy just marry her off like that w/o her even knowing? and what exactly is stopping her from going to holland? do they have her passport hidden/thrown away? if its just “mehne manna kiya , nahi jhana!” then she shud fluck em and just go. apparently parents who marry u off w/o even knowing about it then obviously they dont have ur best interests at heart..that’s how i see it. …i hope she works things out with her husband becoz i also understand his point that a one year old child needs his mother and stuff
