Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
How about arranging family get together(s)/picnics, etc with his married friends. Maybe once you guys start socializing with married families, him will start spending less time with his single friends. Maybe it will even help him bond with you and the kids.
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
OP, have u tried talking over all ur problems with ur husband or even going to marriage counselling? An affair might seem like the 'easy' solution now but if/when it all comes out it will create a hell of a mess and prob break his and ur kids' hearts..
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
You guys can say what you want but is it right to be deprived of attention all the time?
Divorce is not an option for me...I have young children. I do care about their upbringing - much more than myself. However, what is to become of a woman who has no one to talk to? No one for support, communication, to ask her how she is doing after a long day with the kids, etc?
Is it fair? I know its haram...I know its wrong...but Im not allowed to have four husbands so what else can I do?
You all are so quick to tell me what I am thinking is wrong but is it so wrong to want someone to just talk to?
He doesnt talk to me...he goes to work and then hangs out with his friends all evening. Or whatever he does...the point is Im not there in his mind as even a consideration when he is planning the rest of his day or weekend.
Tell him that if he can't be a companion, you will find it somewhere else. He either wont be ok with it, or opt for divorce. In which case, it is very clear how important your marriage is to him. Get a HUGE alimony and live without this agony.
P.S. There is much better advice in this thread. My point is, let him KNOW that you will do it before doing it. It is not cheating anymore, because then the choices for both of you are very clear.
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
excuse me if i sound not considerate enough..but you must see both sides of the picture..
so you are the only one being wronged here? its all his fault? and you think he is happy being married to you?
obviously not......may be he is also not happy due to some 'reason' and not just because he is a crazy person........afterall he is sticking to the marriage when its easier for guys to get divorced compared to women......
so if he is sticking to marriage then that means he wants to keep it.......and you must try to find why he is behaving the way he is........
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
What if you have children and you dont want to disrupt their life for your own selfish needs?
Your husband is just not doing his part...so what can you do? Why not have an affair?
*I know its haram but so is half the stuff we do on here like backbiting and gossip...so for the sake of discussion please answer my questions from a non-religious perspective.
My dear Laddu . You decide to take a divorce or your decide to stay with him or you have an affair ....whatever you do I won't judge you ! But I will just give you one advise .....STOP depending on others for your happiness. You expect happiness from you husband and you are not getting it so you are looking elsewhere for happiness. Why you need a man to make you happy ? You said you have children can't you find happiness in them or take up a hobby or take up a job .
I am a single parent. I was not happy in my marriage from the very 1st day but I never ever thought about another man even now I don't think about it rather I don't want to have a man in my life. BUT I am happy alhamdolillah with whatever Allah has given me. If I can be happy with my imperfect life why can't you ? Why can't you dedicate your life to your children or to your work or to some other cause and drive peace and happiness from it ?
The day you stop depending upon others for happiness all your problems will start resolving. I know it's easier said than done and it's very difficult and against the human nature but you can atleast try.
Ignore your husband . Let him do whatever he wants to do. You can't force anyone to love you. He will be answerable for his deeds. Leave everything on Allah and make dua. The best feeling in this world is to love your children unconditionally and make all efforts to make their lives better. If you have parents try to live for them too do their khidmat , love them , care for them ....that will also bring happiness and peace to you.
Don't do anything that you regret later in your life esp at the time you will take your last breath because then it would to be too late to do tauba and to undo all the wrong things you did. Think about it !
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
YourLaddu, I really feel for you dear and my best wishes are with you. Hope you find eternal happiness real soon. It probably takes a hell lot of suffering and pain to say that you want to cheat on the man you obviously love.
I just posted an advice on another thread which I feel posting here as well, see if its something that may work for you:
*It may sound like a crazy idea, but I think you guys need to have a fight. You need to vent all your emotions, let him HEAR your frustration, let him see that there's a massive storm behind your silence which has pained you for so long. Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking you to call your husband names or fight to break the relationship, but I think you need to make him hear about suffering loud and clear. Let him see you break down, lets see if he feels sorry for you. Lets see if your moment of madness moves him. And I'm really not joking. *
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
You all are so quick to tell me what I am thinking is wrong but is it so wrong to want someone to just talk to?
Two wrongs dont make a right.
Its pity that you are not using the option that Islam has provided you (divorce) instead thinking about the ways which are not considered right both by Islamic point of view and by any sane society.
Secondly, if your husband is not interested in you at all (from emotional relationship to physical relationship), what will be "limit" of your affair? Will you only flirt around? or you are looking to sleep around? I hope you know the consequences.
Best options IMHO are
1) Try to figure out what has happed that your hubby has lost interest in you.
2) Talk to your hubby more often on this issue.
3) Look for friends and not affair.
4) Get busy yourself so much so that you dont have time for him or to think about him
5) If nothing above helps, get divorce and settle again.
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
Okay, the issue with tagging along is when I suggest it...he acts like Im accusing him of cheating on me. Vahan kisi aur ki biviyan to nahin ati hain - is what he says. He is not open to spending time with me alone...its so weird.
OK tell me more , how old is he , how old are you , how many kids do you have , how old are the kids , how many boys and girls , what does he do for living ,do you work , what kind of activities you do to keep yourself busy and from going insane ? How many times a weeks this happens that he goes out with his buddies and for how long he is out of the house when he goes out.
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
so you marry someone....which is life commitment...and u want to know if to deviate from this commitment is 'okay'?
its sooooooo NOT ok....if you dont want to be with that person then get a divorce....if you want to be with someone else get a divorce.....how anyone can have an affair is beyond me...its all about morals i guess...
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
What if you have children and you dont want to disrupt their life for your own selfish needs?
Your husband is just not doing his part...so what can you do? Why not have an affair?
*I know its haram but so is half the stuff we do on here like backbiting and gossip...so for the sake of discussion please answer my questions from a non-religious perspective.
Nope. If you are not happily married, you get a divorce and set a good example by finding a suitable spouse and staying in a committed and happy relationship. Be up front. It si never right to have secret relationships like this.