Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
YourLaddu, hope you find happiness in whatever decision you make but i think if talking to your husband and getting marriage counseling doesn’t bring anything positive for you, then just remember a woman will get respect when she demands respect from others and so as a divorced woman hold your head up high and don’t ever feel like you’ll be alone, you’ll always have your children with you who love you lots 
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
perfectly fine.
because i said so.
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
What if you have children and you dont want to disrupt their life for your own selfish needs?
Your husband is just not doing his part...so what can you do? Why not have an affair?
*I know its haram but so is half the stuff we do on here like backbiting and gossip...so for the sake of discussion please answer my questions from a non-religious perspective.
Haan to?
He doesnt think he has to do anything but provide. He is a good provider...he makes a lot of money but thats about all he has to offer me.
Not true...murder is killing someone. This is about me getting some semblance of happiness because he doesnt care about me.
is it that easy to get remarried for a divorced woman with children though? being alone is something that is a major worry after such a big step
I'm going to be a bit blunt here so please forgive me in advance.
You cheating on your husband (whether you call it cheating or not, because thats what it is) would be disrupting your children's life. Why? just like another poster said here that if you'r children were to find our you were cheating on your husband, what would they think of you? How would you expect them to listen to you and believe what you say when you yourself are doing something totally wrong? It's common sense really.
Have you thought of what could if your husband found out? Don't you think it's not worth the trouble?
Just get a divorce. Your fear of being alone after divorce is plain stupid because if you decide to cheat on your husband and someone finds out, the result of your action is going to be farrrrrrrrrrrrr worse than anything. Loneliness isn't going to the only thing you'll have to deal with then.
Your children will lose your trust. Your family will lose your trust.
You have a legitimate reason to ask for a divorce if what you say is true. It is better that you get out of this marriage than hurt yourself and your children by making a stupid decision.
and just a side note to what you said about not having a non-religious perspective on this, well, even in today's society this wouldn't be looked good upon. I don't think you realize how different gossiping and backbiting is compared to cheating. There's a huuuuge difference in the punishment and severity of sins. However since you don't seem to care, I won't go further.
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
It's very tempting and it's very gutsy. But,
To rear your kids to be better than their father (as you have said is your desire), you have to be an amazing/better role model. If you indulge in cheating, you don't have much to offer to your children in terms of values and principles and goodness. Be the kind of person your children would look up to.
Talk to him. Tell him you are at the end point and see how he reacts.
How long have you been married and do you know why he has no interest in you? Has it always been like this?
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
And having an affair is not a selfish need? 
I feel for you, I really do…divorce isn’t an easy solution either, but neither is having an affair right.
Have you tried counseling or made any effort to have a better relationship with your husband?
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
this a pathetic thread.
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
this a pathetic thread.
that's because you're not in the TS's shoes and you aren't going through what she's going through
when life is all hunky dory, it's easier to overlook the fact that others might not be having the good life that we might be having.
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
You guys can say what you want but is it right to be deprived of attention all the time?
Divorce is not an option for me...I have young children. I do care about their upbringing - much more than myself. However, what is to become of a woman who has no one to talk to? No one for support, communication, to ask her how she is doing after a long day with the kids, etc?
Is it fair? I know its haram...I know its wrong...but Im not allowed to have four husbands so what else can I do?
You all are so quick to tell me what I am thinking is wrong but is it so wrong to want someone to just talk to?
He doesnt talk to me...he goes to work and then hangs out with his friends all evening. Or whatever he does...the point is Im not there in his mind as even a consideration when he is planning the rest of his day or weekend.
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
You guys can say what you want but is it right to be deprived of attention all the time?
Divorce is not an option for me...I have young children. I do care about their upbringing - much more than myself. However, what is to become of a woman who has no one to talk to? No one for support, communication, to ask her how she is doing after a long day with the kids, etc?
Is it fair? I know its haram...I know its wrong...but Im not allowed to have four husbands so what else can I do?
You all are so quick to tell me what I am thinking is wrong but is it so wrong to want someone to just talk to?
He doesnt talk to me...he goes to work and then hangs out with his friends all evening. Or whatever he does...the point is Im not there in his mind as even a consideration when he is planning the rest of his day or weekend.
You can easily take care of this issue. When he gets ready to go out to hang out with his buddies , you tag along with him and take the kids with you too. Is it not an option too ? If the answer is yes then the plan B is to you get out of house with kids to go and hang around to a mall or with your buddies before he does, if you do not have any friends and buddies make some . You can get some good ideas on how to make some good friends in some GS threads on this topic. I am sure after a few times he would get the hint heck he might get the hint the first time you do any of the above.
An your original question was , is it OK to have an affair and you wanted to keep the religion aside. I gave you the honest answer that it is not OK under any circumstances and gave to 101 reasons already.
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
I really do feel for you. It's an unfortunate and unfair situation, but still you should understand that two wrongs don't make a right..
Do you already have someone in mind who you think can give fulfil the emotional void?
Have you talked about your feelings with your husband?
Does your husband have unmarried friends?
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
I think it's okay to have an affair in such a situation.
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
But have you even tried to change things for the better?
If you just wnat someone to talk to, you can find plenty of friends, counselors etc. but if what you want is for someone to desire you romantically....and yes every woman should have a right to that..but your first priority should be to strengthen the relationship between you and your spouse
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
scarface and i agree. it must be okay.
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
You guys can say what you want but is it right to be deprived of attention all the time?
Divorce is not an option for me...I have young children. I do care about their upbringing - much more than myself. However, what is to become of a woman who has no one to talk to? No one for support, communication, to ask her how she is doing after a long day with the kids, etc?
Is it fair? I know its haram...I know its wrong...but Im not allowed to have four husbands so what else can I do?
You all are so quick to tell me what I am thinking is wrong but is it so wrong to want someone to just talk to?
He doesnt talk to me...he goes to work and then hangs out with his friends all evening. Or whatever he does...the point is Im not there in his mind as even a consideration when he is planning the rest of his day or weekend.
only thing i can say, karma's a b****.
It's not wrong for you to want to talk to someone but the way you are going about it or thinking about it is wrong.
If he doesn't talk to you, think about you then force him to. Do something that will catch his attention. This is the man you married. He is the father of your children. Doesn't he deserve a bit more respect than to be cheated on?
And if you really cared about your children, you would understand that talking to some other man is NOT an option.
Coming back to karma, if you chose to emotionally attach yourself to someone else, it's not going to have a good outcome.
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
Do you love him?
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
You guys can say what you want but is it right to be deprived of attention all the time?
Divorce is not an option for me...I have young children. I do care about their upbringing - much more than myself. However, what is to become of a woman who has no one to talk to? No one for support, communication, to ask her how she is doing after a long day with the kids, etc?
Is it fair? I know its haram...I know its wrong...but Im not allowed to have four husbands so what else can I do?
You all are so quick to tell me what I am thinking is wrong but is it so wrong to want someone to just talk to?
He doesnt talk to me...he goes to work and then hangs out with his friends all evening. Or whatever he does...the point is Im not there in his mind as even a consideration when he is planning the rest of his day or weekend.
Do what makes you happy. everyone has a right to be happy.
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
if you're so set on having an affair and there's no way to convince you otherwise, i guess you aren't willing to try marriage counseling or giving your marriage and husband another chance, then i just hope your husband doesn't have a violent temper. If he finds out about this affair how will he react, hopefully not by physically hurting you
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
You can easily take care of this issue. When he gets ready to go out to hang out with his buddies , you tag along with him and take the kids with you too. Is it not an option too ? If the answer is yes then the plan B is to you get out of house with kids to go and hang around to a mall or with your buddies before he does, if you do not have any friends and buddies make some . You can get some good ideas on how to make some good friends in some GS threads on this topic. I am sure after a few times he would get the hint heck he might get the hint the first time you do any of the above.
An your original question was , is it OK to have an affair and you wanted to keep the religion aside. I gave you the honest answer that it is not OK under any circumstances and gave to 101 reasons already.
Okay, the issue with tagging along is when I suggest it...he acts like Im accusing him of cheating on me. Vahan kisi aur ki biviyan to nahin ati hain - is what he says. He is not open to spending time with me alone...its so weird.
I really do feel for you. It's an unfortunate and unfair situation, but still you should understand that two wrongs don't make a right..
Do you already have someone in mind who you think can give fulfil the emotional void?
Have you talked about your feelings with your husband?
Does your husband have unmarried friends?
No, I have no one in mind at all.
Yes, many times but it falls on deaf ears. He doesnt see a problem and I see so many. He thinks Im sensitive and over react...I dont see that at all because I barely have any time with him in the first place.
He has a split of friends...half are unmarried and half are married. The unmarried friends get him to smoke a lot. I hate it when he smokes. The married friends usually end up leaving early from their get togethers...in fact a lot dont even show up as regularly as he does.
I think it's okay to have an affair in such a situation.
Thanks Scarface
But have you even tried to change things for the better?
If you just wnat someone to talk to, you can find plenty of friends, counselors etc. but if what you want is for someone to desire you romantically....and yes every woman should have a right to that..but your first priority should be to strengthen the relationship between you and your spouse
What can I do more? Talk to him? Dress up? Im a very put together sort of girl...I dont dress like a slob, get my hair done every 6 weeks, nails are always in good shape, etc.
Yeah, I want him to desire me.
scarface and i agree. it must be okay.
Thank you philosophy
only thing i can say, karma's a b****.
It's not wrong for you to want to talk to someone but the way you are going about it or thinking about it is wrong.
If he doesn't talk to you, think about you then force him to. Do something that will catch his attention. This is the man you married. He is the father of your children. Doesn't he deserve a bit more respect than to be cheated on?
And if you really cared about your children, you would understand that talking to some other man is NOT an option.
Coming back to karma, if you chose to emotionally attach yourself to someone else, it's not going to have a good outcome.
Do you love him?
Unfortunately, I do.
I do respect him - a lot. I care for him, do everything he asks of me and my only request is to just give me some company every so often. He doesnt even watch the kids.
Do what makes you happy. everyone has a right to be happy.
Thank you MissTY
if you're so set on having an affair and there's no way to convince you otherwise, i guess you aren't willing to try marriage counseling or giving your marriage and husband another chance, then i just hope your husband doesn't have a violent temper. If he finds out about this affair how will he react, hopefully not by physically hurting you
You know what Nisha...Im not even all that set on having an affair anymore. Im just disappointed with how things are turning out. Two people that live together but dont talk much. Who lives like that?
I dont think I will have an affair because that would require hurting my children and I cannot do that. Why make it worse?
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
Re: Is it okay to have an affair if your spouse doesnt make you happy?
if you still love him and he respects you, like he doesn't abuse you in any way, then take some of the other suggestions and get yourself busy too, have fun on your own, improve yourself and then he'll start missing you and start wondering where his wife is. I think you should just wait for him to realize how beautiful and wonderful you are. He'll get bored of spending every evening with his friends b/c he's not a child, he'll start missing you too, he obviously loved you too at one point.
he might just be going through a phase in his life.