Well, few of my Pakistani colleagues joke with me in a light mood, (without any offense or seriousness)
Like if one of my colleague comes to ask me anything related to our profession (whom I consider as sister in Islam) one of them might do " Ahem ahem..!!"
Later when any girl comes to office another might say " A gayi tumhari dost, humain lift hi koi nahin…"
I used to smile back at times and at times tell them in a joke that there is nothing as such.
But with time I have realized that I don’t feel comfortable with such comments as sometimes their comments might go beyond limits
Like once she came to my office and asked me anything on the computer, one of my colleague said to me later with acting " Meri in gunahgaar ankhon ne kuch nahin dekha…!!"
Or later singing some indian song the wording of which are very meaningful as if he is trying to indicate that he is observing romance between two people.
Do you think such jokes and humor when exceed limits can invite devil easily to mind. (Though still I haven’t yet felt like that till now)
^ He is actually a very nice person and very senior to me, and I know he only jokes, that is why I don't want to hurt him. But with time he has realized (after I don't respond much to his comments) Insha'Allah he would be careful in future
You should tell them in all seriousness that these type of remarks are cheap and not suitable for them to make specially for female colleagues.
But how you should tell them depends on you and your relationship level of frankness with your colleagues.
Some colleagues get jealous too. and they are very dangerous people. They appear sweet and friendly on the front but can stab you in the back whenever they get a chance. So be very careful
well brother STP, ur initial step was actually a wrong one. bayshak as a muslim u must be soft spoken but smiling at na-mehram guy/gal will be a PERMANENT MOSEBAT.
Well, few of my Pakistani colleagues joke with me in a light mood, (without any offense or seriousness)
Like if one of my colleague comes to ask me anything related to our profession (whom I consider as sister in Islam) one of them might do " Ahem ahem..!!"
Later when any girl comes to office another might say " A gayi tumhari dost, humain lift hi koi nahin..."
I used to smile back at times and at times tell them in a joke that there is nothing as such.
But with time I have realized that I don't feel comfortable with such comments as sometimes their comments might go beyond limits
Like once she came to my office and asked me anything on the computer, one of my colleague said to me later with acting " Meri in gunahgaar ankhon ne kuch nahin dekha....!!"
Or later singing some indian song the wording of which are very meaningful as if he is trying to indicate that he is observing romance between two people.
Do you think such jokes and humor when exceed limits can invite devil easily to mind. (Though still I haven't yet felt like that till now)
Is that lady (one who comes to your office) aware of that
Yes, at times we might not know of what they are actually thinking because they mostly say it indirectly.
I agree, I have started avoiding his such comments, because he has been guiding me and our thesis topics are very much interdependent as our advisor is the same. I know by nature he is a very nice guy, (from 1 year of experience with him) but such comments are not appropraite specially when the girl is totally not aware of it.
I try to avoid looking in her eyes and remain serious and to the point, but I can’t be rude to her because she is totally unaware of my beliefs and it would be very difficult to elaborate my intentions to her, because Turks are more than frank with opposite gender. She has limited her visits to my room because I think she has understood that I am newly married and I am not extending (actually cuting short) any discussion which she tries to start about profession or daily life.
She is totally unaware of that. She is very innocent and polite but like a typical Turkish modern girl she doesn’t dress well and at times doesnt care much about physical limitations. But with time she has understood it from my body language and is more carefull.
A few times I was working in the office till midnight and she suddenly appeared in my office and started talking frankly. I was very uncomfortable as we were the only two in the whole building which doesn’t seem appropriate so I wanted to leave as soon as possible but she was very normal and kept talking till her father came to take her. Her father was also very normal to see her in a bearded boy’s office and that too at midnight. Once I was going alone through the jungle at night and she came and said she also was going that way. From that day I don’t remain alone in the office at night.
p.s. There is no sign of bad intentions in her behavior, as I said she behaves like a typical Turkish girl, but the more I avoid the more she comes across. My be because she is the only girl in that portion of the department so she might need professional help because she mostly talk about field related topics.
Brother, maybe its your nice, careful and respected behaviour towards her that she feel safe to talk to you and what not.
Joke aside, if i was a girl, and I need to get help from my office mate, I would go to a nice, religious looking, respected guy than the Ahem.. Ahem collegues of yours. She may not be aware of their remarks but she might not be comfortable with their body language
per jaise k aapne kaha k he is a very nice guy n u know k woh sirf joking shoking kar raha hai ,to phir to simple hai na...avoid karo bcoz u know k woh sirf mazak kar raha hai.
Ya agar tumhe bohot problem hai to saaf saaf boldo k please aap mind na karo per mujhe yeh sab acha nahi lagta ...woh samjh jaye ga.
Well, few of my Pakistani colleagues joke with me in a light mood, (without any offense or seriousness)
Like if one of my colleague comes to ask me anything related to our profession (whom I consider as sister in Islam) one of them might do " Ahem ahem..!!"
Later when any girl comes to office another might say " A gayi tumhari dost, humain lift hi koi nahin..."
I used to smile back at times and at times tell them in a joke that there is nothing as such.
But with time I have realized that I don't feel comfortable with such comments as sometimes their comments might go beyond limits
Like once she came to my office and asked me anything on the computer, one of my colleague said to me later with acting " Meri in gunahgaar ankhon ne kuch nahin dekha....!!"
Or later singing some indian song the wording of which are very meaningful as if he is trying to indicate that he is observing romance between two people.
Do you think such jokes and humor when exceed limits can invite devil easily to mind. (Though still I haven't yet felt like that till now)
brother STP,
cheap mentality is in fact a sad reflection of such males' condemned nature due to their ignorance.
this is all the more reason why good men who can protect their own respect and also respect fellow women, without the interjection of sister pronoun.
Her father was also very normal to see her in a bearded boy's office and that too at midnight.** Once I was going alone through the jungle at night and she came** and said she also was going that way.** From that day I don't remain alone in the office at night.
**
is this thread a joke to whom you are talking about
ie making fun of people coming to this thread
you go through jungle
she came there
and from then you are not alone at night
yaar your story don't have ground yaar
you lost your way
is this thread a joke to whom you are talking about
ie making fun of people coming to this thread
you go through jungle
she came there
and from then you are not alone at night
yaar your story don't have ground yaar
you lost your way
May be I made a mistake in communication.I meant from that night I usually don't go to office alone at night. i.e. either I go with my other colleague (male) by adjusting timings with him or I try to do my work at home.(she never joined me whenever I was with my male colleague), because it is odd to be with a girl alone in the office or on the way as it can easily give rise to rumors. There are alot of Pakistanis here who know me and my family back at home, I don't want to remain in a position where people might get suspecious or false rumors might start.
If it makes you feel uneasy, ask them to stop such comments. However, I had worked with girls alone through many a nights without having any but professional thoughts. Alhamdulilah, I never felt any feelings otherwise.
May be I made a mistake in communication.I meant from that night I usually don't go to office alone at night. i.e. either I go with my other colleague (male) by adjusting timings with him or I try to do my work at home.(she never joined me whenever I was with my male colleague), because it is odd to be with a girl alone in the office or on the way as it can easily give rise to rumors. There are alot of Pakistanis here who know me and my family back at home, I don't want to remain in a position where people might get suspecious or false rumors might start.
Pakistanis aur judgemental na hoon, hahaha.
As long as you know yourself, you shouldn't be bothered about others.
Make sure to bring this issue with that guy. Tell him in a friendly manner that yaar, I am a married man and respect my female colleagues, so please don't make such comments. Tell him it makes yoy uneasy.
btw, I have noticed a common refrain in your threads. Shaitaaan is bound to come (i am not denying his presence though), he is bound to affect/influence one's thought process, he is bound to provoke me when I am alone with a girl, he might lead me astray...
I am not denying his devious ways but what I am trying to say is that there are countless others here/around who work in similar situations and don't ever make a distinction between teh genders, particularly in a professional environment. You should be sure of yourself and if you are strong no Shaitaan, the real one or the one in the form of human will ever be able to lead you astray.
See we are all humans and such feelings are bound to occur once in a while but they will only make you miserable if you are too hung up on 'she is a woman,' ' i am a man.' You treat her like an alien, a different specie you are definitely going to feel suffocated, I tell you brother. STP, you will come across women in every sphere of your life, you cant live with them, you can't live without them.
Thanks alot for the kind advices Minerva sister and WitchDr. I agree that we must not let any situation bother us, but whenever I am in a situation like this, I try to avoid it not because it provokes me or bring bad thoughts to my mind, but because the following hadith comes to my mind which makes me concious. ( I read it a long time ago, don't remember the exact source)
Shaitaan says that it is very difficult for a person to escape (or he can't escape) from me in two situations;
When a person is angry, I am runing in his viens like blood and can easily persuade him to do whatever I want him to do.
When two na-mehrams are all alone in a place. Than I bring their hearts close to each others and persuade them to indulge in immoral acts.
^ This was the main reason of my fear and avoiding such occasions. We all know that human can't completely trust his own will, no matter how strong willed / character he is because Allah says human is weak, impatient and Jahil without Allah's blessings and grace. I agree one should keep oneself strong, BUT one should not put himself to test, instead avoid it.
Even when Hazrat Yousuf (a.s) was told that he was able to save himself from Zulaikha because of his strong character /will, he rejected this view and said " I was saved only with the blessings of Allah"
I agree that, we should always keep our mind and heart clean but also try our level best to avoid situations which the Prophet (Saw) advised us to do, because it might not always be easy for us to protect ourself from fire when we frequently stay close to it.
shez turk…hahahaha forget it then.