Recently I did indirectly indicate this to my colleague and being a nice guy as always (masha'Allah) he understood what I meant and has stop giving such comments.
Also the girl now avoids such situations after she understood it from my body language. As I said earlier, she was innocent with nothing bad in her mind, but didn't care about it due to the common culture here.
JazakAllah khair again for all your kind concerns and good advices.
............. I try to avoid it not because it provokes me or bring bad thoughts to my mind, but because the following hadith comes to my mind which makes me concious.
Good advise all around.I'll just add a plan-B if anyone wants. That is, if bad thoughts are unavoidable and they do come to you, make sure they are clean enjoyable "bad" thoughts and not ugly ones!
Good advise all around.I'll just add a plan-B if anyone wants. That is, if bad thoughts are unavoidable and they do come to you, make sure they are clean enjoyable "bad" thoughts and not ugly ones!
STP, its great that you have been able to put your message across. :--)
Thanks sister, but for the last few days it seems that the message was clearly conveyed to the colleague but not to her.
As I don't want to be rude, I have decided to give a Taliban look, also sending Jehad and Ramazan e-mails on the id that she gave me. That would insha'Allah solve the problem.
Also the latest news is that my Advisor told me that the next series of experiments which is the vital part of my thesis is something that girl has already done in her work, so he called her and told her to teach me those experiments and all the details so that I may not make mistake in them. Though she happily accepted them but I am totally confused on how should I deal with this matter. Unfortunately there in NO ONE else available who might teach me those experiments as the lastest device has only been used by her till now. Performing that experiments means staying in the Lab from morning till evening or night, as they last for too long.
Well, few of my Pakistani colleagues joke with me in a light mood, (without any offense or seriousness)
Like if one of my colleague comes to ask me anything related to our profession (whom I consider as sister in Islam) one of them might do " Ahem ahem..!!"
Later when any girl comes to office another might say " A gayi tumhari dost, humain lift hi koi nahin..."
I used to smile back at times and at times tell them in a joke that there is nothing as such.
But with time I have realized that I don't feel comfortable with such comments as sometimes their comments might go beyond limits
Like once she came to my office and asked me anything on the computer, one of my colleague said to me later with acting " Meri in gunahgaar ankhon ne kuch nahin dekha....!!"
Or later singing some indian song the wording of which are very meaningful as if he is trying to indicate that he is observing romance between two people.
Do you think such jokes and humor when exceed limits can invite devil easily to mind. (Though still I haven't yet felt like that till now)
Brother I think you have been sexually harassed. You should have called 911.
I have only browsed through this thread so I can't possibly provide the fullest of advice. However, you say that she is a colleague and the other males are colleagues also.
The best way I think to reduce the problem is to call her their sister and to her, call them her brothers. Try to introduce her to them in a professional manner and subversively make them feel as though they are family to each other. Just like you treat her. In an environment that you cannot avoid you need to break the current cycle of motions which is she talks to you and they talk about her to you in her absence.
Consciously ensure that she is a sanctuary for protection by her brothers and give her the respect of a sister and get them to do the same. Try not to call her from her first name rather call her sister and encourage others to do the same.
Avoid eye contact if you are ashamed of her, but remember lowering the gaze has interesting implications to the untrained female and it may appear as though you are sending signals. Try to get her to befriend a female mahram of the male colleagues if that is possible.
^JazakAllah khair brother for the kind advice, but I think it would be very difficult as Turks seem to find it very odd to be called sister by anyone except her own biological brother.
About the colleagues, they would find it "Highly" offensive and my past experience says that they would ignore my such comments.
One more thing I noticed recently, the comments have become more indirect than before. Like when he came to my room, he saw anything which he thought might be related to her, he said, " Hmmmm.....Chori pakri gayi"
or something like " Aaaj barey udas ho, lagta hai kisi ki yaad a rahi hai" ( The day when the girl is absent)
You can't even say anything on such comments as the person might later say that he was talking about something else.
^ that would be so annoying! i cant understand how ppl can be so behooda!
if u r really stressed about it, read namaz-e-haajat... Subhanallah this helps me a lot! and i know u know this, but perhaps pray tahajjut namaz and ask Allah SWT to guide your colleagues and to make them stop the nonsense, inshallah.
Jokes aside. You are not supposed to be alone with a na-mehram. No ifs and definitely no butts.
Have a chador or a burqa (preferably a shuttlecock burqa) available in your office. When a na-mehram situation arises, point to the chador or burqa. If they don't wear it, then you should keep your gaze lowered as long as they are in your office and make sure a third person is around.
Bottom line: Office is a place of work. So no aankh mattakka or yaari dosti is allowed.
Your company must have guidelines about sexual harassment and how to interact with your female colleagues. Just follow them and no one will sing Indian songs around you. I guarantee that!
Well, few of my Pakistani colleagues joke with me in a light mood, (without any offense or seriousness)
Like if one of my colleague comes to ask me anything related to our profession (whom I consider as sister in Islam) one of them might do " Ahem ahem..!!"
Later when any girl comes to office another might say " A gayi tumhari dost, humain lift hi koi nahin..."
I used to smile back at times and at times tell them in a joke that there is nothing as such.
But with time I have realized that I don't feel comfortable with such comments as sometimes their comments might go beyond limits
Like once she came to my office and asked me anything on the computer, one of my colleague said to me later with acting " Meri in gunahgaar ankhon ne kuch nahin dekha....!!"
Or later singing some indian song the wording of which are very meaningful as if he is trying to indicate that he is observing romance between two people.
Do you think such jokes and humor when exceed limits can invite devil easily to mind. (Though still I haven't yet felt like that till now)
Thanks sister, but for the last few days it seems that the message was clearly conveyed to the colleague but not to her.
As I don't want to be rude, I have decided to give a Taliban look, also sending Jehad and Ramazan e-mails on the id that she gave me. That would insha'Allah solve the problem.
Also the latest news is that my Advisor told me that the next series of experiments which is the vital part of my thesis is something that girl has already done in her work, so he called her and told her to teach me those experiments and all the details so that I may not make mistake in them. Though she happily accepted them but I am totally confused on how should I deal with this matter. Unfortunately there in NO ONE else available who might teach me those experiments as the lastest device has only been used by her till now. Performing that experiments means staying in the Lab from morning till evening or night, as they last for too long.
STP - are you serious? You're one sick puppy
Or that must be one ugly girl to have turned you all holy.
^ I am working on recycling of asphalt concrete and to find out it's rutting potential I have to use UTS (universal testing machine)
^ that would be so annoying! i cant understand how ppl can be so behooda!
if u r really stressed about it, read namaz-e-haajat... Subhanallah this helps me a lot! and i know u know this, but perhaps pray tahajjut namaz and ask Allah SWT to guide your colleagues and to make them stop the nonsense, inshallah.
JazakAllah khair sister for the kind and sincere advice. Very much appreciated in this time of need.
May Allah bless you and your family with all the blessings of this life and hereafter.
I think you should wear a shuttle cock burqa YOURSELF!
Get a life and a mature atitude. Your attitude is ridiculous. You work with a woman who is also a mature, professional coworker. By behaving stand offish and silly, you are giving her NO respect at all.
Are you a child, that you cannot tell your male coworkers that thier stupidity makes you uncomfortable?
Atleast give her some respect by behaving like she is a thinking, equal person, rather than just a big tempting bag of estrogen.
Thanks everyone for your kind and sincere advices. I would insha'Allah keep them all in mind and follow the one which I feel to be the best in terms of keeping myself within the limits of my beliefs and also not hurting anyone among my colleagues.
JazakAllah khair for your valuable time. Very much appreciated. Listening to different perspectives does help you in looking at the matter from different dimensions and hence taking the most appropriate step, with the grace and blessings of Allah (swt) :)
May Allah bless you all and your families with all the blessings of this life and hereafter