…or the idea of my in laws planning to have the valima in the masjid turning me off…i’m actually pissed …should i be or it has nothing to do with me its their choice?..are they being kanjoos?..likee noooooooooooooooooo i dont want it in the masjid coz like its sort ov like a open invitation for anyone who walks in that evening…blah i’m mad 
anywhere but there cause ive known that masjid for sooo long now and mostly know everyone who comes there…
i dont want to get married…
Re: Is it just me?
What's the problem if u know everyone there and they are coming?
Re: Is it just me?
Why Masjid? Can't they find another place on earth to celebrate your Walima?? I can understand your feelings....
Re: Is it just me?
I know people who have had their nikkah done at the masjid....but not a valima. I personally wouldn't be too keen on the idea myself. Talk to your parents about how you feel. Maybe they can figure out a tactful way of discussing the situation with your fiance's parents and reaching some sort of compromise. Or you can try talking to him yourself....but not until you've calmed down and without using words such as kanjoos. You say that they're "planning" to have it there.....is it just an idea/possibility that they're cotemplating or is it a final decision? Find everything out first to see if you should invest energy in getting upset...and then communicate/compromise in a calm/mature way.
Re: Is it just me?
Its sad that child marriage is still rampant these days.
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Valima in Masjid !!!.. Thats a first even for me .. i dont think i know anyone ever in UK atleast that has had a Walima in Masjid..
Re: Is it just me?
So whose the lucky groom? The involuntary celibate who watches porn or the collegeboyfriend?
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^ I can understand it from the point of view that weddings should be kept simple, that the extravagance leads to competition and can be financially and emotionally stressful, that there are people who can't afford having a wedding in a hall/hotel. But I also understand that it can be tough to deal with such a situation when you've had a certain image of how you'd want your wedding to turn out. It can be held in another place...and still be done in a simple way. I've seen my local masjid....heck I teach at the school next to it.....the carpet is dirty, it smells funny, the lighting is not the greatest...it's cramped, there's a lack of privacy, parking can be nuts. I would not be too crazy about it myself. Weddings are an emotional roller coaster because you're trying to reconcile what you've always imagined/dreamed of with what your partner and their family wants and then to be able to afford it all. It's a crazy time...I don't think it makes her a "child"...but she does need to find a more mature way of discussing the matter with the people involved. Many of us can sound petty/childish when we're upset.
Re: Is it just me?
Is the wedding day happening according to your choice? If yes, then I think you should just let it go and be happy about the bigger changes marriage will bring.
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I feel you, my in-laws had decided they were going to do the walima iin the masjid too. I didn't take that well and ofcourse told them how I felt, which led to me not having a walima at all lol
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I thought foods that produce unpleasant odours aren't allowed in the Masjid and that would probably be the only thing to worry about. Plus the fact that you need to ensure people don't litter the Masjid.
Otherwise, I don't know if its such a big deal? I mean it IS their day, the Groom hosts the Valimah.
Re: Is it just me?
If the masjid has some party hall for organising such occassions like nikah, its not a big issue I guess. It all depends on the perspective of how you look at things. You can try to talk to your fiance. If he understands your concerns, you are lucky enough. Otherwise, such compromises have to be made in marriages. We all expect Walima to be a formal reception held at some 5-star hotel and its just that your expectations of such a Walima is not being fulfiled. Talk to your parents and your fiance. Whoever is able to convince the other party wins.
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I see where you're coming from, as most girls dream of their day from a very young age and they do not envisage the masjid at all. But it's not the be-all and end-all. And you get to decide your own day anyway, so what's the big deal?? But if you are REALLY upset about it, then talk to your parents, so they can talk to your fiances parents. It's better to find out the real reasons as to why they wish to hold the walima in the masjid because they may be genuine reasons, such as not being able to afford another venue, and not because they are being kanjoos - well you will never find out that they are being kanjoos because they are hardly going to admit to that, unless they are filthy rich and you know they can afford another venue.
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Maybe your in-laws have financial issues. Keep in mind that even if it doesn't seem like they have problems with money, in reality they might. If your masjid charges for using its hall, then find out how much it costs. Keep the price in mind and look around at small halls in your area- like community centers- that are similar in price. Then, tactfully talk to your fiance and let him know that you found a good alternative to the masjid. Also, doesn't the masjid practice segregation? Segregation amongst the guests and even the husband and wife don't sit together...? If so, you can ask your fiance how he feels about that.
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Valima is guy's side function....let them do how they want it done........its their right........
how would u feel if they told they wanted a baraat reception done a particular way???
P.S......... Grow up!!!
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P.S......... Grow up!!!
Wow, and that is coming from you.....double standards these days!! :p
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sad state of affairs. just don't have an islamic wedding if you are pissed at something like this.
Re: Is it just me?
i dunno but i havent heard of a walima in a masjid ...i know of nikkah ceremonies happening in the masjid but not a walima..but then again its all up to the ppl doing it ...
like RV said you could try tactfully asking if they have finalised it ..and maybe they do have some financial constraints!
i know when things aren't happening the way you had wanted them to be ..it's naturally to be pissed but you need to consider the next person's position as well..
and as for what Sara posted ..4-5 years down the lane wedding functions hardly matter anymore ..and the fuss about minor details seem laughable ..but if that was the case when you were in the midst of planning for your own shadi..the GS Wedding section wouldn't be such a hit here would it :p
Do you mean like the masjid has a seperate hall for the community ive been to a valima in one and ok no music but i didnt see anyone there who wasnt family.. I dont think its a case of anyone can walk in.. And it definantly wasnt segregates..You need to speak to your other half and ask him if there is an alternative.. Maybe your in laws are on a tight budget but if you dont speak up itl just cause problems. You cant just say i dont want to get married because of that.. Communication communication communication.!! Thats whats lacking just speak to them and as someone suggested if theyre on a budget just mention a few other places that could fall within that category..
Re: Is it just me?
Have you talk to your guy and expressed this concern?.