Re: Is it just me or is it them?
I hope he’s gone by now…
Re: Is it just me or is it them?
yeh kaisa sa parda hai?
Re: Is it just me or is it them?
Ok now shes breaking rules, not good not good
Re: Is it just me or is it them?
I didn't know that she had a boyfriend. . .
that's not good.
May Allah (swt) guide her (and all of us) to the right path, Ameen.
Re: Is it just me or is it them?
is the boyfriend a muslim 2?
Re: Is it just me or is it them?
...to answer your questions, it's you.
Re: Is it just me or is it them?
I dont understand, when you see girl in hijab you say she is very 'mazhabi'..it means you are ghair mazhabi. Same thing happens with guys, when they see guy with beard they tag him mazhabi. But I know one thing Islam mein darhee hai magar darhee mein islam nahi. Same with Hijab thingy. Its my personal observation, girls are more corrupt who wear hijab. I must say that Hijab is taken as fashion..One of my friend used to say that those girls who dont have attractive hair, they normally wear scarf and Hijab.
Hijab doesn't confine you or isolate you from community. So take it easy and dont be so sensitive at all..
Allah Hu
Baba-Geee
Re: Is it just me or is it them?
&Passionate there are certain questions you have to ask yourself before judging her or passing criticism at her.
You cannot impose Islam on someone. Everyone must accept it out of their free will. Regretfully many Muslim families don't see that. And thus, you get people like your roommate.
I remember my early teenage years when my mom would nag me to pray. Back then I was lazy when it came to prayers. I did not really understand Islam and the reason why I should pray when I did not want to (Of course there were better things to do, like watch TV, chat on phone , surf the net) But at the same time I was afraid of being scolded at and labeled non-nimaze/na farman. So I would pray whenever my mom was around and wouldn't care when she wasn't. Yes it meant lying to myself/ Allah and my mom but I just failed to understand all that one because of the age and society I was living in and second because of ignorance.
Re: Is it just me or is it them?
Ok, see now you mention boyfriend and it's a bit different. Before it was just going out with her girlfriends and being giggly. Now she's obviously living a 'double life' behind the veil. &Passionaite, I think the main part of your post was the fact that you wanted a Muslim roomate you could relate to. Instead you got someone totally opposite of what you expected and you are disappointed. I think you are let down and frustrated by her behavior which is contradicted by her appearance. I can understand that.
But again like others said, just cause someone is Muslim it doesn't make them perfect. As you go out into the world, I think you'll see how many colorful characters there are. Sometimes you just have to shake your head and let it go. Just learn from others and live a good life yourself.
Re: Is it just me or is it them?
Passionate.. seriously get yourself a life and stop being holier than thou. It really is no business of yours how she leads her life.
Re: Is it just me or is it them?
beside being a girl...there's also an ocean between where we live!
Re: Is it just me or is it them?
Ahh, a boyfriend, now that's a different story... that is obviously a big no no. I am still not quite sure why the rest of it is any of your business, but I would def. ban the boyfriend from my room. Maybe she can get involved in the MSA instead?
Re: Is it just me or is it them?
roomie situations are hard. i have had a bunch of roomies over the past 5-6 yrs, and if i have learnt anything, it is that dont assume anything (positive mostly) just based on their ethnic background. i live by myself now, but if i were ever to go back to rooming with someone (highly unlikely), i'd definitely make sure i talk to the person about a checklist full of items that are important to me before i decide on him/her.
bottomline is, if you think your and roomie's lifestyles dont match, think about moving. you should have ensured a match when you picked your roomie. if you didnt ask the girl about the whole boyfriend and hours stuff before, it is your mistake.
and lastly, please dont turn into another irem. you are in college, dont limit your circle to just hijabis and muslims.
Re: Is it just me or is it them?
^queer, I am not limiting myself to hijaabis and muslims only, I just thought living with a muslim gal would be a bit easier. It's not all bad, I just dont like some of the thing she does :-/
Anyhow, can someone tell me a good and non-offensive way of letting her know that I am extremely piised about her bf being at our important almost all night? :s I mean I went to bed at like 1:30 am and he was still there :-/
Re: Is it just me or is it them?
Just tell her you aren't comfortable with a man being around in your place, especially since you have already told her how you feel about it.
Most of us wouldn't like it one bit &Passionate. I don't think it's appropriate at all. If the girl was living on her own, she could do what she wants, but she is being extremely inconsiderate of your wishes. When sharing a room with someone, you need to compromise and this is one matter that your roomie should compromise on since this is about your comfort level and own space.
Just be straight forward with her and tell her how you feel. I think that would be the best way handle this.
Re: Is it just me or is it them?
I have lived on campus and thanks goodness I always had a good roommate but still I know quite a few hijabis who 've had boy friends and used to stay out late nights. I had this one hijabi grl next door whose parents told her that no guy can ever visit her in her room so you know what, she always went and stayed out at her boy friend's apartment. She did listen to her parents. oh by the way, this one pathani hijabi had three boy friends for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, and trust me none of them knew about the other one. We always used to laugh at her that how long can she hide it successfully. In fact there were three hijabi grls who used to wear hijab while visiting their parents on the weekends but they will take it off once they stepped back on campus and I have actually seen them drunk in the residential area. All of them were desis, though. I never judged them but then I wasn't friends wit them either and of course most of those grls belonged to the MSA. On the other hand, I have also seen a really nice group of hijabi grls who were born and raised in the USA but they were very Islamic and truly better Muslimah than my group of shareef friends. So, its not the hijab but the grl itself and never judge a grl based on her appearance (with hijab or without hijab.. equally dangerous) does this help?!?!
Don't worry about her attitude but do tell her taht you don't appreciate guys staying over so please eitehr limit it to the day time visit or preferably she can go and visit them whenever she wants to. Let her stay out as much as she wants to, good for you. You would have a whole room/apartment to yourself. :-)
Re: Is it just me or is it them?
i dont think &passionate would be able to dictate terms on who her roomie has visiting, and at what hours, as long as they stay out of &passionate's room/shared living area/dont make noise.
she can try saying "i dont feel comfortable with having a guy in your room", but really, it isnt her right. this is why it is so important to make such things clear right when you pick your roomie.
Re: Is it just me or is it them?
queer - well I couldnt ask ehr before we moved in togeher if she had a boyfriend or not. She seemed soo conservative, I didnt wanna offend her or anything. Actually the day that we were moving in together, er bf was helping her move, but at that time she told me that he’s just a friend and he is muslim so I assumed ke u know hoga koi janney wala, cuz she said thather cousin was gonna come help her too.
But the net day or the day after she tells me oh he’s my boyfriend.
GTG - what a playa that pathaani lol 
Most of the girls that are here are in the MSA as well. No wonder our MSA is screwed up as well.
Mehnaz - thanks for the advice. I know I’ve gotta talk to her, hopefuly she comes home early today so we can talk.
Re: Is it just me or is it them?
Most of us wouldn't like it one bit &Passionate. I don't think it's appropriate at all. If the girl was living on her own, she could do what she wants, but she is being extremely inconsiderate of your wishes. When sharing a room with someone, you need to compromise and this is one matter that your roomie should compromise on since this is about your comfort level and own space.
Just be straight forward with her and tell her how you feel. I think that would be the best way handle this.
good advice Mehnaz! :)
Gemini - that's one funny story about the 3 boyfriends :D
Re: Is it just me or is it them?
I will try to keep my opinion short. I think it comes down to people's opinion of two things:
- Men and women equal in rights?
- Opinion on FUN = HARAM?
FUN being an activity which a person enjoys and yet it being unethical cannot be proven (with respect to Quran). Generally its is advised to leave such activity, but in the end its a personal choice - just like everyfin else :)