Since I’ve been in America, I’ve rarely come in contact with the Muslim community outside of the family. One of the reasons and the most important one is that we dont live in a community where there are any Muslims.
Anyhow this semester, I got a Muslim roommate. She’s from India and has the same major as I do, and when I met hre and her mom, they seemed pretty cool and conservative people. I dont wear a hijaab like she does, but my day to day behavior (in the real world :halo: ) is pretty conservative.
I really dont know how to get to my point because I will have to write down the whole four weeks that I’ve known my roommate.
Anyhow, I’ve met a couple of her other friends. One’s her cousin and the other I guess was her cousin’s roommate or something. Anyhow, my roommate one day was picking me up from somewhere (which was very nice of her), and she brought along the friend girl. Anyhow we said our hellos and then comes the non-stop laughter. Every single word that that girl uttered from her mouth was accompanied with laughter, and to me the humor in whatever she was saying was pretty much unidentifiable. My roommate ofcourse was doing exactly the same thing.
Anyhow, my roommate’s casula routine is shen she goes out with her friends she doesnt get back until like 2 am. She offered me to go with her to watch the latest show of whatever movie and I denied because I am just not used to staying out so late. With girlfriends or not it doesnt matter.
I dont want to be judgmental, but from those girls’ appearance they seem like the most conservative girls alive. They dont wear make up, they dont wear fancy clothes, they wear hijaab, yet their behavior is just so out there.
I dont know, maybe freedom means something different to all of us. I mean, living away from home to me doesnt mean that I can go watch the latest show of a movie at night or hang out with my “friends” until 2 in the morning.
And to them, which she said herself, staying away from home meant having fun. Which apparently she isnt having enough of :-s
So to me, her behavior is really not what I expected and thats because I am not like that.
So because I actulaly dont know alot of Muslim girls, I ask: Are most girls like this? Do you guys who live in dorms away from home, indulge in such behavior? Is it okay? And am I wrong?
She's not drinking or sleeping with anyone. But if she's lying or hiding things from her parents then she's living a 'double life'. However, you can't place judgement on someone. Let her live out her fun, seems innocent enough and i'm sure she'll grow tired of it soon.
^ I am not forcing my thoughts on anybody! I havent told her that she cant do this and she cant do that!! And I am sure its not just Indians who are “more relaxed”
And I never said I was perfect. Yes I dont do what she does but if you read my post I never really said what she does is wrong, I just asked if thats the “norm”
Actually you know what, I am being a bit judgmental, but why shouldnt I be. I dont do any of the things she does (neither do I want to), yet i am pretty sure when some of our dear desis will see the both of us, just because she wears a hijaab she will be deemed more shareef than I am, when in reality she isnt.
What is up with the pretense of hijaab? If you only wear it cuz your parents make u wear it, then take that off as well, when u go for your loochey lafangiyaan cuz your parents dont allow that either.
I have lived in a hostel in Pakistan. Where ALL of the girls were Muslims and Pakistanis. Who came from different parts of Pakistan, and from different back grounds. I was astonishing to see the transformation some of them had in just one semester. Sadly it so happens, that people who come from conservative background tend to be the ones to rebel or "enjoy" the liberty they have at hostel.
I don't see that she is putting up the 'pretense' of hijab. Since when does hijab mean that you need to stay at home and do nothing? In fact, hijab gives one more freedom. When I was in college I found that hijab gave me freedom to go to movies, and go bowling and out with my friends without being harrassed by men.
You spend your college years on a completely different schedule so why not go out and watch movies later at night, and yes, being away at college is also about having fun, in a halaal way, which it seems that she is doing. It sounds as though hijab isn't an act, otherwise why not take it off while she's away at college.
And since when is laughter unislamic or unbecoming a hijabi? Were they drawing attention to themselves in front of men? It sounds as though you were more jealous at being left out than anything else. Just keep in mind that our Prophet (saw) was known for his good sense of humor, giving other nicknames, etc.
To be honest, based on your post, I would have to guess that she is the more shareef one - after all, she isn't here backbiting her roomate in a discussion forum in an attempt to make herself appear more shareef.
Well ,let the aunties think what they want, this is where you have to be so content with who you are that you shouldn't give a rats arse what anyone *but * God and your nuclear family perceive you as. Let them be fools for judging you. You have to think perhaps your roommate lacks confidence and or her family would never approve of her lifestyle that’s why she has to put on a farce.
amana - you see the things is that i am not immature enough to get jealous of something that is not worth being jealous of.
And about the sense of humor thing, another thing about the Prophet was that he did not laugh out like a maniac. And no they do not have a good sense of humor. As I said, they just kept laughing for no apparent reason. And they act like that all the time anywhere and everywhere.
Also, these girls come in contact more with desi guys than i have seen anybody else. If Hijaab means that they are not gonna be harrassed by guys then Hijaab should also mean that they dont hang out with and spend hours and hours with guys as well.
belle - you're right and I know that as well. There's a lot more to my story, I just dint wanna type it. The thing is that I dont like the hypocrisy.
Sadaf - you see, I thought I'd be the same way. I was actually afraid that I might end up doing all the wrong things. Our family is pretty conservative and my mom and dad have put so much trust in me and my siblings that I think I'd just feel horrible if I did something that I know I am not supposed to do.
Well, there are several hadith about our Prophet (saw) laughing so that you could see his back teeth. Apparently they have either a better sense of humor than you, or like old friends, have inside jokes that you just don't "get". And there is nothing wrong with having guys as friends as long as you are not alone with any or transgress the boundaries that Islam has set.
To be honest, based on what you've posted, the only hypocrisy I see here is backbiting.
passionate just because one wears a hijab that does not mean they are better muslim then someone who does not.
Unfortunately every hijaban has to live by this image of being a perfect mortal girl. I totally disagree with the fact staying up late at night and having fun with friends to be thats not freedom its called "AWARAGARDI". Only Allah knows who is better muslimah He never gave us any right to judge.
amana - Even Allah said he will judge people on day of qayamah i dont think you should take charge of that part - should you?
Passionate - Every hijabi girl is just like another girl. Behind every hijab there are bad and good muslim girls. Yes hijab itself is very noble and one is doing something good.
Finally! I do go to parties, I do have music blasting in my car while i am driving, I work in the city where i am dealing with men daily. I have no problem shaking hands with men either. I love movies i usually go once a month. I love traveling with friends. I laugh wherever and whenever i want. I do curse and put people back in their place when i have too. So does that make me a bad muslim? I don't think i have given this right to anyone. ONLY Allah knows so leave it up to HIM....its my deeds, my imaaan..... Yeap i am hijabi who is making her own trail in corporate America and when i get to the top i will let you know.
**mullahs all over have a very bad reputation bcoz wen they keep a beard they r also making a statement that they are muslims and follow the ahadith etc but their actions n practices in daily life are so contradictory and thats y we bych abt them.
wen a girl wears a hijab she also makes a statement.its not only a piece of cloth,it has a whole islamic philosophy behind it and ofcourse its her right to either get her act together in accordance with that philosophy or do otherwise.
passion has observed those girls and we havent but all of us have seen contradictory cases.we had hijaabans in uni who wore half sleeves,fitted clothers and i cud trace out the designs on their black lace bras from afar.[now dont start on me ,stick to the issue].
some wear hijab simply to ward off harassment,some do it coz its their custom at home or community and i believe wat passion is trying to say is this that wen u wear hijab ur acts shud be such which shud b in harmony with the islamic philosophy behind hijab.
and yes laughing out loud draws attention .
we say in a macro definition that islam is a religion of peace and so muslim response to cartoons shud have been dignified and peaceful.same on a micro level for hijab as well.it tells of character,mentality,religious values and morals. thats wat it stands for as well,its not simply covering the hair just bcoz it was ordained by Allah in the quran.
i believe passion is simply thinking out aloud and not judging and girls staying out till 2 am [wether they indulge in orgies or not] is awaragardi as someone very aptly put it.
**
Passionate, I think your post is being mistakenly taken to be something that its not unless I am misunderstanding it :)
You asked for the norm and I will ask you, is there any such thing as normal?? Perhaps its normal to display such behaviour for her but not for you. I say just let her be the way she is and you can go on and be like you want to be. Being a room mate doesnt mean you guys have to be best friends with each other. I havent had a muslim room mate in the US but I did live in the dorms both is US and Pakistan and I can tell you, even in Pakistani college dorms, girls do all what you have mentioned : staying out, going to movies etc. In that aspect, its pretty "normal". But hten again everyone defines the norm in a different way.
&Passionate, I've lived on campus before and it really varies. I didn't go buck wild, never went out, went home on weekends, attempted to focus on studies ... it truly varies on the individual.
Environment does affect people. Other than this girl staying out till 2:00 a.m. to watch a film, I don't really see anything wrong with her behaviour. You are being just a wee bit judgmental here.
Remember, at the end of the day, Allah is watching what we all do. Focus on yourself, let others be if it isn't directly affecting you or your life.
However, if this is something that is really bothering you, with her being your room mate and all, why don't you talk to her about it?
