Hello Everyone!
I want just to share something with you people which has been bothering me as of whether what i did was right or not.
I had a close friend,and our friendship grew & it changed into love.He wanted to marry me,and he let his mother know about me,but his mother,having had gone through a sour love marriage herself,didn’t want her son to take the same step,and so, she wanted her son to marry someone she would choose for him.The other reasons she gave for disapproving me were that,there was no age gap between us and we are both of the same age,with just a couple of months difference,and secondly because we both are culturally different.So,she kept rejecting me,but he had always taken a stand for me,and both mother & son used to have fights because of me,so much so that he was willing to marry me without his mom’s approval,but i rejected this idea as i didn’t want that he should leave his mom because of me, neither i wanted to make my parents face any kind of humiliation with any of my such step.
My parents aren’t willing to accept him either because his mom doesn’t approve of this rishta.my parents have confirmed my rishta with one of my cousins whom i don’t really like.But i see no other option for me,as I can’t really try further making my parents agreed,as his mom isn’t agreeing.
So, seeing really no future with this guy,i broke all the contacts with him,and have decided to move away,as i believe it is going to be more painful,if we stayed in contact and as the attachment would grow more,because i really don’t see anything positive happening between us as his mother is really a stubborn lady.
So, I want to ask,is it a right step which i have taken to break off all the contacts with him?
Re: Is it a right decision taken...
You were right in the grand scheme of things to break of all contact with him. That is only because there's no future in it and I say it also because that's your perspective. The guy sounds pretty sincere though.
Secondly, you've got every right not to marry your cousin. No one can push another person on you and you should stand up for yourself. But if you feel you'll get over it, that's your call to make.
Good luck!
Re: Is it a right decision taken...
my parents have confirmed my rishta with one of my cousins whom i don't really like
I see this as a bigger problem than the fact that you are unable to marry whom you love. Having you marry someone that you dont like is not a great decsion on their part.
Re: Is it a right decision taken...
I think your parents need to know that a marriage without your approval is not valid in Islam, so if you don't wish to marry that cousin of yours you have every right not to. As for the guy, I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing if he wants to marry you in spite of his mother's wishes. At the end of the day she is his mother and she has to come around some day. If the guy is financially independent and you will be living separately, then I think the marriage is workable. The thing is it is you two who are going to spend a life together, not your parents.
I have a cousin who was in a similar situation, he didn't stand up to his family for the girl he loved even though her family was okay with it and I really think he was a coward for that.
Re: Is it a right decision taken...
you did the right thing by not marrying the guy who is blindly in love with you, but dont marry someone who you dont even like. i strongly believe you need to take a break from "in the relationship" concept. and just sit back and relax.
Re: Is it a right decision taken...
I have been into exactly similar situation once. But thanks to Allah and my parents for not letting me marry that guy.
In your case as TLK and rizla said, you ll put urself in bigger trouble if u married someone u dont like. Tell ur parents you need some time if u cannot blatantly refuse to them. Tell them that u dont like the guy so you need some time to think.
Re: Is it a right decision taken...
I see this as a bigger problem than the fact that you are unable to marry whom you love. Having you marry someone that you dont like is not a great decsion on their part.
this
Re: Is it a right decision taken...
by the way if u dont mind, how old are you Pinkky?
Re: Is it a right decision taken...
by the way if u dont mind, how old are you Pinkky?
23..why?
Re: Is it a right decision taken...
^ lol i was of same age when I had taken the decision of marrying that guy who was blindly in love with me. I was really stupid in that age though i never accepted it then. Not saying u are stupid too but this age is not very ripe age. Two words of love can make us all emotional and ready to die for anyone.
Just want to say that dont rush it. You are young, give your marriage sometime. InshAllah you will find the right person for you.
Re: Is it a right decision taken...
Pinkyyy you took the right decision , you are not a romantic type. You will do what your parents tell you to, so what is the point in discussing this concept of love. Are you marrying him or his mother ? Who cares if she does not approve. Your parents should not care about his mothers approval and give their asheervad to this manoon of yours.
Re: Is it a right decision taken...
23..why?
^ lol i was of same age when I ...
Oye hoye, phir tou yeah baree hee puraani baat hui.
Re: Is it a right decision taken...
^ it is puraani baat. shushhhh... :D
Re: Is it a right decision taken...
I think you're ignoring the bigger problem which is marrying a man you dont even care for - let alone love.
Re: Is it a right decision taken...
I agree with TLK. There is no point in marrying your cousin whom you dislike. However, the guy you love/loved is still the better option. However, his mother has no right to tell him not to have a love marriage as she herself had one. Hypocrite much..
Re: Is it a right decision taken...
Hello Everyone! I want just to share something with you people which has been bothering me as of whether what i did was right or not. I had a close friend,and our friendship grew & it changed into love.He wanted to marry me,and he let his mother know about me,but his mother,having had gone through a sour love marriage herself,didn't want her son to take the same step,and so, she wanted her son to marry someone she would choose for him.The other reasons she gave for disapproving me were that,there was no age gap between us and we are both of the same age,with just a couple of months difference,and secondly because we both are culturally different.So,she kept rejecting me,but he had always taken a stand for me,and both mother & son used to have fights because of me,so much so that he was willing to marry me without his mom's approval,but i rejected this idea as i didn't want that he should leave his mom because of me, neither i wanted to make my parents face any kind of humiliation with any of my such step. My parents aren't willing to accept him either because his mom doesn't approve of this rishta.my parents have confirmed my rishta with one of my cousins whom i don't really like.But i see no other option for me,as I can't really try further making my parents agreed,as his mom isn't agreeing. So, seeing really no future with this guy,i broke all the contacts with him,and have decided to move away,as i believe it is going to be more painful,if we stayed in contact and as the attachment would grow more,because i really don't see anything positive happening between us as his mother is really a stubborn lady. So, I want to ask,is it a right step which i have taken to break off all the contacts with him?
You have made a very good choice. well done....jin shaadiyon main maa baap ki marzi nahi hoti woh zaida arsa nahi chalti. u kept your parents dignity that is really good.
now as for your rishta being confirmed with your cousin. i think you should speak to your parents in detail and tell them that you dont like him. rather ask them that "its my marriage dont i have any rights to say yes or no?". lets see what they say. all the best
Re: Is it a right decision taken...
So, seeing really no future with this guy,i broke all the contacts with him,and have decided to move away,as i believe it is going to be more painful,if we stayed in contact and as the attachment would grow more,because i really don't see anything positive happening between us as his mother is really a stubborn lady. So, I want to ask,is it a right step which i have taken to break off all the contacts with him?
It is indeed the right decision...albeit a really hard one but right. Any further contact with him would hurt both of you..making your lives further miserable... :( They say time is the best healer...
It must be so frustrating ...but a marriage without the consent of the parent is a no-no... I'm glad you took the rationale way..you kept your distance. Make dua now...trust in Allah...He knows the 'why' of every question that you will have in your mind...He knows what you're going through. And you're not alone. The guy you love is facing the exact same dilemma by himself...praying to Allah to soften his mom's heart towards you.
I know of a similar case as yours except that ... the two worked in the same office.....romance bloomed...the guy asked his mom to ask the girl's hand in marriage...and the mom disapproved of the union after visiting the girl's place... and from all the reasons she gave...seriously they were LAME...the guy's mom just didn't approve of 'the family'...however didn't have a problem with the girl!! WTH!!
Now...guy and the girl still work in the same office..and well......are in pain!
And...a marriage should have your approval too...you can't just be set up in a rishta that you disapprove of... as others have said...please do talk to your parents. Don't compromise on this! Best wishes... :)
Re: Is it a right decision taken...
To all those who are saying that marriage can't happen with parents' consent, why not? If the reason as pinkyy mentioned is a stupid one like cultural differences, surely that goes against Islam's teachings and you should be allowed to marry against your parents' wishes. I know there are times where parents through their experience can tell whether the person their son/daughter has chosen may be right or not but there are also times when they are blatantly wrong.
Re: Is it a right decision taken...
Yes you have taken the right step. I don't know if you are religious or not but according to Islam what happened b/w you two was wrong. But it's never too late and now you have done the right thing. Now it's up to the guy to persuade his parents in your favor. But you also can't marry someone you don't like - *so you have to make that clear to your parents. Here, another thing needs to looked at: Do you not like your cousin as a person, or you don't like him because you're still inclined towards the other guy...? If the latter's true than you won't settle for *anyone. In order to move on, may be you'll have to completely give up on this guy and leave the rest to Allah.
Re: Is it a right decision taken...
u did the right thing
but do you really dislike and hate your cousin? or do you just view every man in that way b/c you still have that attachment to that guy?