Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
^ Totally agree
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
It is a good idea to ask her if she is comfortable you talking about your past because you're only human and sometimes you think about your past.
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
You know what, if you've changed and you're a better man, don't bother. It's only gonna upset me. I would ask that he be honest after I commit to him but I'm not worried about his past unless he's been through something traumatizing. If it's not gonna affect me or his future with me, I don't care.
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
Cheegum, hmmmmmmm..................one might say "Sure, I'm totally okay with you discussing your past".............out of curiosity. At a much later point.......that same information could have the potential to nag at you.
The thing is..........we NEVER know what's going on inside a person's head. A person could be mad at you and tell you that they're doing fine. Someone could be upset at something you had said or done ages ago.........not mention their concern........and then blow up about the issue years later.
Even when we playfully tease or make fun of another person. The other person could smile and shrug it off or act as if they're unaffected. BUT.........for all you know.......maybe your comments are still pricking their subsconscious.
I feel that you don't have to volunteer every single little detail of your past life to your spouse. The past makes you who you are.......BUT......if it's not affecting your relationship with your current partner.......you're not required to share it.
And this may sound strange..........but I think that some memories are better left unshared. It's almost as if they lose their specialness or value or contribution to your growth as a person if they're shared with too many people. The past/memories are a part of you........they don't necessarily have to become a part of someone else who never experienced them.........who could possibly twist things around and hurt you with the information you exposed. One can learn lessons from their past without sharing those lessons with others.
Unless you're absolutely and positively certain that your partner is one who is open-minded and secure...........then share away. But.......I think it's too risky and it has the potential to backfire big time.
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
***No !
Why open pandora's box !***
Its never a good idea to tell your current partner about the feelings you had for someone else as inevitably it will lead to them questioning your true feelings for them at some latter point down the road as it would be used as a yardstick to compare..............
Its like putting an idea in someone's mind and once it takes root , it begins to grow and because they can never have a complete picture of how things were at that time between u and ur past partner it starts to fester and leads to misunderstandings down the line.......
Unless a past relationship was of a nature that would impact their decision to be with you or not one should let sleeping dogs lie !
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
i dont know.. in a way it would be good to tell ur partner about ur past but then i think it wud change something somewhere.. so i think its better to be ignorant of the things u dont know about..
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
Well, thing is, I started the thread AFTER having told her. Wanted to get other people's views on it. What happened is that we were having a casual chat, and somehow the topic came up. Well, she really wanted to know, so I guess I caved in.
Khair, so I told her about 2-3 girls I liked and 2-3 girls who liked me laikin that I never had any GF experience (by choice) or crossed the limits.
She brought it up the next day again and I told her that it wasn't a very nice part of my life and that she's way better than all the other girls combined. Khair I think she's happy that I never cheated or dated or did any of the other stuff.
But having told her and after reading ur responses esp red_velvet (who gives amazing advice btw.... my personal opinion), I think maybe I should have left it out. She's very cool so far and I'd really hate if she ever brings up any of those names/topics in my life.
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
I dont think you should tell absolutt everything about your past to your future spouse.If your past isent hurting your relationship, than whats point in telling about your past and risk destroying your future. If they ask than maybe tell the basic, but no need to go into every detail and tell them every tiny thing. If they dont ask, than dont tell. What you did in your past has nothing to do with your partner and it dosent concern them, he or she werent even a part of your life back than. What happend in the past, should just stay in the past.
But again if you have stepped over your boundaries in past and ended up going to far, than i think you should tell your partner.Specially if it could impact your relationship and impact his/hers decision about spending their life with you. Its better they find it out from you before shadi, than finding out for themself or from others after shadi.
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
No, don't tell me anything. I am not interested in her past affairs. But if she wants to tell me to get something off of her conscience then that's OK too. It will NOT in anyway affect my future behavior. I am a very forgiving kinda guy... I like to move on with things.
Would I be telling her about my past? Only if she has the stomach to digest
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
^ lol - you have a good history huh?
For all those who say share your past - I am simply horrified!!!
If you partner is like mine - I would not say anything… cause my partner is possessive (but sweet), and anything I tell would hurt him. Same about his past, I would not like to know.
I think the main reason past is PAST because of things not working out one way or the other. So if you did not HAVE A PAST - you wouldn’t be in the “present” situation with your new partner.
So just kiss but DON’T TELL 
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
I dont think there is anything wrong with talking about past crushes or whatnot...in fact I think it would be kind of interesting to know what kind of girls he used to like!
Now a PHYSICAL relationship is different. :)
Marwah Dear... being best friends does not have anything to do with this situation.... if he does not like to know or listen about ur past affairs it doesnt mean that he is an idiot.... may be he loves u so much n is possessive about u... n will not like the fact that he is 2nd or third choice ....it makes u feel bad.... nothing to do with being conservative .... And if he wants to know then obviously tell him.... in other case leave the past behind....I m sure there r other nice things about ur past that u can share ....
being best friends with your partner doesn't have anything to do with this situation, it has to do with ME and what I want. anyway, i'm not going to be yakking in my husbands ears, telling him something he doesn't want to hear. but i value honesty in a relationship and when i ask my husband, i expect him to tell me, and when he tells me, i'm sure he'll be wondering the same thing about me. and who's talking about 2nd or 3rd choice? that's not always the case.
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
I would like to know vaguely how many there have been afore etc. As long as the answer is a few, not none, not lots..
" but none of them meant anything to me baby,* you are my one and only, my shining light. Catherine, I am your Heathcliff. When we die I want our bodies to be buried adjacent so that we can rot together. United in eternity*"
No, don't tell me anything. I am not interested in her past affairs. But if she wants to tell me to get something off of her conscience then that's OK too. It will NOT in anyway affect my future behavior. I am a very forgiving kinda guy... I like to move on with things.
Would I be telling her about my past? Only if she has the stomach to digest
haha!
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
depends on you're wife, how controlling, possessive or open minded she is.
Unless she asks you directly, theres no sense in declaring your past, it just seems a tad tacky/bragging which im sure she wont be thrilled about.
I think if something is not too serious, its okay to not dicuss it. If you did something major like, totally getting involved, physical relationship, maybe engaged to someone or thought about marrying that person, then you may think about telling the wife.
Proposal and stuff is pretty normal for everyone I think. Anyone who is mature should understand that it is normal for both husband and wife to get proposals so is there really a need to talk about it???? I mean I know that my husband must've gotten some really good proposals.. a doc in US.. who doesn't want that... and I myself got a lot before I married my husband but we never talk about it or we never find the need to talk about it. It really isn't important to us who proposed, what is important to us is that we picked each other and now love each other.
As far as serious relationships are concerned, I would say sometimes its best to not tell. I used to have a friend. He once said, if the past is going to make your future unpleasent then bury it and move on. How many of us happily accept our husband/wife's bad past??? Some might not say anything on the face, but in their heart they know their spouse had done something that they wouldn't approve of. Weigh the benefits of telling your past to your spouse with cons of it. Don't ruin your future for your past.
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
Hmm.... well to be honest, we chatted a couple of times about our past proposals and any crushes I had and why they didn't work out. Thing is, it all went really well, and we even enjoyed the conversation. But I think one reason its not bothering us is because we didn't have anything serious like physical relationship or even a GF/BF relationship in the past.
So I liked a few girls in the past but found out they-were-already-taken/had-boyfriends and moved on and a coupla girls liked me but since I was against the Gf thing, it didn't work.
So I guess in the end, I think if you're not sure, don't share. If you do share, share only if haven't done anything major in your past life. Otherwise it gives a bad feeling.
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
^that's good..and you're right.
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
Thanks to all the guppies and guppans for their valuable advice and support :)
If you do share, share only if haven't done anything major in your past life. Otherwise it gives a bad feeling.
I disagree. Man the stories I can tell you kids from people i know. Trust me, its really not a big deal!
I agree with Marwah and Chanda, if they ask why hide it. It good to have everything out in the open so you are not worried about them ever finding it out. The relationships should be based on honesty and trust.