Do you guys think its a good idea to tell your wife about any feelings you had for girls in the past. By feelings I am strictly referring to non-affairs and non-physical relationships i.e. proposals you had, or proposals you sent or the girls you liked etc.
I seem to think that it is better to be open and honest about this stuff, as it can bring more confidence and trust in the relationship.
On the other hand, does this mean you’re giving out secrets that may be used against you in a fight ?
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
**wud a man be happy to hear about a woman's past? i dun think so and thats where the problem lies. a man has no business in demanding/expecting that wife wud/,ust listen to his past and be accepting and if she had anything to tell him then she better shut up.
yeh equality hai?**
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
i think starting a relationship based on truth and with a clean slate is always better, but then again thats my opinion. I would let my future wife know everything and i would expect the same from her, as far as HASHMAT`s comment goes, well a man would not like to hear about the past yes that is true but dont you think it is better you find out earlier from the person themself rather than finding out somehow through someone else and then ruining something nice. Hopefully i make sense.
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
^ I agree.
@Hashmat I'm not talking about sexual encounters or stuff like that. Just if you had feelings for someone.
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
we all have a phase were v like or hv a crush on someone thts so normal...now to tell this to our husbands/wife totally depends hw dey are if a wife is complexed or has some kina inferiority complex or u hv ever heard her saying "i think i need to really loose weight" (or any other such typical lines) thn really spare urself the misery she may just get obsessive take the gurls name n facebook stalk her n see tht hw tht chick looked n god forbid she is gona take some xcuse to atleast torchureu fr a week n dthn dont thinkull b done just yet!!! it'll also come up randomly every time u fite...so if u rready fr all tht best of luck :D
point being it does affect obviously some show it some dunt but just so tht u cn get something of ur chest n tell ur spouse dosnt always mean u shld...if it is really tht meaningless thn dunt say it now n create some meaning out of it!
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
related to the topic id like to say past really dosnt matter tht much we all have taken similar decision in our teens n tween yrs we all had a crush on sumone,were proposed or got proposed by someone,had a bf/gf...does it reaslly matter?are we asking or xpecting our spouse to tell us everything out of curiosity...n if we are are we sure we ready frthe answer well get may it be -ve/+ve and thn whole heartedly accept it n thn go thru no consequences aftr tht..!
everyones not the same some cn accept some cnt i feel marriage is a start of a new life treat it like one if ppl start going into each others past mite find some dead skeleton no ones ready to face!
^ I agree.
@Hashmat I'm not talking about sexual encounters or stuff like that. Just if you had feelings for someone.
**
exactly...same answer i wud give. even that men don't wanna hear or know asfar as i know :)**
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
Ideally, it sounds easy to do - tell her ur past and hear hers. But it can create problems. So, IMO, it's best to avoid that because if the 2 of you are together now and you are happy, does it REALLY matter who was there before you? The fact is that he/she married YOU.
i think starting a relationship based on truth and with a clean slate is always better, but then again thats my opinion. I would let my future wife know everything and i would expect the same from her, as far as HASHMAT`s comment goes, well a man would not like to hear about the past yes that is true but dont you think it is better you find out earlier from the person themself rather than finding out somehow through someone else and then ruining something nice. Hopefully i make sense.
I think I agree to you. I'd much rather tell her in a casual manner if I ever liked someone and why it didn't workout rather than have her find out through someone else. But again this depends upon the person as well. If she's cool and understanding then it won't be a big problem.
However, I think its always a bad idea to tell your spouse about your feelings/crush/affair for anyone who is still in our life i.e. a current colleague. People who were there in the past are not right there, but someone your spouse knows you are around and had feelings for at one time can make him/her really uncomfortable.
Bye the way, I would really like to know married girl's perspective on this one.
Ideally, it sounds easy to do - tell her ur past and hear hers. But it can create problems. So, IMO, it's best to avoid that because if the 2 of you are together now and you are happy, does it REALLY matter who was there before you? The fact is that he/she married YOU.
i agree with naqsa , its true that its good to be honest , but past is past , u have now present and future , and i think if u both talk about past , u or her maybe u will start to imagine those things from time to time , or when u have prob maybe reminding the past will create doubts between u both , u know how is chaytan is bad and how he is always trying to separate the couple.
so there is no relation of that about honesty , of course u wont lie that u have never have feelings before , but dont talk about details and ...she was like that , and i met her here or there... i loved her so much that i couldnt sleep ... things like that !!!
in my opinion, lets forget the past ! its new page now!!!!
i know what woman feel when her husb talk about his feeling to other girls, even if in the past ! its very hurting , and i know u wont like to hurt ur lover's heart ! put urself at her place for 5 min , and imagine what will u feel !
Good luck in ur life , i wish u happiness with ur wife !
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
Again , i didnt mean that u have to lie about it , honesty is very important , just think about the way to say it and dont hurt her much talking about it with many details ... and show her that she is now ur wife for all the life , and the past is the past but u just want her to know everything about u because u are honest with her and u never hide anything to her .
just make her thinking positively about the topic .
and plz , if u talk about it one day , never talk again and again other day , forget it ! even if she try one day to open the topic, tell her that its the past and u have now new life with her , and she is everything for u now !!!
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
my past shapes who i am as a person today. it's a part of me i can never forget, i'm going to tell my husband everything and expect him to tell me everything.
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
If u want to b honest n develop trust .... then tell ur would b wife or husband about ur past affairs before marriage ... I dont see any point in telling all this after marriage as u r not giving him or her any options to accept that or not...ppl r different some may dont like it or get hurt then wat can he or she do ....they have to accept it ....
If u didnt tell ur wife about past affairs then better not tell her after marriage unless she ask about it and is comfortable knowing about it.... because if u had a past its not like cheating on her it was before her ....
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
^ what if you never had any contact with your wife before marriage and she's interested in knowing this stuff after marriage and especially asks about it in a casual manner ?
:k:
initially there will be discomfort..but in the long run couples who share their pasts tend to have stronger relationships..
if a person is expecting absolute perfection in a human being..they are delusional and immature..
love and understanding does not have a chance to grow in a “perfect” relationship…
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
I told u that if she asks about it and comfortable knowing it...u should tell her.....
and u can always find means to tell her before marriage if u really want to.... like cal her, mail her,request her parents that u want to talk to her once n I think u r allowed to do it....
But as u asked in general.... so generally women dont like knowing about husband's past affairs n vice versa... they get jealous n may bring this up in fights n taunt u etc etc
Its nothing to do with being immature or mean its just human nature ....
my past shapes who i am as a person today. it's a part of me i can never forget, i'm going to tell my husband everything and expect him to tell me everything.
lol - Marwah - in that case, you are giving him the "knife" to stab you! LOL
I don't think any guy can digest the fact that his wife had been with someone else before! And SAME FOR THE WIFE! It's hard to know who your man had been with before you.
It's just an uneasy feelings.
It's better not to tell AND NOT TO ASK.
wow… that sounds very true. Quite frankly I doubt if my wife will accept that in the 25+ years of my life, I have “never liked” any gal 
not that she would demand answers, but i think she’ll probably think that I’m lying…
On the other hand, I think that people who have unfortunately “crossed the limits” with anyone before marriage should NEVER tell as it can ruin things. Talking about liking someone or having feelings for someone long ago is significantly different from having been around the block …
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
-don't tell!! manipulate the situation---be it wife or hubby.... we are pakis and thats how its done..
don't ever EVER be truth full. It will only harm.
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
what gone is gone ! no point digging there !
sharing your past with your partner doesn't make him/her more loyal or attractive towards you .. could go totally wrong you know
if he/she learns about it from somewhere and comes to question , than its fine to clear your position ! else than you shouldn't be starting it on your own :)