lol - Marwah - in that case, you are giving him the "knife" to stab you! LOL
I don't think any guy can digest the fact that his wife had been with someone else before! And SAME FOR THE WIFE! It's hard to know who your man had been with before you.
It's just an uneasy feelings.
It's better not to tell AND NOT TO ASK.
i'm going to marry someone i consider my good friend. i want to be honest with him and i want him to be honest with me. i'm not going to marry a narrow minded idiot who thinks it's the end of the world if his wife used to like someone else before they got married. i want my husband to know exactly who i am and i want to know exactly who he is, therefore i want to tell him everything there is about me. and i think chanda's right, it might be difficult at first but honesty makes for a stronger relationship in the long run.
wow... that sounds very true. Quite frankly I doubt if my wife will accept that in the 25+ years of my life, I have "never liked" any gal :) not that she would demand answers, but i think she'll probably think that I'm lying...
On the other hand, I think that people who have unfortunately "crossed the limits" with anyone before marriage should NEVER tell as it can ruin things. Talking about liking someone or having feelings for someone long ago is significantly different from having been around the block ...
i agree, those are two completely different things. talking about whether you've "crossed the limit" is definitely a sensitive subject, i'm actually not sure if i'd want to discuss that with my husband (not that i'm guilty of it). but i don't think there are many guys left in this world who haven't "crossed the limit" before they've gotten married (if only i could find one), and talking about such things can be really hurtful for me.
If u want to b honest n develop trust .... then tell ur would b wife or husband about ur past affairs before marriage ... I dont see any point in telling all this after marriage as u r not giving him or her any options to accept that or not...ppl r different some may dont like it or get hurt then wat can he or she do ....they have to accept it ....
If u didnt tell ur wife about past affairs then better not tell her after marriage unless she ask about it and is comfortable knowing about it.... because if u had a past its not like cheating on her it was before her ....
you're right..i wouldn't mind talking about it before marriage, infact i think i'd prefer that. i would however, go into details after marriage.
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
I totally agree.
You past shapes and determines the person you are today.
If anything, being able to tell your other half about your past shows that you do value honesty in a relationship. Finding out from someone else is more hurtful than finding out from some random. Even worse, if you came across them at a later date (the world is a small place).
I asked my other half about his past and likewise told him about mine. If a person can't handle the truth and any baggage which comes with you, then it is a good indicator of the way they will be in serious situations. Whilst it is good to share it, it is best to share it and then move on and not to throw it back in your spouse's face at a later date.
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
Marwah Dear... being best friends does not have anything to do with this situation.... if he does not like to know or listen about ur past affairs it doesnt mean that he is an idiot.... may be he loves u so much n is possessive about u... n will not like the fact that he is 2nd or third choice ....it makes u feel bad.... nothing to do with being conservative ....
And if he wants to know then obviously tell him.... in other case leave the past behind....I m sure there r other nice things about ur past that u can share ....
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
Well, nothing much... just two proposals that I had for marriage, the 1-2 girls I was interested in, but never actually talked with.... and 1-2 girls who were kinda interested in me. etc...... nothing high profile.. no skeletons in the closet by the grace of God :)
But still, I am not sure if it would disturb her to mention these things. I don't want to hide anything (well almost anything) but I dunno if talking about such stuff is a good idea. What I gather from the responses is that its a mixed response and depends on your spouse. Khair I think there's not much harm in telling as long as you keep it casual and if She's the one who asks about it..
Well....I have always left the decision to my mom... who bye the way always pushed it back to me :)
khair.... once, we didn't get a good istakhara and the second time, I didn't feel any connection and I didn't think we'd be compatiable. I mean she seemd like a nice person, but I didn't feel attracted to her and plus there were 1-2 other reasons as well.
Unofficially there were 3-4 other possible proposals as well, but don't wanna delve into details :)
Do you guys think its a good idea to tell your wife about any feelings you had for girls in the past. By feelings I am strictly referring to non-affairs and non-physical relationships i.e. proposals you had, or proposals you sent or the girls you liked etc.
I seem to think that it is better to be open and honest about this stuff, as it can bring more confidence and trust in the relationship.
On the other hand, does this mean you're giving out secrets that may be used against you in a fight ?
I’ve been talking to a guy (arranged rishta) for a little while and we really hit it off.. We felt there was a future together and he didn’t want to start off without telling me everything. He told me about his gf in college, who he’s completely past and has no feeling for.. but he and his family are still friends with her. I was definitely taken aback and didn’t want anything to do with him anymore! But then I realized that he didn’t have to tell me any of this, and it’s a sign of honesty and openness.. which are both very important in a relationship. And he’s choosing to have a lifelong relationship with me not the gf, so I’m completely ok with him telling me everything
Do you guys think its a good idea to tell your wife about any feelings you had for girls in the past. By feelings I am strictly referring to non-affairs and non-physical relationships i.e. proposals you had, or proposals you sent or the girls you liked etc.
I seem to think that it is better to be open and honest about this stuff, as it can bring more confidence and trust in the relationship.
On the other hand, does this mean you're giving out secrets that may be used against you in a fight ?
If she asks, then tell.
I don't see any reason to hide anything, because it makes you who you are, especially if you were in a long term relationship.
If the thought of being with a nother person bothers someone...they should sort this stuff out before they get married. Because afterwards, it's really silly to ask and then expect.
Btw, my husband and I talked about this before AND after we got married and we have NEVER fought about these things.
Btw 2, I take a different approach to physical affairs and "crossing the limits." but that's a different discussion :)
Well, to get a gf he had to go through a couple of flakes. You know one or two dates with one girl, one with another, “hanging out” with some other, until he met the one. So what he hasn’t really told you is that he dated 20 other girls before he met his gf.
Do you guys think its a good idea to tell your wife about any feelings you had for girls in the past. By feelings I am strictly referring to non-affairs and non-physical relationships i.e. proposals you had, or proposals you sent or the girls you liked etc.
I seem to think that it is better to be open and honest about this stuff, as it can bring more confidence and trust in the relationship.
On the other hand, does this mean you're giving out secrets that may be used against you in a fight ?
why why why would u ever want to do that???? U guys r starting out a NEW life together, u can leave those things in the PAST considering it was just feelings and nothing physical!! Everyone has feelings, but i dont see how talking abt ur proposals would bring you two closer...but thats just me
Re: Is it a good idea to tell ur wife about ur past ?
If she asks, then you can **choose **to tell her.
Although, you're not obligated to tell her about your past. IF your past is not harming your marriage.............you're not obligated to tell your wife.
Many people (including wives) have a past. It's not unusual for a wife to have had crushes in the past. The problem is that a woman's reputation is more fragile in desi culture. And there ARE desi husbands who will ask their wife if she had a past.......and if she tells him..............he can't tolerate it even if she has moved on from her past. Her **past **could be brought up in future arguments out of spite. I'm not saying that all guys are like this and I'm not saying that women are not posessive.
I'm just saying that revealing your past can be like opening up a can of worms. It's not impossible for your spouse to react in a calm/nonchalant/unaffected manner at first........and then become jealous later on. One could act calm........but there could be that potential for a storm to brew......or perhaps it has already begun. It's one of those topics that sometimes people confidently assume they will be "okay/carfree" about.........but it can have the potential to get under your skin and nag at you at a later point.
I'm of the opinion you're not obligated to disclose your past to others especially if you've moved on from it and especially if you know that it has the potential to become a sticky subject.
comon bataoo