Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
no looks and monies -> no teasers and kishies...
Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
Ok, it would be stupid to dump him because he was being stupid.
Talk to him about what happened. Try to find out why it happened when there were people around, and why it happened at all.
Don't condemn him for it. Just ask without judgment. I don't know how long you've known him for but for people to "act" as nice guys for a really long time, they either have to be reallly, really, really good at it or you have to be extremely stupid to not get an inkling. You don't sound stupid to me.
He may not have thought about your concerns seriously at all. Not because he doesn't care, but because they didn't occur to him at all. Do keep in mind that there is at least some cultural difference there.
Just talk to him about this issue. If you feel that he is being honest and you can live with his explanation, it isn't a big deal.
Explain to him that you felt like he thought you were a sl*t and how you don't like that. I don't think him doing that means he is taking you for granted. BUT talk to him.
You are the only one who can decide if he is serious about the relationship. Let him explain himself and see if you find it genuine. He is human too. Remember that he is allowed to make mistakes and be stupid. But if his "mistakes" cross any of your boundaries and explanations are not good enough for you, then you owe it to yourself to do what's best for you.
Good luck!
Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
no looks and monies -> no teasers and kishies...
i know i know.....it seems that way but i meant something else. lol
Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
Ok, it would be stupid to dump him because he was being stupid.
Talk to him about what happened. Try to find out why it happened when there were people around, and why it happened at all.
Don't condemn him for it. Just ask without judgment. I don't know how long you've known him for but for people to "act" as nice guys for a really long time, they either have to be reallly, really, really good at it or you have to be extremely stupid to not get an inkling. You don't sound stupid to me.
He may not have thought about your concerns seriously at all. Not because he doesn't care, but because they didn't occur to him at all. Do keep in mind that there is at least some cultural difference there.
Just talk to him about this issue. If you feel that he is being honest and you can live with his explanation, it isn't a big deal.
Explain to him that you felt like he thought you were a sl*t and how you don't like that. I don't think him doing that means he is taking you for granted. BUT talk to him.
You are the only one who can decide if he is serious about the relationship. Let him explain himself and see if you find it genuine. He is human too. Remember that he is allowed to make mistakes and be stupid. But if his "mistakes" cross any of your boundaries and explanations are not good enough for you, then you owe it to yourself to do what's best for you.
Good luck!
I found your reply bit practical and serious one.
We had conversation about it today over the net and text msgs. And i tried to convey him I really dont feel comfortable with his this demand.
What he says is again something I cant deny. He is 34 now and he actually have had a very active sexual life. Since we are in relationship ( that is one year time) He has been faithful (which i feel too) and not really having any physical or emotional relationship with anyone.
He is always in touch with me most of the times.....wont sleep unless talk to me at night and that too on a vdo call. I cant doubt his loyalty because of amount of time he spends talking to me. He cant get time for someone else . He is living all by him self...so he has no restrictions to go for any other girl.
Now his point is this that he has physical and emotional needs....and he want to feel loved. So there should be no harm giving me kisses or give some small teasers. It keeps the relationship alive ( for men ). Physical part does matter alot And specially when he sees me he really get SEXCITED ( the exact word he uses for it :-S ) and want these HARMLESS things. and this that he is not seeing anyone else for the matter....so with whom he should do all these things? I reminded him that we are getting engaged anyway in a month or so so what we can do we should go for nikah and later we can have everything we want. He Said....OK....but what until one month? ? ? :-S
And after Nikah you may make me ask to wait for Rukhasti....
that is really weird and for the first time I am gonna sleep without seeing him online because I am really kind of pissed off on this. And told that I cant do this....if he is that frustrated he should find some one night stand. i wont mind that :-s :-s
Besides this.....he is really very caring and loving. I would not like losing him if he stop bullying about this specific thing.
Can any married women tell me that physical desires can over come men's emotions at times, ????
What I see is he is really desperate at times and would not allow me to sleep and would watch me for hours. (simple cam chats)
Is he desperate or what? :-s i am unable to understand.
If its flirt...he can find someone there as well...why long distance relationship? :-s
Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
I have a feeling that if you do get engaged to this guy, he is going to expect much more from you between the engagement and nikah/rukhsati.
The fact that he turned things around on you...by implying/asking whether you don't want him to be happy...that is a red flag too.
Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
** I have a liberal life style I am outgoing/ have male friendz and I smoke also. I would go travelling to any country all alone....these things made him think that I can do anything crappy? or he is just playing so far? all my friends females/males they tell me I have got a great sense of humor and at times i crack funny adult jokes and would comment with dual meanings.....is this all taken as i am "ready to be taken for granted" ? **
Surprise......?
No it does not mean that you "should be taken for granted" but I don't blame him for thinking it was an acceptable request from you. I think once you're in a relationship with someone and comfortable with the other person.....these things pop up (no pun intended :D)....but you definitely dont' have to comply if you don't feel comfortable.
I wouldn't advise anything of that sort until you were married :)
If, all other factors considered, he's a decent guy....just talk to him about your boundaries and depending on how he acts afterwards, you should decide to dump him or not...
Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
He's turning things on you instead of accepting and apologizing for his mistake. He would be a very demanding fiancee, let me tell you that for sure. If you can keep up with such a routine, that's fine. If you're not comfortable with it, you need to tell him straight up. He might stop asking you for "teasers" now, but he will definitely want to see more than just teasers after the engagement.
At that age, (34), I would understand his needs, but things are just gona get worst, he would want to see more and more every single time. The ball is in your court. Good luck.
Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
no offense, but you will get the treatment of a **** if you tell em that you are liberal.
ps. If i were a decent guy, and knowing that you are liberal i wouldn't even proceed dating you to begin with. So to get a decent guy you need to first prove that you deserve one.
Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
lolz....what era you are talking about?
Bing liberal doesn mean I'd be sleeping with guys....I still see so many liberal girls getting very nice decent partners.
It all depends whats you definition of Liberal ...
Anyway...Thank You for your thoughts.
though I wont consider it...am happy being what I am and cant pretend Mulaani just to get some decent guy...lolz
Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
Seriously. I hate those faek girls who pretend to be all religious and shareef....when they're really not.
Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
I found your reply bit practical and serious one.
We had conversation about it today over the net and text msgs. And i tried to convey him I really dont feel comfortable with his this demand. What he says is again something I cant deny. He is 34 now and he actually have had a very active sexual life. Since we are in relationship ( that is one year time) He has been faithful (which i feel too) and not really having any physical or emotional relationship with anyone.
He is always in touch with me most of the times.....wont sleep unless talk to me at night and that too on a vdo call. I cant doubt his loyalty because of amount of time he spends talking to me. He cant get time for someone else . He is living all by him self...so he has no restrictions to go for any other girl.
Now his point is this that he has physical and emotional needs....and he want to feel loved. So there should be no harm giving me kisses or give some small teasers. It keeps the relationship alive ( for men ). Physical part does matter alot And specially when he sees me he really get SEXCITED ( the exact word he uses for it :-S ) and want these HARMLESS things. and this that he is not seeing anyone else for the matter....so with whom he should do all these things? I reminded him that we are getting engaged anyway in a month or so so what we can do we should go for nikah and later we can have everything we want. He Said....OK....but what until one month? ? ? :-S
And after Nikah you may make me ask to wait for Rukhasti....
that is really weird and for the first time I am gonna sleep without seeing him online because I am really kind of pissed off on this. And told that I cant do this....if he is that frustrated he should find some one night stand. i wont mind that :-s :-s
Besides this.....he is really very caring and loving. I would not like losing him if he stop bullying about this specific thing.
Can any married women tell me that physical desires can over come men's emotions at times, ???? What I see is he is really desperate at times and would not allow me to sleep and would watch me for hours. (simple cam chats)
Is he desperate or what? :-s i am unable to understand. If its flirt...he can find someone there as well...why long distance relationship? :-s
He's talking crap. People who are genuinely interested in marriage can wait... please do not do any of those things he's asking you to. He might even be a sicko who gets a kick out of getting girls to do these things over the internet.... you never know. What if he records your video calls or something and blackmails you later. Tell him any physical stuff is happening only after marriage, if he can wait that long... fine.
Otherwise stop talking to him, get out of this relationship as fast as you can.
Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
Seriously. I hate those faek girls who pretend to be all religious and shareef....when they're really not.
Neither do i...
I would prefer being a snobbish ***** then a pretending mulaani.
Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
He's talking crap. People who are genuinely interested in marriage can wait... please do not do any of those things he's asking you to. He might even be a sicko who gets a kick out of getting girls to do these things over the internet.... you never know. What if he records your video calls or something and blackmails you later. Tell him any physical stuff is happening only after marriage, if he can wait that long... fine. Otherwise stop talking to him, get out of this relationship as fast as you can.
Yea girl....am keeping all these aspects in view.
hope to get over with this soon :-)
Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
So actually girls....I have dumped this guy after a long conversation.
I asked him to opt between me and Desires. and his answer was as expected.
Hope never to ReConnect .
Am single and ready to mingle again....what a pity :-( :-P
lolzzzzzzzz
Thank you all for your advices......
I was not expecting this all ....at this speed. It was quick :-S
Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
yeah quite too quick. chalo taraweeh parho.
Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
yeah quite too quick. chalo taraweeh parho.
Time is money...and money should not be wasted like this :-P
emotions are investment so we should invest in something worth it ;-)
Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
From your story, he's definitely playing around, though I can't say for sure that he's just playing around and isn't also serious.
Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
mitti dalo, what a loser. Obviously, time pass kar raha tha, was probably not serious and might have ghaseetofy the engagement too, such people even get engaged to pass time.... weirdos.
Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
Good for you! Finally we have a young poster who actually listens and makes a sensible decision. yayy
Ps..take a break. Take time to self-reflect. Don't rush into mingling again.
Re: Is he Serious or just playing around?
Thank you dear..