Wanted to ask you this question & if some good suggestion can be given in the light of Islam specially:
If husband is not happy with his wife over all (due to her attitude, cross cultural things, carelessness, spend thrift, not taking care of home the way a wife should, not much bothered abt husband needs etc etc), he is not attracted towards her physically, though she is not ugly or something, he doesnt want to share bed with her, it is like torture for him since he doesnt like her to begin with, doesnt want to have any kids with her any more, he is at a stage where he can fell for infidelity because he is missing a big part in his life, that is that he doesnt have the peace of good matrimonial life.
he is living it from last 7yrs or so and trying to keep it intact because 1st: it was his decision to marry her and his parents or any elders were not involved. he didnt marry her out of love but had some favors from her family, he was obliged and hence. 2ndly he keeps telling himself to adjust as this is his family and he should be committed. but in reality it is getting hard for him to remain committed any more. 3rdly they have 1 kid.
So In such case, is Divorce permissible? Can husband divorce his wife? Also what if, the wife doesnt want the divorce? She would not want it because this is her 2nd marriage, has one kid from each marriage, plus she is in her late 30s, so would be difficult for her to remarry 3rd time. please note that this is also one reason for husband too, like he feel sympathy for her that she will have prob getting remarried if he divorces her.
One more thing, the guy is around 6-7 yrs younger to his wife.
What can be the best suggestion for this couple? They had tried to reconcile in past, had major fights, got separated for few yrs, then reunited because family elders/friends came in between & told them to give it a try again.
Is 2nd marriage an option without giving her a divorce?
The reasons that you gave, are good enough islamically for a couple to go for a divorce however he will get more sawab if he does not give divorce (just my take).
bring younger wife on board, and keep first in nikkah too. a win-win situation for both, as they both understand that it is not a good match, but it was guy who sacrificed a lot.
No, I am not. What op described, I responded accordingly, plus I didnt advice to divorce, but if her first wife doesnt want to accept the idea of second wife then divorce is not an excluded option.
the first and foremost condition of having another wife is that both wives be treated fairly and as equals.
Do you think this man can do that? He can’t stand to be in the same bed as her - with another wife he’ll be all the more not interested.
So husband ka problem solved lekin biwi bechari pari raha in a corner?
Doesnt she have a right to be loved and wanted and plain old appreciated?
Why should she stay in a love -less marriage?
If he isn't physically attracted to her at all and didn't like her to begin with. Why did he get married to her in the first place? She got like all the faults there can be, poor husband...doesn't seem like excuses at all. But yeah, should be better to divorce her instead of hurting her emotionally by acting all disgusted.
He sympathizes with her right? So why can't they work on thier differences.
Obviously she's not perfect and neither is he.
But there seems to be a common ground there.
Is 2nd marriage an option without giving her a divorce?
The reasons that you gave, are good enough islamically for a couple to go for a divorce however he will get more sawab if he does not give divorce (just my take).
Yes 2nd marriage is an option but this time he would want to marry someone from his own tribe/caste. reason he has seen cross culture marriage and he is kind of scared now. He can find a gal easily, since he is young and financially stable but it would be difficult to have a gal of his choice who and whose family will accept him with his first wife. (many families would not prefer such an arrangement.)
Secondly, he says he wont be able to keep justice between both wives, which is required if he follows Islamic rule. He can provide her financially, but not more than that.
Secondly, he says he wont be able to keep justice between both wives, which is required if he follows Islamic rule. He can provide her financially, but not more than that.
Please read my post number 11. If first wife is ok with no physical relationship, then its ok. There will be no burden on him
The rights of a wife don't start and end on the bed.
Prophet M (PBUH) didnt dislike his wife for the above mentioned reasons.
She was loved in other ways I'm sure if not physically.
Yara mujai tum Prophet M (PBUH) jaisai mard dikao and I'm all for multiple wives, lekin aaj kaal key baandai and baandiya don't have the zauq in them to be able to deal with multiple wives properly and Islamically.
There is nothing Un-Islamic about the arrangement if they can remain married even if he spends night with younger wife only
Hazrat Soda, because of her older age, gave her night turn to Hazrat Aisha, but chose to remain married to prophet :SAW2:
I have read about Hazrat Soda and Hazrat Aisha. but that was when Hazrat Soda gave this right to Aisha by her own will. In this guy's case, the wife is not so kind. She is someone who can create disturbance in her husband and his new wife's life.
Secondly, he says he wont be able to keep justice between both wives, which is required if he follows Islamic rule. He can provide her financially, but not more than that.
I dont understand - so he claims that he cant have a physical relationship with the 2nd wife and doesnt want to be with you?
lekin aaj kaal key baandai and baandiya don't have the zauq in them to be able to deal with multiple wives properly and Islamically.
I know I know, main kab inkaar ker rahaa hoon. I was just thinking because current wife has 2 kids, and she is already in late 30's, maybe hubby's 2nd marriage is better option than divorce.
I have read about Hazrat Soda and Hazrat Aisha. but that was when Hazrat Soda gave this right to Aisha by her own will. In this guy's case, the wife is not so kind. She is someone who can create disturbance in her husband and his new wife's life.
He sympathizes with her right? So why can't they work on thier differences.
Obviously she's not perfect and neither is he.
But there seems to be a common ground there.
Definitely no one is perfect. but sympathy se kaam bhi nahin chalta. they did work on their differences, but i think they are not mentally compatible at all.
