Do people like those are quiet and shy? I am asking this because I by nature am quiet and very shy. I have hard time holding conversations as I don’t know what to talk about, and I usually go blank. O yeah I know I just don’t have a good sense of humor. That’s just how I am, but the problem is sometimes I feel terrible about myself that why am I not outgoing and a jolly person. I am afraid people won’t like me because of these traits. But then I think of changing myself, but I really can’t do it. So is it possible that people especially my inlaws will still like me if I am very quiet and reserved? Or should I start forcing myself to change?
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
Some people like shy/quiet/reserved people. Find those people who appreciate those qualities. Bas.
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
Do people like those are quiet and shy? I am asking this because I by nature am quiet and very shy. I have hard time holding conversations as I don't know what to talk about, and I usually go blank. O yeah I know I just don't have a good sense of humor. That's just how I am, but the problem is sometimes I feel terrible about myself that why am I not outgoing and a jolly person. I am afraid people won't like me because of these traits. But then I think of changing myself, but I really can't do it. So is it possible that people especially my inlaws will still like me if I am very quiet and reserved? Or should I start forcing myself to change?
There's nothing wrong with quiet or shy people at all, so yes people will like you. However, the fact that you can't hold conversations is a point that should be worked on. I have been in your position and used to be incredibly shy and reserved almost to the point where I could not talk to anyone except for a few friends and immediate family. However, over the years this is overcome naturally as the person grows wiser and more worldly wise. My reserved-ness was down to a few (personal) issues, which I identified and then worked towards overcoming them. Maybe you should do the same? Identify any personal reasons (which if there are any) and work towards overcoming them. Are you shy and reserved because your scared about what people will think of you? One word of advice, F*** them. Who cares what people think, only do things that you want and enjoy yourself. That's what I did. And in relation to your in laws, well they are your in laws because they like you (they chose you didn't they?) so don't worry about that. Id say that if your a guy especially (sorry cant tell from your name) then you should be more confident and outgoing. However if you feel that you absolutely cannot change yourself, then just pretend in front of other people that your are outgoing and confident. In time you will get used to it and your shyness will be a thing of the past. Hope this helps.
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
Is there any guarantee of that if you gonna changes yourself for yours ‘in-laws’, then they’ll gonna like it? ‘Likes’, what? ‘You’ or the ‘changing in you’? Be as you are and like yourself as you are. It is a God gifted thing and be thankful to your Lord.
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Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
There's nothing wrong with quiet or shy people at all, so yes people will like you. However, the fact that you can't hold conversations is a point that should be worked on. I have been in your position and used to be incredibly shy and reserved almost to the point where I could not talk to anyone except for a few friends and immediate family. However, over the years this is overcome naturally as the person grows wiser and more worldly wise. My reserved-ness was down to a few (personal) issues, which I identified and then worked towards overcoming them. Maybe you should do the same? Identify any personal reasons (which if there are any) and work towards overcoming them. Are you shy and reserved because your scared about what people will think of you? One word of advice, F*** them. Who cares what people think, only do things that you want and enjoy yourself. That's what I did. And in relation to your in laws, well they are your in laws because they like you (they chose you didn't they?) so don't worry about that. Id say that if your a guy especially (sorry cant tell from your name) then you should be more confident and outgoing. However if you feel that you absolutely cannot change yourself, then just pretend in front of other people that your are outgoing and confident. In time you will get used to it and your shyness will be a thing of the past. Hope this helps.
Thanks for the advice. I have always been shy even to the point that I don't even have lengthy conversations with family members. Just what's necessary to get by. And yes I am very afraid of what people will think about me and also afraid of doing and saying the wrong things.
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
I can relate....I use to be, and still am like that to some extent. Sometimes it's just a matter of finding people who you can relate to. It's not always easy to relate to older people. Say you are well educated, and have grown up in a completely different society than your parents, than yeah there is a gap. It's going to be hard to talk to them.
Since it is hard for me to talk to my parent's sometimes, I do my best to respect their decisions that they make. I always ask for their permission when going out somewhere or doing something important. Small talk doesn't go very smooth. But I guess with my dad I can talk about things like my education and what my plans are, etc.
I don't have any doubt in my heart that I don't love my parents. I would do anything for them, but hard to carry a convo at times.
If you feel like you don't have a good sense of humor, than try your best to show you have a good heart. I try my best to help my parents in whatever activities they are doing around the house. That could be hard to do sometimes, esp with studies. But do try.
With brothers/sisters, its a bit easier. They have had some experiences you are going through, so it would be okay to talk to them about your day. My younger brother talks a lot more to be me about day-to-day stuff than he does with my parents. But he's a goofball, and somehow can still make my parents laugh. :-)
As far as in laws go, I can just tell you what I have learned. Don't gossip with them about anyone, or gossip about them with anyone else. Oh yeah and if you are engaged, don't get too personal into issues like finances. Other than that, talk about the kids at their household, what they eat/cook, how the schools are where they live, what their routine is like, how the atmosphere is their country/neighborhood, and you should be okay. It shouldn't be too much of a problem. I realized most of the times, it's the in-laws that do most of the talking.
Luckily, my mother is law is really easy going. She jokes a lot, and I joke back with her, but still, wouldn't cross limits.
Someone mentioned earlier, just F it all. It's hard for me to do that. I care a lot about what people around me think.
And one last thing, don't worry at all about being shy and quite.A lot of times it is a really good thing. Limits are kept, and you are less likely to get yourself in trouble because of your mouth. :)
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
You need to have an I don't give a **** attitude. Let ppl think of u how they want. I used to be shy but once I changed my attitude, I was the one leading conversations. Just be happy with what you are. If you need, there are plenty of online resources to help you with social skills. Being quiet is ok, but only if you are quiet by choice, not if you just don't know how to open up.
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
You need to get out more dude. Make friends with like-minded people. I can't imagine being shy or quiet..it suffocates me.
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
It's completely okay to be quiet and shy by nature. Being an introvert is not a bad thing. In fact, you'll probably get yourself into a lot less trouble by speaking less :)
However, I'm not questioning your confidence or self-esteem - but its very important to be able to hold a conversation. I'm also quite shy and quiet by nature, but I haven't had trouble keeping up with a conversation. I've had trouble with wanting to talk. Sounds weird I know. Sometimes in group settings, I become disinterested in the talk and tend to zone out. I didn't realize that this habit was offensive to others. So I tried some different techniques and here is what I do. If that conversation doesn't interest you, divert to a topic that does. If you don't like to do the talking, ask questions instead. People love being asked questions about themselves, such as, 'what were you up to today?', 'how was work?', 'what are you studying in school?', etc; And the other person will do the talking :P But this way you are showing interest in the other person and learning at the same time. Social interaction is crucial and not limited to just social gatherings, but also in the academic and work environments.
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
oh, and to answer your first question - yes people do like shy and quiet people :) My husband's an introvert as well and we both love each other :) haha, alhamdulillah!
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
You are who you are. Please don't change for ANYONE.
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
As long as you are confident in yourself OP others opinions shouldn't matter. If you attempt to change for others it's a slippery slope and it's neverending.
I don't like talking to strangers about my life etc and most of the time I'm branded as rude/nakre because I don't feel the desire to talk about family planning situ with random aunts. It's not my problem the way they think of vice versa; what's important is you are comfortable with your communication and who you are as a person.
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
thanks everyone for the suggestions. Yes talking less has always kept me out of trouble. People like me in the sense that they know I dont go behind their backs and gossip about them. But I do get this indication indirectly that I am not able to handle and judge people, so it's very easy for anyone to deceive me. And thought of people deceiving me bothers me alot. Another reason I feel I am not able to hold conversations is that I feel I dont have sufficient knowledge about any topic and I am have the bad habit of letting others prove me wrong.
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
Do people like those are quiet and shy? I am asking this because I by nature am quiet and very shy. I have hard time holding conversations as I don't know what to talk about, and I usually go blank. O yeah I know I just don't have a good sense of humor. That's just how I am, but the problem is sometimes I feel terrible about myself that why am I not outgoing and a jolly person. I am afraid people won't like me because of these traits. But then I think of changing myself, but I really can't do it. So is it possible that people especially my inlaws will still like me if I am very quiet and reserved? Or should I start forcing myself to change?
No, you don't have to change your self.
But its very, very important that you are happy all the time. Reason is, people who talk can whine to other people when
some thing bother them, when they are sad.
Shy/quiet people don't.
That can be a very worrying trait for some one who cares about you. quiet people never a hit with shirks doc etc..
Once you have some one you can share things with it would much safer being you :D
Till then be happy, find some way to express.. enjoy etc....
Bottom line, handle your self carefully. :)
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
shy people face alot of problem, and quiet ppl face more, thats all
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
Being quite is a blessing, the ability to keep your mouth shut is a good quality, not reason for humiliation.
I wouldn't worry about it too much.
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
No one will like you if you don't like yourself and from the sounds of it, you have a few hangups about your own personality. Be yourself, learn to love yourself, and learn to become a better person. Everything else will fall into place. If people STILL don't like you, then it's their loss and they can go jump in a lake.
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
Be as you are and like yourself as you are. It is a God gifted thing and be thankful to your Lord.
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
thanks everyone
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
Do people like those are quiet and shy? I am asking this because I by nature am quiet and very shy. I have hard time holding conversations as I don't know what to talk about, and I usually go blank. O yeah I know I just don't have a good sense of humor. That's just how I am, but the problem is sometimes I feel terrible about myself that why am I not outgoing and a jolly person. I am afraid people won't like me because of these traits. But then I think of changing myself, but I really can't do it. So is it possible that people especially my inlaws will still like me if I am very quiet and reserved? Or should I start forcing myself to change?
Some like quiet and reserved people and others like extroverts. You are product of your environment. You should be who you are and not what others want you to be. You can slowly learn to come out of your shell, but you cannot be what you are not. If you want to change then you can make an effort to start and results will be slow and it will be hard but it will get easier as time goes on and as you start to make progress.