Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
There's nothing wrong with quiet and shy. But sometimes, in the desi-world of in-laws, unfortunately that quickly translates into cold and withdrawn because your quietness can easily alienate new people around you. As long as you can be a warm, caring person along with being quiet and shy you shouldn't have a problem.
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
Don't be talkative but don't be reclusive either. You can't succeed in life without being a moderate.
If you think being quiet might be hurting you then it IS hurting you.
Don't even think that you can not change yourself. Because if you can't when you need it then you will be a Loser. And you don't wanna be that.
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
No one will like you if you don't like yourself and from the sounds of it, you have a few hangups about your own personality. Be yourself, learn to love yourself, and learn to become a better person. Everything else will fall into place. If people STILL don't like you, then it's their loss and they can go jump in a lake.
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Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
No I think its wonderful thing as long as you are not afraid to break a smile every now and then, that way you won't come across as cold or withdrawn. I personally find shy and quiet people very endearing and quite likable if they have a genuinely friendly face which I'm sure you do.
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
I know how you feel.. I've always been shy and quiet as well. Growing up, we used to have a lot of gatherings with my parent's friends and the kids were never in my age group.. they were either 5 years older or 5 years younger. It really affected me since there were times where I wouldn't utter a single word the whole night even though I was surrounded by so many people who were yapping away. I was basically a loner and would come home feeling miserable and upset.. I've really dreaded being in social settings since then.
Now that I've gone through university and started a job, it is getting better since I am exposed to more people and it is easier in the workplace since you mainly discuss work, not necessarily yourself so it helps develop confidence. It is definitely a battle though and I don't think many people realize that going out into social settings for us is a huge battle. What's worse is the discouragement you get when you sit in a group of people and you actually manage to say something, but someone says "you're so quiet! why don't you talk?!?!" It seems like all of my efforts go to waste -_-
I don't plan on changing and I believe that's perfectly okay.. can you imagine a talkative and outgoing person changing into a quiet and shy person? It's very difficult and not worth it if you are just trying to please people. Just keep a small circle of people around you who care about you and just focus on being confident. :)
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
Peace zabarjud
Oh there are other ways to make people appreciate you ... Like for example just sitting in their presence looking happy and attentive. If you can't initiate conversation then perhaps you can at least be there to respond ... It is always good to be a welcoming host thorough your attention not necessarily your verbosity ...
secondly, you can channel your effort towards niceties like extra effort in presentation of yourself, gifts for others, decorating food, and people will see your form of communication being done in a way that is different to speaking ...
I hope this helps ...
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
Do people like those are quiet and shy? I am asking this because I by nature am quiet and very shy. I have hard time holding conversations as I don't know what to talk about, and I usually go blank. O yeah I know I just don't have a good sense of humor. That's just how I am, but the problem is sometimes I feel terrible about myself that why am I not outgoing and a jolly person. I am afraid people won't like me because of these traits. But then I think of changing myself, but I really can't do it. So is it possible that people especially my inlaws will still like me if I am very quiet and reserved? Or should I start forcing myself to change?
I'm willing to bet some of the wittiest and most intelligent posters on this site are very quiet and shy in actual social settings. Less you speak the more you can hear. So yes, people including myself do like quiet and shy people - their thoughts are far more developed in general.
Re: Is being quiet and shy a humiliating trait
I know how you feel.. I've always been shy and quiet as well. Growing up, we used to have a lot of gatherings with my parent's friends and the kids were never in my age group.. they were either 5 years older or 5 years younger. It really affected me since there were times where I wouldn't utter a single word the whole night even though I was surrounded by so many people who were yapping away. I was basically a loner and would come home feeling miserable and upset.. I've really dreaded being in social settings since then.
Now that I've gone through university and started a job, it is getting better since I am exposed to more people and it is easier in the workplace since you mainly discuss work, not necessarily yourself so it helps develop confidence. It is definitely a battle though and I don't think many people realize that going out into social settings for us is a huge battle. What's worse is the discouragement you get when you sit in a group of people and you actually manage to say something, but someone says "you're so quiet! why don't you talk?!?!" It seems like all of my efforts go to waste -_-
I don't plan on changing and I believe that's perfectly okay.. can you imagine a talkative and outgoing person changing into a quiet and shy person? It's very difficult and not worth it if you are just trying to please people. Just keep a small circle of people around you who care about you and just focus on being confident. :)
Yeah I been in the same situation as you. I always wanted a friend or a cousin of same age as me, but unfortunately all cousins and family friends were too young. And I don't know how this idea was instilled into me that my friends had to be desi and Muslims. So even in school, I didn't manage to make friends. There were no desis and Muslims. Even though now that I have realized that this doesn't have to be like this, but I can't even make friendships with desis because they are all westernized. I find it very hard to bind with people now. i mean it always has to be the other person who has to make the effort to open me up, and then i am all comfortable with them. buti cant take this step. Myself. So this thought comes up that maybe being shy and quiet is the reason why I don't have friends and feel lonely, but there might be some other reasons too.
Read a lot and know a lot to diversify your knowledge. This will give you confidence to jump into discussions about the issues you have good knowledge about. Over time, as your thinking abilities expand, you will gain more confidence to jump into discussions on topics on which you have less knowledge. You seem to be an intelligent person and it is just a matter of short time before people will look at your for your opinion. All the best.