Thank you all for providing insight into the situation.
For those who have been commenting on the fact that I noted that my friend is a SAHM..yes I did, but that is nothing for anyone to take offense to or create an issue of my words when there IS no issue. Yes, I noted she is a SAHM simply to demonstrate that my friend is NOT juggling a career in addition to being a mom to a newborn which would obviously excuse her from forgetting to respond. I was simply providing context into the situation in that she is a full time SAHM and that, from my view, surely that would mean she can take a couple of minutes to respond. In the same way I have a full time career but can definitely take a couple of minutes to respond to a text. My line of inquiry was whether a new mom REALLY doesn’t have two minutes to text back when being a mom is her full time job, in the same way my full time job DOES allow me to get back to people. Since I am obviously not a mother yet I was trying to ascertain whether I have missed something here and should be more sympathetic and understanding to her situation- that’s all.
A new mom really doesn’t have 2 mins. I remember my day were spend feeding, changing diapers, putting baby to sleep, taking him out for fresh air, b’feeding, pumping milk right after the feed, trying to make a dinner before hubby gets home, try to get a shower somewhere in b/w, washing poopy clothes before putting them for laundry, etc etc. It was a never ending cycle.
Yes, I had days when I had to wake up at 3am, change a poppy diaper, baby clothes, change the crib sheet, wash them, as he decided a big explosion was fun at 3am.
It is very exhausting and over whelming no matter you are a first time mom or 2nd/3rd.
I don’t remember getting much on my pH, etc.
However, you did the right thing by canceling her appointment.
The day a “full time job” becomes a full time job the way motherhood is one, especially for a newbie mom in initial stages, people would realize no amount of money is worth it because you just won’t get time to spend that salary.
I began working after a year of baby and even now, baby demands more time than any amount of work does. You cannot cannot and never do put your baby on the back burner. You cannot say, I’ll reply now and pick up wailing baby later. You sometimes just cannot get a moment. And it is okay that you may not get this and the closest comparison you find to mommydom is your full time job. Just like the closest comparison to labor for a guy may be getting kicked in the nutters perhaps or passing a big one :P.
But while your full time job has SOME timing where you can say, ok I have 5 hours to myself in 24 I can now sleep in peace (boss isn’t crying on your head at any given moment), young babies don’t give you that leeway. So even in sleep you are alert.
May I just add, in most places a full time job means 9-5 or to give you more slack, 7-8 or 9 pm. Either way, you get “off” during the day or the week for some hours. The full time job of a mother is a true definition of FULL time. So much so that your own basic needs, sleeping and eating and sometimes even going to the loo even if you REALLY need to go, are put off for hours until you are spared a moment. And one generally keeps gadgets away from babies who may hurl or drool over them and such.
Oh for god’s sake, defensive much?! Who said it was the same thing? How on earth do you expect someone without kids to be able to understand?You can’t. And that was the point of my thread- to determine whether I should be cutting said friend some slack and getting the opinions of mothers out there to gain an insight into what it’s really like.
In the same way I highly doubt you would be able to understand my career because you don’t live it.
I don’t debate that. THIS thread has nothing to do with what a SAHM does or does not do vs a working woman. It was simply- does a mom have 2 mins to respond to a text or not?
THIS is helpful, thank you I understand a bit better (I think) why she may have gotten side tracked, however, it was over 2 weeks and is would think she would have found a moment to respond but never mind I will do my best to be more understanding to her situation.
It does sound full on! But at the same time, I think raising your child and being at home with it for all the important moments would be incredibly special at my workplace there is a woman who had 2 kids within a couple of years of each other and was back at work 6 months after having each baby! I feel like you would just be missing out on all the moments by doing that.
It is full on but it is the most fulfilling experience ever. I would personally think that you should spend the first year with your babies if your career plan can give you that leeway. Because year one is so special.
OP as for your initial question, babycare varies. Mommies CAN find moments but it varies depending on age of baby, prior mommy experience and respective personalities of both mommy and child. But mostly, the early months, first two or three are super demanding for a first time mom especially. She doesn’t know what to expect hence cannot commit here or there. Also, baby, any baby will wake soon as stomach is empty and since it is a tiny stomach, it empties within two hours. Before that baby can wake simply cos stomach hurts, feels cold, feels warm, has pooed, has peed, wants snuggles, anything. And babies have a different sleep pattern than adults. Babies can sleep well regardless of waking ten times in an hour. Each time they doze off again it’s deep good sleep in bursts. Adults can’t. Hence for the first three months at the very least, most mommies are sleep deprived zombies. Possibly why she was encouraged by said people in her house who are helping her to go to the spa
So answering if she had two minutes to respond to you, if she was in the first three months and she was a first time mom, then as an unbiased observer who has some perspective in this regard, I would say she perhaps did NOT have time. But if she was say in month four of baby and had settled somewhat then she does most likely have the faculties of mind to respond and perhaps it just got shoved to the back burner for whatever reason. Either way, it is an isolated incident, don’t take it to heart.
So that’s a bit more perspective for you.
You are fairly young. 26. I think it is a great time to begin thinking of and planning a baby within the next two years. You want to be young enough to enjoy it. You asked about having babies before 30. There is scientific evidence supporting the decision to have babies prior to 30. You need to factor in the year of pregnancy so at the very least if you aim for 30 cutoff, you need to be preggers by 29. I’d say, do visit your gynae and get informed. These days conceiving is such an issue. Get preconception advice. There are many modifications you can make months and months prior to lifestyle which are good for baby (whenever he/she comes) and great for you as a mom and as a person. Do look into those!
well very honestly if I was at your place I would have called my friend if I don’t get reply from her before cancelling the appointment, but this is just my way if I don’t get reply before doing anything I do make final call it just take 2 mins to ask on fone.
mzprincess: you seem to be randomly bringing the SAHM issue into your thread again, and when people are addressing it you’re defending yourself saying this thread has got nothing to do with that. As Khatti pointed out earlier - you’ve mentioned it in your OP that your friend is a SAHM who has never worked before - that by default is bringing this whole argument into the thread again, albeit unnecessary information to your problem.
Anyway, regarding your question, I agree with what most others have said to cut your friend some slack. My sister is a mum of 3 and in her spare time she likes to have a shower lol - she never gets spare time and often calls me and my sister round to watch the kids just so she can wash her hair! It’s not easy. But don’t you think texting back is also dependent on individuals? I know people who are rubbish with their phones, regardless of what they do during the day - they won’t get back to you immediately so you know you have to either call them or just don’t bother contacting! If she was like that pre-baby then maybe it’s just her habit.
Another point others have already mentioned is just that she may have checked the message and made a mental note to reply back in a bit… and then just forgot. I often do that too so it’s no biggie.
Mizprincess, I have no regrets on the decisions I made, be it staying at home or working as I have done both. I cherish every moment I spend with my child. The purpose of my post was to give a brief preview what the day looks like for most of the mothers of young children, especially infants and toddlers.
Hey yah. I completely understand what u jang by sahm. You were just giving us deep context of the situation.
When my baby was born i had my 2 sisters n parents to help out 24\7. I was living wild them and still i was exhausted cuz the oil one refused to sleep at night, he had reflux so student sleep due to milk coming up, he had really long and exhausting crying episodes at night and other stuff. I barely slept and to reply to a txt was my least priority. Still is. I prefer fone call. Its more immediate. N ext time call her.
But yeah baby is a lot of work no matter how much help. N they say babies sleep more never slept like that. Still is a light sleeper. Around of eye blinking..if t here is such a thing used to wake him up.lol light sleeper so fine was silent and always misplaced.
Ps. I was up till 4am yesterday…baby # 2 was practicing late night yoga. When I think, I had just fallen asleep, baby # 1 said “this”, “mama, dudu”. Before I know, we were all out of the bed.
I understand a bit better (I think) why she may have gotten side tracked, however, it was over 2 weeks and is would think she would have found a moment to respond but never mind I will do my best to be more understanding to her situation.
