Why is that? Why don’t desis like opinionated girls? A girl is not to express her opinions in front of family guests, it is considered rude.. 
I was at my fiance’s place, he had some guests coming over. He told me beforehand to keep my voice down (or better yet not talk at all) and just quitely sit there looking like a doll. WTH?
I am opinionated but I am not disrespectful but somehow our Desi culture fails to know the difference, why?
Re: Intolerance Towards Opinionated Girls in Desi Culture
people like women to be " allah mian ki gaye / cow " esp if the woman happens to be wife or bahu
Why is that? Why don't desis like opinionated girls?......
This must be your own baseless opinion. :P
Re: Intolerance Towards Opinionated Girls in Desi Culture
^Baseless? Hardly! I just provided one mild example of how desis are so intolerant towards opinionated girls out of a million there are...
Re: Intolerance Towards Opinionated Girls in Desi Culture
^ You are so opinionated. I dont like you. :P
P.S. Me a desi.
Re: Intolerance Towards Opinionated Girls in Desi Culture
Women belong in the kitchen or in the bedroom. Even the talking is not necessary! :D
I am opinionated but I like to keep my opinions to myself in formal gatherings. (unless its a formal professional gathering that calls for views n opinions).
We have plenty of guests over who say all sorts of things that I disagree with but, as my mom advises, I keep my mouth shut. And I don't feel oppressed by mom telling me to behave myself infront of guests.
Why should I argue with them if I'm gonna be meeting them like once every year? And its a daawat, not a debate. There's a time n place for that.
So I just listen n smile. Mehmaan Allah ki rehmat hota hai. Chup reh kar izzat karne se or behave karne se sawaab he mille ga koi zindagi tabaah nahin ho jaye gi. So chill.
I am opinionated but I like to keep my opinions to myself in formal gatherings. (unless its a formal professional gathering that calls for views n opinions).
We have plenty of guests over who say all sorts of things that I disagree with but, as my mom advises, I keep my mouth shut. And I don't feel oppressed by mom telling me to behave myself infront of guests.
Why should I argue with them if I'm gonna be meeting them like once every year? And its a daawat, not a debate. There's a time n place for that.
So I just listen n smile. Mehmaan Allah ki rehmat hota hai. Chup reh kar izzat karne se or behave karne se sawaab he mille ga koi zindagi tabaah nahin ho jaye gi. So chill.
Bravo!
Re: Intolerance Towards Opinionated Girls in Desi Culture
same thing happened to me just a couple of weeks ago. We had guests over and were talking about something. Hubby stated his opinion on something, I totally disagreed with it (just gave ppl my opinion). Later he said it was very disrespectful, I was so shocked. I wasn't rude nor did i argue with him. Also, I should state that I'm not an opinionated person at all unless it comes to some issues. I am usually very quiet in gatherings. I guess maybe he thought it was strange since I'm not like that at all. Anyways, do you guys think it's rude to disagree with your hubby in front of others?
Re: Intolerance Towards Opinionated Girls in Desi Culture
^i guess so. our society dusnt permit women to argue and be opinionated let alone with husband???? faint and that too in public.... no way... it is considered disrespectful!!! its the way we are, sadly. those who say that opinionated girls are tolerated in pak community are soooo wrong. last time i checked ppl in pak still think typically.. ok alrite, dun kill me for generalising. i mean there ARE an educated and smart lot in Pak now, no doubt, but majority is the same and u CANT fight the majority.. as they say "when in minority join the majority". bitter truth but wot to do.. :(
Its not rude to disagree with spouse in gatherings but sometimes you have to evaluate the situation/discussion and gathering and then decide to pitch it and it applies to both husband and wife
same thing happened to me just a couple of weeks ago. We had guests over and were talking about something. Hubby stated his opinion on something, I totally disagreed with it (just gave ppl my opinion). Later he said it was very disrespectful, I was so shocked. I wasn't rude nor did i argue with him. Also, I should state that I'm not an opinionated person at all unless it comes to some issues. I am usually very quiet in gatherings. I guess maybe he thought it was strange since I'm not like that at all. Anyways, do you guys think it's rude to disagree with your hubby in front of others?
First of all nobody likes opinionated people. Opinionated is a negative term.
Here is the dictionary definition of opinionated from Opinionated - Definition and More from the Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary
“: unduly adhering to one’s own opinion or to preconceived notions”
Khair English is our fathery zuban not mothery zuban , everybody makes mistakes. I do too.
In desi community in general having opinion and then expressing it in public requires lots of courage and guts. On top of that if you start defending your opinion you immediately become a public enemy number 1.
People start shunning you and you become outcast very fast. We as a community lack tolerance for other people’s opinion. What can you expect if our background is that , people are known to be executed , persecuted , jailed for having an independent thinking and opinion.
Very few desi have this mentality of respecting other people’s opinion. Very few of us have open minds , hearts and hands.
This is not limited to women who have an opinion of their own.
You have to tell the truth , it does not matter if it breaks their heart. Allah will not give you sawab if someone is saying or doing inappropriate and you keep chup.
Very few people amongst us are so open minded that they will give a wife the right to have independent thinking. That is why you need to learn the art of being diplomatic to keep the peace in your home. You should surely express your opinion but not directly , forcefully , bluntly and aggressively. Even then there is no guarantee that our narrow minded people will not take an offense but you would do the right thing though.
same thing happened to me just a couple of weeks ago. We had guests over and were talking about something. Hubby stated his opinion on something, I totally disagreed with it (just gave ppl my opinion). Later he said it was very disrespectful, I was so shocked. I wasn't rude nor did i argue with him. Also, I should state that I'm not an opinionated person at all unless it comes to some issues. I am usually very quiet in gatherings. I guess maybe he thought it was strange since I'm not like that at all. Anyways, do you guys think it's rude to disagree with your hubby in front of others?
That's exactly how I feel. I too am a very quiet person in general, but feels like I am pressured to keep my mouth shut when I am in disagreement with someone. I am so tempted to say something but I bite my lips and leave the place. Now if it were a man, it would be a different situation altogether. They can speak up and not be considered disrespectful at all, as a matter of fact they are praised for it. How is this fair?
Re: Intolerance Towards Opinionated Girls in Desi Culture
I think theres a time and place for everything.
In class or at work, yeah, online forums are for arguing etc... but in social situatons like at a davat/wedding...whats the point?
But that’s what I mean though. Our desi Society likes opinionated men but not opinionated women. Their reaction to opinionated women is so negative yet opinionated men are somehow put on a pedastal because they seem smart.
I agree with that. But with women it’s to an extent that they are pressured to keep quiet about almost everything…let alone expressing an opinion. If a girl is talkative, she is easily labeled as “batooni, mu-phat, bat tameez bla blah”
That is so sad but true!
I am not talking about political gatherings or even anything outside of family gatherings. Why are girls expected to say absolutely nothing while there’s no such restriction put on guys.
I tried it but now I just sit their quietly and listen to them BS about stuff I no longer have much interest in. It’s just whatever!
Agreed..it’s really difficult for me to be have a diplomatic attitude. I hate pretending what I am not.
Re: Intolerance Towards Opinionated Girls in Desi Culture
Insecurity.. fear..
Re: Intolerance Towards Opinionated Girls in Desi Culture
Women having strong views isnt very common so someone who tries to change the norm...isnt really very popular...generally speaking.
Re: Intolerance Towards Opinionated Girls in Desi Culture
i suppose opinionated automatically equals a future wife who will argue and will be uncompromising. It's always possible to express opinions in a decent manner, but do not be stubborn and stay open-minded.
Re: Intolerance Towards Opinionated Girls in Desi Culture
People dont like girls getting into arguments.its considered lambi kainchi wali jubaan trait.
Re: Intolerance Towards Opinionated Girls in Desi Culture
Its not like Desi people oppose opinionated Desi Girls. You just have to know when to speak up and say your point of view. There may be many people in the crowd or gathering that are much older than you. When I am in a gathering with my elders I do not speak up or oppose their opinion because they are older than me. You just have to listen to them properly and tell them your story in a way that makes them feel that you are not challenging them.