Why is it so difficult for Pakistanis to marry outside of their culture? I mean, I am not trying to bash Pakistani culture at all but it seems that intermarriage is discouraged even if a person is a good Muslim, pious and all it seems that the family still will not accept intermarriage.
well I married outside my culture and its turned out fine. I think, as did my parents, that being the same religion and having good values and morals is much more important.
But thats just my own personal experience, not sure what other guppies think on this matter.
Well I am married to a European & accepted.
Intermarriages are not a taboo, its just not something very common among Pakistanis.
Mostly in these marriages, its the Pakistani men who marry outside their culture though I know women who have married black or white men (Though the examples I have were where both were Muslims at least). Some go very successful, others didn't go too far. I believe it depends on the intentions and commitment put into these marriages, certainly cannot be generalized as a good idea or not a good idea.
[This message has been edited by ahmadjee (edited May 23, 2002).]
Cross cultural/religious marriages are just like any other marriage, but it has some added dimensions and challenges that are fairly unique.
The reason Pakistani families, in my opinion, don’t accept such marriages easily is because or resistance to accept something new. With time, and with more and more people marrying outside of their culture, it will become more acceptable.
i dunno why but i would prefer to marry a pakistani...i guess because as a women i feel it would be hard for me to make my husband from a different culture understand pakistani cultural values....even pakistanis who have been living abroad since they were kids don't follow these values....and seriously i feel it would be easier for me to go in home whose moral and cultural value are much the same as practiced in my house....but in the end i guess it is the luck that counts.
what is 'Pakistani Cultural Values'?
[This message has been edited by google (edited May 28, 2002).]
I might be wrong, but studying abroad with guys and girls from the world over, I have come to value the Paki men more. Don't know why. Pakistani guys i have this feeling(it can be wrong)understand the culture and treat you the way u have been treated all along. I personally have no qualms in marrying a muslim guy from any other country. But so far whether its Iranians, Central Asians or Turkish, they are way too outgoing and struggling whether to except Islam whole heartedly or not. However, at times I have found others (catholic or protestants)(whether they accept Islam or not)more respectful of our values than other muslim men.
(not talking about Arabs 'coz they believe in strict segragation which Pakistanis being ahem a lil bit moderate ppl donot really appreciate)
I would disagree with whoever said that intermarriage is not taboo amongst Pakistanis. Maybe it depends on exactly WHO you're marrying. The reason that I asked this question is because I am interested in marrying a Pakistani guy but many people at the masjid have tried to discourage me because they tell me that few Pakistanis intermarry and if they do- it is more acceptable to marry someone who is white. (I am Indian and Black from the Caribbean).
I have been told that if this guy married me he will be shunned by other Pakistanis and possibly his family. This is all crazy to me because I am a practicing Muslim. As far as piety goes, no one has said anything about me not being pious enough for him. (Although only Allah, s.w.t. knows what's in our hearts).
I am Indian and Black from the Caribbean
Are you Indian or African? It's difficult to make out from the above statement.
I am Indian and Black from the Caribbean. How would I be AFRICAN? (Maybe African descent). There are Black people in the Caribbean, White, East Indians, Chinese etc. One of my parents is Black and the other is East Indian.
[This message has been edited by PrettyDougla (edited May 29, 2002).]
By the way that is what my name means in the Caribbean. Dougla= a person of East Indian and Black mixture.
hey hey....who is dtopping u ...get married and don't cum under these whims seriously i have many example in my immediate family who have had inter marriages...and well a second cousin of mine...a girl married a person from kiwi in africa...and nobody shunned her and u know as i said i before it is harder for a woman in Pakistan to marry a person from a different culture...But seriously it is difficult in terms of adapting...but ppl of Pakistan will welcome anybody from anywhere around the world...but ofcourse there are exceptions as everywhere....And as u said u r a practicing muslim i don't believe u'll have any problems...
Wish u good luck
PrettyDougla,
I have met four indian and Black from the Caribbean and all four were interested to marry with Pakistanis. I am surprised to hear the same question from you.
can you tell me the reason of this?
It is very difficult, and quite unfair to generalize these opinions.
To be very honest, it all depends on the person you want to marry. And in many cases, it also depends on his family and how accomodating they are.
So, in your case, its best to talk it over with your fiance (or whatever). If he is ok with it and his family is ok with it, then what do you care about rest of the Pakistanis? :~)
In general terms, yes, Pakistanis, for various reasons do tend to marry their own. I don't have comparative data so I won't know if this tendency is higher or lower from other cultures. But, in terms of examples, I have seen Pakistani guys marrying african-american girls and it worked out pretty well.
Dear prettydougla
You wanna marry the guy: Just do it. But like any other marriage make sure you clear all the ambiguities about your relationship when it will come to religion, relatives and so forth.
The resistance in pakistani society to outseide marriage would stem from simple social fears as will the bride be able to adjust to the traditional values? respect the inlaws? etc...
Thus, spake the Sword...
justaju, I am guessing because they are at the same masjid so maybe they are in a situation where they are interacting with Pakistanis. Also, maybe since they are used to being around (or dating in the case of non-muslims) Indian guys they don't mind.
Pristine, maybe the community I am in is more conservative. I guess what I am saying is what the larger community has to say about intermarriage may affect the person's decision. Who wants to be shunned by their community or have their parents disown them? I don't think a lot of people can take that pressure.
However, we know Islamically it's wrong for people to shun someone for marrying a practicing muslim because they are a certain color or of a certain ethnic group. In the Halaqa circle I attend we talked about intermarriage and the sheikh was telling us that the parents will be questioned about this on the day of judgement, insha'allah in the same fashion that they baby girls who were buried alive are to be asked "what crime is it that you have committed?"
From your post it is not clear whether you are already befriended a particular person, or you are merely toying with the notion of marrying a Pakistani guy. If its latter, then why in God's name you want to narrow your choices to merely Pakistanis. What about decent muslims from India, or arab countries, or Europe or even America. There are several muslim families right there in Carribean (I have met several of them). Why Pakistanis?
I would have understood this problem better, if you are already seeing a guy and want to marry him but are unsure whether he and his family will accept you. In which case, it won't be a generalized query. The rest of the response assumes this scenario.
[quote]
Originally posted by PrettyDougla:
Pristine, maybe the community I am in is more conservative. I guess what I am saying is what the larger community has to say about intermarriage may affect the person's decision. Who wants to be shunned by their community *or have their parents disown them? I don't think a lot of people can take that pressure. *
[/quote]
You have hit the nail on the head. You need to talk to the person and his family.
Personally, I don't think any community would shun a person who marries out of his or her own ethnic race. That is way too old-fashined. Many muslim communities do wrinkle their noses if a muslim male marries a non-muslim girl, and they'd definitely issue a fatwa against a muslim girl who marries a non-muslim guy. I don't think that is a problem for you, because I am under the impression that you are a muslim too. So that problem is squared away.
For the problem of marrying outside the ethnic race, the only folks who may have a problem may be the immediate family of the guy. Part of it is the fascination of Pakistanis with fair complexion, and a Pakistani dude by marrying a black girl isn't exactly improving his chances of getting fair-skinned kids. This may sound shallow and a lot of people will denounce it, but its true for many people. Then again, it may not be universally true and, maybe, the family you end up with do not consider it any significant issue.
I have personally seen, far too many inter-cultural marriages work to be under any ambiguity that they may not work. True that a multi-cultural marriage has its own unique sets of challenges, but none of them seem to be a show-stopper. Atleast in my experience. Some of the folks who have responded above are true examples of it.
[quote]
Originally posted by Pristine:
*Part of it is the fascination of Pakistanis with fair complexion, and a Pakistani dude by marrying a black girl isn't exactly improving his chances of getting fair-skinned kids. This may sound shallow and a lot of people will denounce it, but its true for many people. *
[/quote]
if u talk with other muslim people they have the similar views on the color issue.. but they dont have that much of an issue with the race, so saying mostly pakis as other people jave mentioned here as well, would not be correct, i think...
[This message has been edited by reza khan (edited June 01, 2002).]
Well, I am speaking about a real situation not a hypothetical one. There is a guy that I am interested in who is Pakistani. I did not seek him out deliberately because he is Pakistani. As a matter of fact I didn't even know his background initially. We are in a Halaqah circle every Friday and what I liked about him was his knowledge of Islam and his love for Allah- which is most important. I even did istakarah and it came out good.
As far as the fair skin thing goes, I have seen many black people that are fairer than Pakistanis....also as far as the success of intermarriage, well, I would venture to say that the pressure and disapproval from the surrounding community and the family is what makes it all so difficult (and finally weakens the marriage). I am doing my thesis on intercultural marriages in Islam and this is what I have found over and over again. This is all inspite of the fact that Allah has told us that he has made us different so that we may know each other. Inspite of the fact racism is haram in Islam.