are they successful in ur view, from experience and/ or from seeing and hearing other peoples’ stories?
share.
thanks,
dushwari
Re: inter racial marriages?
i think 2 ppl hv to make a marraige successful...soo
Re: inter racial marriages?
Well said. Thats the most recise and intelligent answer to the question.
Re: inter racial marriages?
lets marry and find out :P
jk...actually I know quite a few examples in my friends' families and to tell you the truth...its just not the same....I mean...not to say that the husbands are like totally regretting it..but u can tell from their face on certain occasions
: "man, what do I tell ppl now?"
I mean, especially when u goin bak home n stuff like everyone gives u the look,
gossiper 1: "oay vekh oay...onney gori naal viaa kar chaddeya..."
gossiper 2: "haye haye...dasso haan....kaka tey amreeka da ho key reh geya vey!!!"
its just embarrassing...and as a result of what other ppl say, one feels the need to save his/her relationship and tries to lessen visits bak home..and slowly u kinda lose ur desi connection if u know wat I mean...u just dont wanna go bak anymore cuz u dont want ur non-desi wife/majazi khuda :P to feel weird...and hence u barely visit ur parents and get cursed at for that...lol...
no seriously....its really hard...i mean in college, life is tempting and ur running on emotion...u think this is like the best guy/girl for me...n i dont care...i will convince the whole wide world, or i'll just leave everyone else for him/her...
but once reality kicks in...things aren't that emotional anymore...things become PRACTICAL...and then ur like "....ehem...uh...dang it man...why do i have to go thru all this bullcrap...why cant ppl just accept my decision...."
I mean the idea of marriage is not to cut off from those who supported you from ur childhood...those who dint abandon u when u were helpless....those who didnt sleep just so that you could have a good nite's sleep...those who stayed hungry just so that ur ass cud be fed each and everyday(excuse me for my openness..but im sure im talking to mature people)
That is not the point...to cut off from the rest of the world...because when u do u might find temporary relief in that..just to break away from the crap u'll get from everyone else...but you wont be entirely happy...u will live with a lot of regrets(angry parents..siblings etc...and what not..) and that also slowly consumes ur happiness...(and health)
basically...make a decision but not based on emotion...but based one what you can forsee about 20years from tht point on....just be sincere and honest and dont think its a game...its a lifetime commitment, so u really want it to work out well the first time....
I mean ofcourse...you need to pray for guidance and I strongly recommend doing istikhara before you say "qabool hai, qabool hai, qabool hai" to that arabian habibi or costa rican or carribean mami(or persian, scandinavian or jamaican hulk for tht matter..lol)...u knw wat im saying?
but for real like...just keep makin prayer and ask for the best and inshAllah if you put ur absolute trust in Allah...things will turn out for the better...i mean after all...we can only see things but so deeply right? Only Allah's divine wisdom can determine what is ultimately good or bad for us...we can just pray...work for it...and be happy with the result and have patience.
I really wish everyone a very happy marriage and May Allah shower his blessings on everyone and make it among the best of decisions in every respect for each of you and increase you all in the correct faith. Ameen
P.S. pray for me too....lol im still 19 :P
JazakAllah :)
Re: inter racial marriages?
On the flip side of this issue is that many interracial couples try harder to understand, accept and practice the cultural aspects of each other's backgrounds. Our kids will be very aware of their cultural heritage, as opposed to maybe a desi couple in USA who are so trying to fit in to the culture here that there isnt as much of a focus. Just food for thought...
Re: inter racial marriages?
hmm… ur a mama of 3…lol…u wud know!
Re: inter racial marriages?
There might have been a time when marriage to fellow Pakistanis had a higher chance of being successful....but as divorce rates are increasing I think you have as much chance of being successful in a inter racial marriage as you would in same race marriage. Also I think that interracial marriages are somewhat more acceptable than they used to be particularly if the partner converts to islam....If the partner converts than there is no real problem in acceptance.
I know a couple of people in interracial marriages.....and they seem to be doing just fine.
Re: inter racial marriages?
It is a big culture clash first for the love birds, but even worse for the children.
All Desi Men (know of 6 such couples) that had married girls from US, are either remarried after 5 to 10 years to desi girls, or bachelors again.
The children are confused about which culture and or religion to follow.
**Would not recommend it to friends or family!...:( **
Re: inter racial marriages?
I'm in one and it's wonderful MashaAllah.
It all depends really on the two people involved.
Re: inter racial marriages?
SubhanAllah, that is gud to hear :)
May Allah always keep it that way. Ameen!
Re: inter racial marriages?
Dushwari !!! y do u always come up with a dushwar thread and put yrself into dushwari ?.................................. dush
Re: inter racial marriages?
Its not about race really...its about if those too share values and ideas...Lol you could have a conservative Paki and a liberal Paki marrying each other and it would be a disaster...but say a conservative Arab guy and Pakistani girl getting married with have no problems with each other...as woudlnt a westernised Paki and a white girl...
Its about idea isnt it...Family is another issue...and to be honest that is a problem if one of the parties has no tutte...otherwise it isnt really an issue...
Re: inter racial marriages?
^ A "conservative" Paki would never marry outside their own culture because they feel its wrong somehow..a conservative Muslim will not (and should not) have problems marrying outside thier culture so long as they're both same religion..but a traditional Paki, don't count on em to be so "openminded."
Re: inter racial marriages?
Sara what i gathered from the thread is that two people are already together...so the opnemindedness doesnt become an issue...if im with a Turlish girl then naturally im openminded with Turks isnt it...
If you are heavily into your Pakistani culture then you will probably go for someone Pakistani cos they are people who share your ideas and values...
Thats my point...those are the two underlying things...
You are more liekly to see a religious Paki with a religious Arab girl then you are to see him with a westernised girl...
Re: inter racial marriages?
Its better to go and marry Pakistani females from Pakistan as they complement hard working Pakistani guys in lot of ways. Pakistani men tend to be dominant (emotionally and sexually) and Pakistani women love to be submissive- the combination has always worked hence. I have almost always found balance of power to be skewed in a gori mem and Pakistani man's marriage. Recenlty I read that an Indian guy Sushil Kumar, a Hindu married a Pakistani Sunni Muslim through internet and didn't convert despite repeat requests from girls' family and threats from local Karachi Islamic parties- this is wat happens when you cross racial boundaries sometimes.
Re: inter racial marriages?
The xample you use is a religious boundary...we're talking just race/nationality here...
Fact is we're all different people and have different preferences...the type of person you are will naturally determine how succesful your marriage is...not the race...
Race is an issue to some people and thats their perogative...my friend would never go out with a non paki...thats his perogative...he is cultured and inward so wants someone similar who complements him..now for him an interracial relationship obviously wont work but the obvious thing is that he wouldnt involve himself in it either...
If you involve yourself with someone outside of race you will obviously have a greater degree of flexibility as the reason you are with her is becuase race isnt an issue to you...
Re: inter racial marriages?
Its tough, some make it, some dont. Life doesnt come with garuntees anyways.
Re: inter racial marriages?
interracial marriages are okay. And i see one working just perfectly!
Re: inter racial marriages?
^^ MashaAllah. May Allah(swt) bless all marriages Ameen.
Re: inter racial marriages?
they dont work