dupe.
dupe.
mom's New Yorker white dad is kashmiri punjabi ....me, born and raised in Lahore, Pakistan but also keep in touch with my mother's side. visit there often almost every year or two around xmas
as far as problems are concerned , mom had to face many fitting in , but it was all worth it . she has raised three of us in a very decent/Islamic manner and herself she is a Muslim. converted before getting married. even after so many years dadi(grandmother) still has NOT gotten over it so here and there we do get to hear from her lekin I still love my dadi thanks to my mother. But I would never do a inter-racial marriage my self too many up's and down's
Now that I have gotten some interesting responses, i think its time I chime back in.
Some of you know that I am married to a White American Woman (Ameircan Woman Stay Away from me) ----> some how this song always appealed to me :). Anyway, we have been married for over nine years... it will be 10 in Sep.
It was very difficult thing for my parents to accept. It took them a long time to accept and realize that this was not some thing I was about to budge on. Ammi and Abbu visited us 2 years ago...birth of my triplet daughters. Before we had kids, we both agreed that they will be raised as Muslims. Yes, you guessed it, my wife has not converted (pls no fatwas on how I am living a life of sin).
These past few years have been very trying, stressful and difficult. It all began after 9/11. Most of you know my views on current Iraq war (I was against it, and I am still not convinced that we needed to go there...but I do not want to discuss it here). In the begining, conversation were lively discussions, but, as the war(s) became uglier so did the arguments. We had to struggle to find things that bonded us together. It was tough, let me say this again very tough. I am happy to say that our marriage is all the more stronger for it.
Matty, Madahne, I apprecaite your feed back brothers. Keep it coming, I welcome good news any time I can get it :)
^ just curious, since u obviously feel strongly about ur kids being raised as muslims, i was just wondering how does the ur wife handles all that? i mean she is not muslim.. so she can still eat pork etc. can it or does it or will it have any impact on ur kids upbringing?
Suroor bajji, my wife does not eat pork :). Phew that was easy.
but she can if she wants to, right? and btw it wasnt just about the pork, i also put etc with it . :-)
Ok, what are the etc? Spell them out please... I am not good at reading minds.:) (specially across the Internet)
Good for you yaar. Our family is like a flea market of religions; sans muslims. ROman is the only muslim that we have. (pretty sad, I know)
At my niece's christening, we were gonna dress the lad in a kurta pajama, and put a yamulkeh on and have him take communion after mass...I think that is the only way. :)
i don't mean to interfere or anything in what seems to be a new discussion taking place, but i just wanted to clarify my earlier comments above. Manifestly every marriage will have its up and downs; to even give a hint of suggestion that an inter-racial marriage will be hunky dory and hubby and wife will be living in la-la bliss for the rest of their marital lives, is simply irrational and completely off the edge of rationality. i DO mean to state that, in my opinion, there is the potential (the specific word i used in my post was "hypothetically") for the children to grow up with immediate exposure to different cultures. Whether that is Pakistani or Irish, Pakistani or Brazilian, or what have you, but there are two separate and unique cultures mixing together. And i think that is what is beautiful about inter-racial marriages from the child's pov. Yes the child can grow up confused as well - but i see this occurring in great frequency amongst ethnically-homogeneous marriages as well.
[quote]
I think if you marry non-muslims its your duty to convert them??? otherwise its not acceptable. no?
[/quote]
Mem Saab, Since you brought in the topic of "duty", i'll just reply specifically to that... from an Islamic pov, the hubby can marry a nonMuslim but obviously the wife may not. Now before someone yells at me for bringing in religion - get a grip, folks. i am replying to her specific comment regarding "duty" of "convert[ing]".
[quote]
im broadminded as the next person and i promote humanity and love and patience and understanding between HUMANS.. but I dont think you need to marry someone out of your cast/religion/raciality to prove this.
[/quote]
You don't, you are right. But if that's the way things turn out not by intention but simply by fate, then i think - isn't that great.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Kaleem: *
Now that I have gotten some interesting responses, i think its time I chime back in.
Some of you know that I am married to a White American Woman (Ameircan Woman Stay Away from me) ----> some how this song always appealed to me :). Anyway, we have been married for over nine years... it will be 10 in Sep.
It was very difficult thing for my parents to accept. It took them a long time to accept and realize that this was not some thing I was about to budge on. Ammi and Abbu visited us 2 years ago...birth of my triplet daughters. Before we had kids, we both agreed that they will be raised as Muslims. Yes, you guessed it, my wife has not converted (pls no fatwas on how I am living a life of sin).
These past few years have been very trying, stressful and difficult. It all began after 9/11. Most of you know my views on current Iraq war (I was against it, and I am still not convinced that we needed to go there...but I do not want to discuss it here). In the begining, conversation were lively discussions, but, as the war(s) became uglier so did the arguments. We had to struggle to find things that bonded us together. It was tough, let me say this again very tough. I am happy to say that our marriage is all the more stronger for it.
Matty, Madahne, I apprecaite your feed back brothers. Keep it coming, I welcome good news any time I can get it :)
[/QUOTE]
Kaleem bhai mashallah that was so refreshing to read :) I wish you, your wife and your daughters an eternally happy family life inshallah.
While we're at it, I guess I'll share the inter-racial marriage scenarios in my family too :D
My momani is from Phillipines. My maamoon, may Allah grant him jannah, met her in London when he was pursuing grad studies there, and they got married there after she converted. They've got two daughters near my age, both studying in UK. My maamoon maintained a competely Pakistani atmosphere in the house, all their friends were Pakistani, they cooked Pakistani food, everything. My momani was the one who totally and completely adapted to every single thing, she evenn wore shalwaar kameez at home all the time. I salute her for how she adjusted. Now that maamoon is not in this world anymore, she still fasts in Ramzaan. She is just basically a good person. She couldn't speak Urdu but she could understand it. Some people in my family reckon that maybe my maamoon would have moved to Pakistan if it wasn't for her, and they resented her a bit for that because she 'took away' maamoon from the family. But IMHO she proved to be a wonderful wife for him. She was always by his side for everything. He had cancer, and during the last days, I saw how much she used to do for him, the kind of khidmat she did, I was stunned. She was extremely patient and caring.
My mom and dad are kind of an interracial marriage too I guess. My dad's family is punjabi and my mother's family is urdu speaking. And both are quite hardcore traditional. Papa's family is all settled in Punjab, mom's in Karachi. They had a pasand kee shaadi in Libya where they met. My brothers and I were born in Libya, and our family moved to Karachi a couple years later and we were raised here with strong ties to dadyaal in Punjab. My mother's parents were okay with their marriage but my maamoon's were very much against the idea of their sister marrying into a Punjabi household. My father's family did not have objections. Now, whenever my parents fight, my mom says she hates punjabis and my dad says he hates urdu speaking people :D We're always having these mini wars in our house abt this haha its quite funny :D And even funnier is that now that they are looking for matches for their kids, my mom is like 'kisi se bhee kar doon gi lekin punjabion mein nai karoon gi :D ' LOLZ...! And my dad is like 'urdu speaking family mein shaadi karnay se zindagi mushkal ho jayay gi' :D But they're cool, they don't really care abt the race factor :)
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
My mother's parents were okay with their marriage but my maamoon's were very much against the idea of their sister marrying into a Punjabi household.
[/QUOTE]
are the cultural differences really that drastic?
I'm a Punjabi myself but I'm much more comfortable speaking Urdu than Punjabi as are most people of my generation at least in my extended family. if I go back to Pak, Karachi would be one of my preferred cities to settle in though I'm a so-called Punjabi. so I don't see the interracial differences part that you're talking about. they all look the same to me. my best friend was a Karachiite. we were so close that people wouldn't believe that I was actually a Punjabi, they thought I was a Karachiite instead 'cause of the way I spoke.
so, what are some other differences apart from language or mother tongue which cause problems in such marriages?
Irem - the end part is so cute about your parents :-)
For some reason I dont see myself marrying a desi, so id better pay heed to this thread.
^ You too? :-/
Ooh, my 3000th post. Now i'm a confirmed loser.
Mine is sort of the opposite case as Irem's. We are predominantly Urdu-speaking; one of my Mamoo's married, much against the wishes of a few individuals in the khandaan, a Punjabi lady. Guess which couple, Masha'Allah nazar na lagay, has the most Blessed marriage.. By the Grace of Allah, it is them. i've lived with them, i know my Mumani inside out....words fail me but quite simply, she is a Blessing to this khandaan, and my Mamoo loves her unconditionally... He is a complex individual, as we all are, and everyone was worried about whether or not he would get along with whomever he married, forget about it being outside of the khandaan.
Anyways, dunno how that's related :o But just wanted to add that in because, i guess, although it's not as drastic as say a Pakistani+Brazilian marriage, some would still consider that an inter-racial union.
Every couple is unique...depends how you work things out. My Mumani still has to hear ignorant arse comments from certain individuals in the khandaan...but she and Mamoo have worked things out Alhamdulillah, and i'd say they have one of the most happiest marriages right now in the khandaan Masha'Allah... This is speculation but if he had married an Urdu speaking lady, i don't THINK he'd have been as happy.
i dont understand how punjabis and urdu speaking are so different? i personally would love to marry someone who speaks bengali/sindhi or saraiki… i think it’d be cute seeing him curse me in another langauge :love:
ur all doing a great job (Matty, Kaleem and Madhnee :k: )
Sambrialian nice to see you becoming an active part of this forum too :D
Hmmm, actually personally I don't think there is a difference in the actual culture. Since both my mom's and dad's families are traditional and conservative, their basic values are quite the same.
Language. Hmmm. Unlike your family my dad's family does not speak Urdu at all, we're quite a paindoo family we're not a shehri family :D My mom can understand Punjabi though so it was OK.
You asked about other problems? Geographical locations -- that's an issue I guess. For example, all my chachas live in a joint family with my grandparents in Pindi and we're not a part of it coz we live in Karachi. My father gave in to my mother's wish to live in Karachi coz my mother's family is all here. My maamoon's all used to live together in Karachi and we used to live near them, and I really used to love being around all my relatives and cousins. We shifted away from them though to another part of the city and I really miss the joint family system. I feel sad sometimes that we didn't get to be part of the joint family of our dadyaal in Pindi.
Sehar :) hows the finals studying going? :D
Nadzzz mashallah :-)
sadzzz they are not really yaar, as I was saying to sambrialian...but gives my parents a good excuse to have an argument when they are in the mood for a lil fight :D
you too? 
hehe im not alone!