Integrate into society

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Having lived in the west pretty much most of my life. I still sometimes find it hard to mix with the “goray/kalay” log. I dont know whether it was the environment I grew up in or the attitude I had toward the western culture. Also that feeling of not really being accepted always seems to linger at the back of my mind…

Saying that I get on well with everyone from most walks of life. It just how western society is becoming more libral than ever!

How have you guys felt about living in the west? Where do you draw the line on things to do/what not to do?

2

Re: Integrate into society

I am not sure if 13/14 years are enough to integrate in society but I have self imposed limits and I have never crossed those limits.

3

Re: Integrate into society

like?

4

Re: Integrate into society

i dont mix with behayi. period. they can be gore kale hare lal peele whtvr ..

5

Re: Integrate into society

First of all, I don’t get their jokes… they laugh about everything… stuff thats not even remotely funny :smack:

I’ve never gotten any negative vibes from them as far as acceptance is concerned and I’m good at conversations and all, but I don’t really feel comfy just hanging out with them … their way of life and culture is soooo different from ours.

6

Re: Integrate into society

I've also lived in the west for pretty much all my life, so it's the only life I know. I'd say the main thing that makes me different from most people here is that I make some kind of effort to live my life according to deen, so there are a few things that are common here but that I have avoided. My rule of thumb in what to do or not is to take the good and leave the bad.

7

Re: Integrate into society

i was raised in the west so i try my best to blend in but also stand out with my unique background.....i would try my hardest to get along with everybody, black,white, hispanic, middle eastern, south asian americans

as long as they aren't ignorant prejudiced people i'm fine. the city i grew up in was all white with one or two black americans but other than that no desis or other ethnicities in sight so it was always standing out but fitting in. i can't take away my desiness so i might as well embrace my background and be proud of being south asian american.

8

Re: Integrate into society

I feel a certain sense of "we're different" sometimes. But when I get along with people, I get along well. I seem to not be able to connect with SO's friends though - probably because of their interests in pop culture which I am far removed from. But other then them, it is all good. I haven't made super close non-desi friends though.

My biggest issues arise when I honestly share the cultural limitations I have. They find it all very surprising, obviously, which I find a little uncomfortable. But I try to remember that I am the way I am, or have the background I do; different yet the same.

9

Re: Integrate into society

^you're right even if we're born and raised they always ask "where are you from", my immediate answer is the city in the united states that i grew up in but they always mean the country that parents/my background is in. so the "we are different" thing is always emphasized. i love being south asian but why do we have to lose that american/british/french side that we have in us too.

as much as we try to blend in, our skin color/religious/ethnic background will always keep us apart. which is good and bad for me.

I guess hispanic americans go through similar stuff. but europeans that are immigrants but have an american accent that grew up here like us will be immediately seen as blended in already............ugh it's hard to explain but it's reality

10

Re: Integrate into society

i was also raised pretty much my whole life in the west, but i grew up in a very white area and i actually find it very easy to talk to white people unless they are extremely british. I can get along with black people too, i also get on very well with pakistanis.

So really for me its about the type of person rather than their race.

11

Re: Integrate into society

It is your choice you can integrate and be bi-cultural or you can integrate and be part of the melting pot.

12

Re: Integrate into society

I hear ya
Having lived here in the west for 15+ years, I feel that I've integrated quite successfully while staying true to Islam at the same time, yet I still have a hard time being comfortable around some folks. At the age I am right now, it seems like the social culture here revolves almost entirely around alcohol, and, as someone who doesn't drink, it makes socializing a bit more difficult. Heck, the fact that I was far more comfortable hanging around kids of any and all colours when I was younger than the drinking age is testament to that.

Although, outside of our first few years in the west, when I was a kid, I've never really felt like an outsider and neither have people treated me as an outsider(for the most part). I guess my light skin and green eyes played a part in that :D

13

Re: Integrate into society

What is SO's?

Yes, when I go to work these days.. alot of goray say "you dont need to fast?" It will hurt you rah rah rah They dont actually understand the reasoning behind it.. Same goes for not eating pork nor drinking alcohol.

Exactly! Well my best friend is actually a gora! lol I too grew up in a white town.. Actually during A-levels. All of them were of christian background. There was me and one other Pakistani in that class and one arab. lol Still I got on with them all.. but I could feel I just didnt get their lifestyles.

Tell me about it?! That's all they talk about these days.. lets hit the nearest pub after work. lol

14

Re: Integrate into society

Almost 80% of my family lives in England, and so we visit often. In fact often twice a year. Of course I haven't really *lived *there, so I don't know that much, but personally, I haven't ever felt any type of discrimination. At least not on skin color since I'm almost white myself :p

All my family is pretty liberal and the only restriction that we have placed on ourselves is Alcohol. Except that, When in Rome, do as the Romans do!

15

Re: Integrate into society

....'be the change you want to see in the world'

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Re: Integrate into society

Don't know about the world, but I'm sure as hell being the change I want to see in Pakistan! :D

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Re: Integrate into society

IceSoul, you brought up an interesting point of alcohol.. obv haraam.. yet the western culture wouldnt accept you if you didn't drink! They would think its un-american.. or very un-British. lol

18

Re: Integrate into society

i never drank alcohol in college, our university was known as a party school, one of my pakistani friends used to have beer chugging parties at his apartment in the uni but i just went with my friend and talked with people, i didn't touch one glass of alcohol. i could've but my parents were always in my mind and i know they wouldn't have approved of me drinking at that age. love them too much to do something like that and fitting in doesn't mean going to bars and getting drunk for me. :p

i have light skin so i can blend in pretty well in any group, hispanic, white, black but i never gave in to peer pressure

19

Re: Integrate into society

I don't think so. When in the UK, I often go to bars with my cousin and his friends (almost all of whom are white). Even my cousin drink occasionally, but I've always politely refused when offered alcohol. And they don't seem to mind.

20

Re: Integrate into society

not true. there are plenty of non muslims that dont drink either. depends on the crowd you hang out with. my husband goes to the pub to watch soccer matches or to the stadium.. both run on booze. everyone is drinking and getting drunk. but he doesnt drink nor do his friends (all pure white dane boys). the ones that do drink, know their other friends dont. no biggy.