Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Lol paheli see I was going to visit my familyy and my hubby waa to join me later on. Since my parents dont expect us to take them wherever we go it was going to be our lil anniversary celebration as well. What should my husband do? Rather what should I ask him to do? I was so full I just needed to write down all that I feel. So I just included other stuff too that makes me unhappy.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
^ Ah ok. Now it makes more sense lol. I re-read your posts several times b/c I thought I was missing something. 
OK, here is what I would do if I were you. Your in-laws are clearly the “difficult” type. I understand your thinking behind combining time with hubby/seeing parents. But I think it all just becomes too much. Trying to do too many things at once with in-laws like yours just leads to drama. Believe me…I know! Take baby steps… focus on 1 thing at a time.
I think you should go see your parents. Just you and the baby. Go see them for a few weeks/1 month. Take a break and get your parents (you dad hasn’t seen the baby right?) to spend quality time with their grandchild. If I read your posts correctly, you in-laws don’t have an issue with you going by yourself do they? They wanted to come b/c your hubby is also joining you right? And this way, your parents are not forced to play host to your in-laws for weeks. They can just focus on you and the baby.
Let your husband know that while you are gone, he really needs to have some conversations with HIS parents. He needs to talk to them about giving the two of you more alone time, and try to get them to understand that as husband/wife, you two need some privacy. AFTER you come back from your parents…start trying to convince your husband that you, him, and the baby need to go away somewhere for a mini vacation so that 3 of you can bond with one another. Maybe for a few days/upto 1 week. This way, you and the baby aren’t gone from the home for weeks/months…so the in-laws can’t use the excuse of “Oh we’ll be lonely without the baby/bahu/son being gone for so long”. Oh and try to choose a location that’s not too far away or exotic. Don’t choose a fun/exciting destination like Dubai lol.
BTW, did you two go for a honeymoon after the shaadi? Or did in-laws tag along for that too?
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
the only temporary solution out of all of this is what Paheli mentioned. Cancel your husband's visit to Dubai and just go by yourself... I'm pretty sure your folks would be a bit annoyed at catering to their daughter's susraalis for a long period of time.
Plan something with the hubby later, inshaAllah
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Ohh CP , i can understand ur problem. Here all paki hv same fever. Bahu kahn bahr na jaye ,they make all that lame excuse.
I just give u one suggestion, go to dubai at any cost chahe 15 days ky lye permission milay. Bt after u , ur hubby make a plan wt he wants, us ki apni bh life ha. Apnay parents sy clearly bat kare. Alne phirna aur privacy bh ho
My dadi do the same. Jahn jana sath jana. Dadi ny apny sis ko apny pass bulana then hum nani ky ghr jatay thy.Mother ny dophar ko sona us per issue. Oh same condition.
15 saal guzar gaye. Thn v make a routine.
Morning bf bana kr dna phr father ny office jana uder busy. jb who gaye tho cleaning house and cookng lunch main busy. lunch ky bad apna room main rest, kam tho just call, na aye tho complain kare. Then sham ko ana dinner kiya , kitchn ka kam kiya aur phr apna room. 10 min ruk jana company ky lye. Agr imp bt ha tho time bh lag jata tha. Mother just away frm mil. Na pass ho na koi larai.
U also make a routine. Sy ur hubby u need rest and break. Agr who parents ky pass rukta ha let him stay. Baby
ky lye khudh ayega.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Jb inlaws double hn u hv to be. Bt only for positive purpose. if thy care u too much kahn th, kahn rah gaye.
U say smile doing rest . Like dophar ko apnay room main ho want to take rest and they call u. go and sayhappily " oh main tho anay wali kahny me doing rest. Back pain ha. Ap fikr kr rahay hn gaye main ny batana tha.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
One more thn, younger sil aur married dno ki fiker ki need nah, un ko apny haal per choro. Kuch krny ko kahe tho smilng face krn werna silent raho na zaida bt kro. U will notice tum kitna relax rahogi.
Mil per chor do sub kvch. Kaho ap ghr ki bari ha jo ap kahegi wohi hoga.
Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Your husband needs to stand his ground and make it clear that you two want to go alone. He is the weakest link here, and the sole reason you are going through all this suffering... Because he enables it by succumbing to his parents tantrums each time.
It doesnt matter one bit whether he is supportive behind closed doors, he needs to be supportive in front of them, and that doesnt mean speaking in hints, because the parents obviously dont care for hints, he needs to speak up and be firm of his intentions regardless of the reaction.
There will be drama, as you gotta expect that much... but you have to ignore it; and stick to your guns firmly every time. pretty soon they will get the message, that their tantrums useless.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Yaar he has spoken in the past but it just caused more trouble for me k ji bahu ne bete ko neeche laga dya hai and crap. Recently I went with him for a walk he doesn't like to walk but agreed for me. It haf just been 5 mins on the track and we got a call from his dad asking where we were and he'd join us on the track. We live 5 mins away from that parl 5 mins walking distance. That day I got so annoyed I complained to hubby to which he agreed but later on got depressed as whenever he plans something his family has to tag along. Hr didn't speak to his family for 2 days when they asked him what the matter was they started the discussion like "tum kiun idher khush nai ho hum tu aise parents hain kuch kerte hi nai logo ki families tu sath nathhi ho jato hain" dude what should we discuss with them when they are so cool and liberal on their head. They will neverrrrrrrrr realise nor accept instead will fall sick that their bahu is so bad :/. Yes I did go for honeymoon and on the 4th day my fil called me and asked "aur beta gher nai ana bohut din ho gae hain ab wapas ao.." I haven't even told hubby abt it till date. Ok I might be negative but I am very patient as well stay silent n dont complain much to hubby. All this is drivibgt me nuts. I have a very good degree from a foreign uni but all I do is sit at hone and think whycould I nnot enjoy my early wedding days with hubby. I am alwayssss thinking about the first year which was very very very hard went through a lot of dramas.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
In their heads..*
My mil has said many times in my face that I have tiny eyes and also sil :s and they say it btw. Right after a week of my wedding my sil told me their relatives thought I wasn't pretty enough. I dont care if I am pretty or not. The point is WHY would you tell something like this to your bhhabi? I feel like a loser. My mil doesn't like me mingling with others or making frds outside hubbys circle n honestly I dnt hav any frrds here inpk. I m so llonely that I m sharing stuff over the Internet. My mil sayswhy do I need frds when I have her n sil. God they just want to stick to me.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
It sounds like you need a good long holiday. Go to you parents, leave husband behind and enjoy yourself.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
And that was a mistake. You should’ve shared your concerns with hubby from day one.
BTW, this was a love marriage…didn’t you know before marriage the type of life your hubby at home OR just how clingy his parents were to him? You two never talked about how type of life you two wanted AFTER marriage? 
For now go visit your parents for a few weeks and get away from all this tension. The break will be good for you.
Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
I feel so much for you! I totally understand your frustrations! Do you know my in laws tagged along with us on my honey moon! My SIL was supposed to get married along side me but for some reasons her wedding do post poned to next four months. She already had her Nikkah done.. Whilst discussing our honey moon plans, my SIL butted in that she also wants to go blah blah.. The only daughter in the household. So guess what on second day of my HM, my hubby gets a call from his family that they are coming next day and look for a decent hotel for them. I was totally speechless and did not expect this. We also had love marriage.. My hubby said dont worry we won't see them during our stay. But no, everywhere we go, they were there and we have to wake up early in morning for outing! No relaxation etc! The end of the day we have to sit in my in laws room to hear borin stories.. The trip was totally a disaster! Ofcourse my hubby didn't see anything wrong! He has no back bone infront of his family! Argh so annoying!
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Oh god rose thats so bad. I wonder how inlaws act so silly and then say things like "hum tu aise nahi log kaoset kaise hote hain" seriously my mil n sil tell me stories n say stuff like that when they do exactly the same. Honesty I had an idea about how my in laws were but at that time the issues were different. Before marriage they'd dominate me telling me which deaigner dress to wear on my baraat where to shop n silly stuff like that. Infact mil came along while I went to select my bataat dress. She has a severe superiority complex abt her choicee being too good. In result itwas a ddress of her choice. I regret that thing till date and fight with hubby over it. I have become so weird I just sit n daydre aby how goof my life was back in dubai. I do love my hubby n baby a lot. But inlaws interference is way too much. I am so lost I dont knowwhy am I writing all this.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
In their heads..* . Right after a week of my wedding my sil told me their relatives thought I wasn't pretty enough. I dont care if I am pretty or not. The point is WHY would you tell something like this to your bhhabi? .
Do you not see that your nand not only disrespected you, but her own parents/family as well? She should have put a pardah on the negative comments her family made behind your back. But by telling you, she has hurt her family's image/izzat. She cares neither for u nor her own family....so don't take her seriously.
And you said nand will be getting married soon? If she can't respect her own family's izzat, she will struggle with respecting her future in-laws. Her mouth will get her into deeper trouble down the road with people who will have much lower tolerance/forgiveness level than her family. Don't dwell on her badtameezi.....in one ear and out the other.....her ways and her parents' laxity with her with come back to slap her n everyone real hard one day.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Rose do you live with your inlaws?
Ladies plz ignore the typos its a touch screen.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Peace chic pinnacle
oh dear oh dear oh dear !
Ok whenever your MIL and FIL wanna do something alone invite yourself and say ... "What you don't wanna be with me?" ... Any time your married SIL's decide to go out with their husbands invite yourself with them and invite your MIL and FIL too.
Trying to run away from them seems to only make them wanna come with you ... So try the reverse psychology route ... Be there all the time even when the FIL and MIL wanna go to sleep or want to talk privately ... Instead of them asking for the baby give the baby without them asking and when they don't seem to want him.
When the SIL's are around, praise your FIL and MIL in front of their daughters saying "thank god my i laws don't do that" even if they do it and do worse ... People will start to see your irony.
sounds harsh ... But to be honest your story gives me nausea ...
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
.
sounds harsh ... But to be honest your story gives me nausea ...
Ditto.
Op, getting husband to take a stand for u sours his relationship with parents and turns in-laws against you. I was going to suggest that maybe you talk gently to ur in-laws and reassure them that you're not trying to separate your son away from them...but if that will backfire, then try doing as psyah suggested. Don't go overboard tho as they may get suspicious. But reverse psych might work...and the good thing is that it's non-confrontational.
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
Peace chic pinnacle
oh dear oh dear oh dear !
Ok whenever your MIL and FIL wanna do something alone invite yourself and say ... "What you don't wanna be with me?" ... Any time your married SIL's decide to go out with their husbands invite yourself with them and invite your MIL and FIL too.
Trying to run away from them seems to only make them wanna come with you ... So try the reverse psychology route ... Be there all the time even when the FIL and MIL wanna go to sleep or want to talk privately ... Instead of them asking for the baby give the baby without them asking and when they don't seem to want him.
When the SIL's are around, praise your FIL and MIL in front of their daughters saying "thank god my i laws don't do that" even if they do it and do worse ... People will start to see your irony.
sounds harsh ... But to be honest your story gives me nausea ...
You know your logic makes a ton of sense - I'd totallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy try this!
Oh god rose thats so bad. I wonder how inlaws act so silly and then say things like "hum tu aise nahi log kaoset kaise hote hain" seriously my mil n sil tell me stories n say stuff like that when they do exactly the same. Honesty I had an idea about how my in laws were but at that time the issues were different. Before marriage they'd dominate me telling me which deaigner dress to wear on my baraat where to shop n silly stuff like that. Infact mil came along while I went to select my bataat dress. She has a severe superiority complex abt her choicee being too good. In result itwas a ddress of her choice. I regret that thing till date and fight with hubby over it. I have become so weird I just sit n daydre aby how goof my life was back in dubai. I do love my hubby n baby a lot. But inlaws interference is way too much. I am so lost I dont knowwhy am I writing all this.
Thank fully not yet! Because my hubby works abroad and so my family also lives in UK but couple of hours drive away! But my in laws constantly pressure my hubby to move back home like " beta udhar Kya kar rage ho, apna ghar apna hota hai n u hv properties here etc.... " hubby always says haan mera bhi dil chagra hai etc... But as a couple we both have made plans to move to either UAE or USA/Canada because of better life style n job opportunities... The thing is he never voice this to his parents. My in laws also b4 marriage used to show of that we will buy designer stuff and we buy designer clothes etc.. Butto be honest I haven't seen anything special to date.. Even my vari was nothing too unique in terms of daily clothes etc..
Oh yeah even my SIL ***** about her in laws in front of her parents n they says some bad stuff too... Look at double standard here! I understand all this! Now that am expecting, hoping hubby will stand for us (me n baby) after baby is born!
Re: Inlaws not so happy with me visiting mt family abroad..need advice
. My in laws also b4 marriage used to show of that we will buy designer stuff and we buy designer clothes etc.. Butto be honest I haven't seen anything special to date.. Even my vari was nothing too unique in terms of daily clothes etc..
So? Over and done with right? It's not affecting ur current situation, right? You don't like the clothes in your bari, then give them to someone less fortunate who can use them. You can get or already have several outfits that exceed your bari in both number and quality.
You're expecting and should avoid tension, right? So let some things go...as opposed to making them a mental battle that you relive. Some of the stress is caused by others and some is our own doing.