inlaws choosing wedding dress :(

[Paheli00]

Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress

@Rock_Star_Rani

^ I don’t know any men that are like how you just described them, all the men I know of, and I mean every single one cares alot about looks. Maybe not with the specific details that a woman has to consider though.

Where did I say in my post that men don’t care about looks? When it comes to a bride’s outfit…how many men you know care whether or not the outfit is red, purple, green, blue etc? How many men do you know who care about the type of kaam the outfit has or whether or not its a long shirt or a short shirt? That’s what I’m referring to. Of course men care about looks. OP husband’s would not have married her (their nikaah is already done) if he didn’t find her attractive. OP is freaked out over specifics of the dress which is normal for us women. But for most men…no, they don’t care about it to the extent that we do. Do you know groom’s who get upset b/c someone else choose their outfit? How many groom’s get an input on their outfit color (don’t we always make it match the bride’s outfit?)? That’s my point. It’s not the men don’t care about how their wives look. But most aren’t going to cause a major fight with their families and take a chance at creating bitter feelings that can linger for years over an outfit they’re going to wear 1 day.

@Rock_Star_Rani

And it is a big deal, there wouldn’t be such a big issue if there wasn’t. So for the fiance to try to ignore it is ridiculous, you’re bound to fight over little things when married as well, what’s gonna happen then, just ignore it and it’ll go away? And I don’t think Yanzala is venting about his mother, it’s about one decision his mother has made. Ignoring the OP’s feelings at any point no matter how small the matter, makes it seem like her feelings are insignificant, which is something that I personally would not be able to handle.

Of course people fight over little things when married. But in a long-term happy marriage…each spouse also needs to decide what’s worth fighting for. I never said the issues should be ignored. OP brought up her feelings to her husband. From her posts, it sounds like he told her that she’ll just have to deal with it b/c he’s not going to cause an argument with his family by bringing this up. Now OP needs to decide whether or not this dress is worth starting her married life with continuous arguments with her husband. Her husband never ignored her issues…but he disagrees with her views on it.

Just like you said…married life consists of many things that bother us and many arguments/fights. We can not and will not win every single argument. We need to prioritize and decide what truly matters to us and how far we’re willing to go to get it. In my relationship…a dress (even on my wedding day) is not worth having a fight with the person I love. Other women might feel differently and I understand that. In OPs situation she’s already married and other than this, according to her the in-laws treat her really good. Why take the chance in ruining the good relationship she already has with them?

And yes, by venting to him about the decision his mother made…she’s basically venting to him about his mother. He realized the very first time she brought it upto him that she’s not happy with his mother’s decision. He doesn’t need to be constantly reminded of it. Even as a woman…if my guy constantly kept reminding me about a decision my mother made that he wasn’t happy with…I’d get irritated too. Does anyone reading this enjoy being reminded of multiple times that their fiance/spouse is unhappy with a decision their family made? Especially a decision that physically effects 1 day of their life? (and yes, as a woman getting married in 2 months…I understand 1st hand just how important the dress is to women).