inlaws choosing wedding dress :(

Paheli00 · February 15, 2012, 2:51pm

Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress

Okay, I don’t know if it’s just me or if any of you other ladies are feeling it, but it seems that Yanzala’s husband-to-be isn’t an understanding person.

Now, I do not expect your husband-to-be to go yelling at his parents to make them buy the outfit you want. But, it worries me that he doesn’t take your sadness and opinions seriously. He seems to be belittling your feelings and insulting you (shallow, materialistic) which is definitely not a good way to begin your married life.

You need to move past this wailing over the outfit and start talking about real things, like WHY IS YOUR HUSBAND NOT ACKNOWLEDGING YOUR FEELINGS?

You need to talk to him rationally:

I would suggest sitting down with him, on a relaxing evening (NOT right when he gets back from work).

Explain rationally that you are saddened that you will not have a choice in the wedding outfit because of X, Y, Z reasons.

**Then, explain that you have to come to terms with the decision but that you would like his support with your feelings.
**4. Explain that you understand hubby-to-be is a rock stuck in the middle of this situation and no solution is easy.

**You understand this battle isn’t worth messing up your future relationship with your in-laws or each other.
**
I am really really worried about the interactions going on between you two. Hate to be harsh, but you both need to grow up and deal with this situation responsibly.

I actually disagree with your views on her fiance. Yes, he should be more supportive of her. But I don’t believe his behavior is a sign of disrespect towards her or lack of love. Men think differently than women. To most men…wedding outfits, jewelry, make-up etc. doesn’t mean much. They don’t understand why we make a big deal out of it. Even my own fiance…he knows all of this is important to me…but he thinks its silly that amount of time/effort I spent on my wedding outfit/make-up etc.

I believe OP’s fiance is thinking about “real things”…such as their marriage and future. I believe he wants OP to stop bringing up an issue that he considers insignificant in the long-run. I believe he’s annoyed at being put in the middle of his mother and his fiance …even BEFORE the baraat he’s having to hear negative things about his family’s decisions. I don’t know any man who wants to be in his position. He wants OP to realize that this battle isn’t worth fighting and stop venting to him about it (b/c that’s his mother that she’s venting about!). Asking him to support OP is the same as asking him to go against his mother. And at this point in their young relationship…its unfair to put him in that situation.

OPs guy sounds a lot of like other guys I know in real life. He does not think this is a big deal and he wants to move past this, and go on with their future. Part of moving past this also means her not constantly bringing it up to him and expecting him to verbally go against his family.

The situation sucks. It’s unfair. But that’s how it will be. OP knows it. Her fiance realized that first time OP brought it up to him that she’s unhappy about his mother’s decision. He doesn’t want to be reminded of it constantly. He wants her to move on and focus on the future…especially in a situation where OP herself stated that other than this dress issue, her in-laws treat her great.