inlaws choosing wedding dress :(

[somegroovychick]

Re: inlaws choosing wedding dress

@terebina786

This is what I don’t get. Why do the in-laws feelings trump that of the bride? What about the bride’s bad feelings to come? What if the bride can’t forget and can’t get over it? You know these things come out years later in some convoluted argument. And a lot of people are saying its “just a dress” to the bride and she should focus on the impending marriage so why isn’t it “just a dress” to the MIL?

@KashmiriSadozai

^ Yeah I see your point (to somegroovychick)- Ive never heard of this tradition etc and I pray it doesnt happen to me - lol

I think the husband should compromise if he knows his wife reaally wants to choose her own dress he should consider it - maybe take his wife and mum together to choose the dress…

Also what about the years of bad feelings the bride is going to have? (please dont argue about it being a materialistic thing and the bride needs to see the bigger picture - I could argue the same thing about the in-laws) why should the women be expected to get over it? Her in-laws dont own her…

Im not having a go at you hun - Im just trying to figure it out and am like reaally surprised by this…

[and theres a tiny chance Im imaging myself in the OP shoes hence my defensive stance ;)]

sigh, i honestly don’t know… because your mil is your mil? i know it seems unreasonable but she IS your husband’s mother and after marriage, will be your family too, of as much importance to you as your mother will be to your husband. you will have to find ways to compromise with her, and if she is unrelenting, you’ll have to let it go. because if you don’t, its going to become a bigger issue than it’s worth. you have to pick your battles.
is it entirely fair? no. but if that is what your mil wants, is it worth fighting with her over? definitely not worth it. you’ll make your entry into their family in a hostile, resentful environment and that’s just a bad scene from the get-go.

try putting yourself in her shoes. maybe she is a traditionalist through and through in which case, honestly, i’d be more concerned about life after marriage and other, bigger decisions you might differ on, such as how to raise your future children. maybe this is her only son or the baby in her family. maybe she is struggling with letting go of her son knowing that once he’s married, his first priority will be you, and this is her way of ensuring she stays important in his life- and yours. being a mil is just as fraught with emotions as being a bride. (i’d even say its more than that because i have a son and i can’t imagine one day another woman coming along who is going to be his number 1 and displace me. wahhh! and he’s only 7 months hah. oyyyy… trust that i’ll be posting here about being a mil and what to do :p)

honestly, in this case, the OP’s fiance should be the go-between in this case to ensure everyone is happy, and he’s not stepping up, unfortunately. other than that, there doesn’t seem to be much recourse unless her mom has a heart to heart with the mil and suggests some input from the bride.