Indian husband , pakistani wife .... potential issues ..

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Indian husband , pakistani wife .... potential issues ..

Having nothing against Indian Muslims or Bangladeshis personally speaking I'd only marry a Pakistani or someone from Pakistani descent (eg British Pakistani) as I feel I'll 'relate' or 'connect' to them much easily.

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hilarious!!!
lolz

ٹائم پاس ماہ جون - Time Pass June 2014 - الوقت ممر يونيو
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Warning: Long post

PCG, there is a slight cultural difference between indians and pakistanis. From my experience, I have seen that indian women really do tend to be a little less assertive than pakistanis. I don't know why that is, but it may come from their cultural experience because the indian muslims aren't the majority, so the atmosphere is a bit different. I think in the hindu culture, the wife has a more submissive role, and so maybe they absorb some of those values. Also, since the muslim community is not the majority, they tend to be a lot more traditional and haven't socially progressed as much as pakistanis- i'm sure there are families who have, but a lot haven't. Let me give you an example: wearing capris or sleeveless is unacceptable and will get people to start labelling you in an indian community whereas it's normal in a pakistani one. This is because to indian muslims, showing skin like that is associated with hindus who are more lenient about covering.

Similarly some pakistanis encounter the same when they wear sarees, because if you tie it certain ways, the stomach is exposed. they want to wear the saree but can't overcome their conflict with the skin exposure. I think some women feel some frustration and possibly resentment in this regard and voice it as "I can't believe how shameless they are". My mom wears sarees mostly, and her blouses are pretty long and she ties the pallu in a way that keeps her covered. But some women accosted her about it and when she said no i wrap it like such, instead of saying "oh good idea" they bent over, positioned their head in a weird way under her arm, and said "nope, I can see your stomach".

Anyway, when you have those particular values + the resentment, someone who is more assertive or dresses like that might seem "selfish" or "cheap" or whatever you said. THIS DOES NOT MEAN IT'S RIGHT NOR TRUE. I think that MIL just doesn't like her DIL and blames it on her pakistani background. You know how sometimes you dislike a person for one reason, and then the more you have to be around that person the more and more qualities you dislike about them? that's the case here. And so the MIL didn't like her for a particular reason, and then she finds more and more reasons to dislike her and is not shy about saying those reasons. Psych 101: PersonA has experience w/ person 1 --> develops a preconceived notion about them--> has another similar experience w/ person 2 who shares objective qualities (race, gender, culture, appearance) w/ person 1 --> affirms the notion --> extrapolation of the notion to all persons of the same objective qualities--> New experiences are perceived in a way that re-affirms the notion.

One could even argue that looking at your post PCG, it seems like you found a couple bad experiences w/ indians, and you extrapolated that to every indian-pakistani couple problem, and blame the indian one as the unreasonable or wrong one.

My aunt is indian married to a pakistani. She constantly has to hear about how she isn't up to their standards because she's indian-they don't like the way she talks (dialectically), dresses, cooks, whatever. So she has to deal with some of the same issues as your pakistani friend. She changed everything about herself to be like how her inlaws wanted (I barely recognized her when i first saw her!) but she STILL has to hear their "taane". I could argue w/ you and say that "yeah see my aunt is more submissive b/c she's indian and instead of telling her in laws 'this is how i am' she just changed herself, so your friend's MIL is RIGHT" but really the point is moot. My cousin is married to a pakistani guy, and their families are wonderful to each other. It just depends.

[QUOTE]

I know another couple - wife is Indian, husband is Pakistani. Hubz keeps his mouth shut on these issues, because he knows how she gets. But we went to a dawat and the singer there sang Made in Pakistan, a spinoff on Alisha Chinoi's Made in India. Cheesy, but whatever. She got really enraged, and started mouthing off Pakistanis. I was like...Uh with all due respect, you are outnumbered by Pakistanis here. Can you be more polite about our culture? Thanks.

To which she didn't respond. Still meets with us, but keeps better control over her mouth.

[/QUOTE]

You know what, being indian where the majority of your social circle is pakistani is really hard- because sometimes the pakistanis inadvertently say things about india or indians that may be hurtful without meaning to. For instance, one time my friends were talking about something and said, "Yeah, he's weird...I think he's Indian". It's immature for me to take it personally and for the most part i didn't, but you know, part of me hurt a little bit. and if you never said anything back either like joking saying "what are you trying to say about me?" it kind of bottles up. Now the lady you're talking about may have felt this way on some occasions and she decided to do something back- she didn't know how to do it tactfully it made her seem weird and stupid and she probably feels worse now, but since she has nowhere else to go, she has to face everyone again as a constant reminder. So guys, have a little pity on the indians, or any "outsider" for that matter :)

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Re: Indian husband , pakistani wife .... potential issues ..

I'm Pakistani, my husband is actually Indian Muslim Gujrati.......huuuuuuuuge difference. I live above my in-laws, they speak Gujrati, I speak Urdu. Yeah it was difficult and it still can be a little difficult at times but Alhamdullilah they're pretty much the best in-laws a girl could ask for. My mother in law looks after my daughter while I'm at work and I really only trust her and my mom to look after her. I know I'm grateful, my in-laws haven't asked or expected me to conform to their culture whatsoever but I have somewhat because they are my family too. Granted I haven't learned gujrati to the fullest but I know some words here and there and thank goodness that most of my in-laws speak Urdu and English. =)

As for going to Pakistan and India, we haven't done that yet but since my husband and I are from the US, I assume we'll just need Visas. Hopefully there won't be so much trouble. =/

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taari saans tame gujrati majaama sikhaadish!

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wow
now let me translate it
hmmmmmmmmm
taari = your
saans = mother in law
tame = you
gujrati
majaama = language?
sikhaadish = teaching

was i close??

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Re: Indian husband , pakistani wife .... potential issues ..

Pakistani girls are tops :D

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^ Where were you when people posted pages and pages on ‘Pakistani women’ and how controlling/nagging/annoying they are!? :naraz:

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^I hope he doesn’t mean ‘tops’ as in “Lattoo” (in Urdu)… you know the one kids play with, which spins around :silly:

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You were almost 100% correct!

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Which thread was that?

All I’m saying is that Pakistani women win hands down. I’d rather be dealing with a strong Paki girl who can hold her own rather than some “yes-woman.” Besides when you marry you should be looking for the full package for both parties: Education, Religion, Culture and similar goals for the future.

If I did not value that in my life, I’d be interested in whoever.

(No feminazis though)

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This thread is a little misleading. By indian, do you mean a muslim from india?? If an indian muslim is married to a pakistani then it should not be a problem. Most indian muslims i know also dislike hindus and support Pakistan in a cricket match between Pakistan and india.

**Edited for racist remarks

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WTF!!

Edited for racist remarks

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Re: Indian husband , pakistani wife .... potential issues ..

Sham-us your name should be shameonme.

Time Pass - جولائی - رمضان کا مہینہ
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Re: Indian husband , pakistani wife .... potential issues ..

there are couple of cases in my wife's family and both families are living happily in dubai ...u can guess the rest :)

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Good for you. I am sure the feelings are mutual.

[mod]However, I am warning you to handle your emotions otherwise a warning is in order. You can convey the same message without sweating so much.[/mod]

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Dude, you say you are from north of Pak...apparently NWFP. Well guess what....the BIGGEST ever friend of your so called Bhindians was none other than your very own Khan Abdul Ghaffaar Khan a.k.a Baacha Khan. He loved Nehrua nd Gandhi. In fact the Indians look up to him as one who was against Jinnah's two nation theory.

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North of Pak does not equate to NWFP, just for your information im from Neelam Valley which is in Kashmir and believe me no-one likes Indians. I do not see Kashmiri on the so called Indian side as Indian, as there culture/language/lifestyle/food is completely heterogenous to the rest of India.

Niksik i apologise for offending ppl but they are my opinions Pakistani and Indian are not similar infact vastly different apart from Punjabi's n Sindhi's. Judging by the topic itself we can tell the feeling is not mutual and i just hope that my Punjabi n Sindhi bro/sis refrain from inter-marrying with Indians.

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Umm.. isn't that going to become an issue in the future? Where to go back to when the job sponsorship ends?

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Since when does Pakistan only consist of Punjabis and Sindhis? What Pakistan do you come from? Are you sure you're on the right side of Kashmir?

Time Pass - جولائی - رمضان کا مہینہ