my husband cant make decisions. or if he does he changes his mind all the time. its sooooo infuriatating. why r people like this?
infact he even acts all dumb when i remind him hes alreadybsaid somethn dufferent before. for eg he does this about everything. todays idecisivness, well few days back he told me not to do anything fr his mother after she told me not to make her roti shel do it herself not to do this nthat etc so he said ok dnt dk anything now. i said is this ur final decision cos u make alot of decisions all the time depending on ur mood. he said yeah t is.
forward 3 days- he asks me why dnt i ask his mum for tea etc
Here we go againnnnnn!!! i wanted to spit at him but refrained ans got up to ask her. she said no anyway and ran into the kitchen herself to make it.
im worried about my husbands indecisivness, im worried in uk he will say ok lets go back to pak now cos hes “changed his mind”
hel never admit hes changed or say sorry hel just say bass main yeh kehra houn ab
you are making life difficult for him and yourself nadz...dont you understand he feels torn between you and his mother, and that's pure torture. If things keep on happening like this Im afraid he wont change his mind after going to uk but even before going and after you're gone.
Find your husband in a pleasant mood and talk to him, address your concerns and how it's affecting your relationship as well as your relationship with your MIL. There is constant tension in your house over petty issues. Making tea isn't a big deal (even if you don't like your MIL) just be courteous and ask her whenever you make it for yourself or your husband.
Pick.Your.Battles.Woman!!! We all know that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't...so why not just make the damn chai and roti regardless of what your MIL's reaction will be. At least then you'll have once less thing to hear from your husband. (and it does not matter one iota if he told you not to previously!)
You **must **find a way to come to peace with your situation. You know the old saying "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade"? Find a recipe for lemonade!!! You have so much pent up frustration, bitterness and negativity towards your life that it's almost like you're looking for trouble when it isn't there.
1.Your MIL's attitude is not going to change.
2. Your husband's duty towards his mother is not going to change.
3. Your husband's expectations for you to adjust to his family is not going to change.
So given those variables, YOU must find a way to change your thinking.
I suspect that the person you're most irritated with is not your husband or MIL..it's yourself.
And I wholeheartedly agree with what was said above....be careful...your husband's whole decision to relocate to UK after you've already left could change in the blink of an eye if all this keeps up
PS....why not divert your energies to figuring out how you're even going to get him there...arn't there issues with the whole immigration thing for him anyway? Have you solved those yet?
PS....why not divert your energies to figuring out how you're even going to get him there...arn't there issues with the whole immigration thing for him anyway? Have you solved those yet?
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^^ This! Do you guys have a plan how the two of you will work things out while his immigration is in process? How are the two of you going to manage finances? Are you going to get a job? etc etc....
Your husband knows that his mom will not want you to get or make her anything, however he wants you to at least ask her as a formality/courtesy. Maybe he wasn't clear in expressing/explaining that to you...OR...maybe he assumed that the formality of "asking" was already "implied" and assumed that you'd understand that.
So, just fulfill the formality, Nadz if it keeps the peace between you two. You have to try n understand things from his pont-of-view. Maybe he doesn't want to give his mom the chance to tell him, "Mainay to kabhi Nadz se kaha nahi k woh meray liye kuch banaye, par us main itni bhi tameez nahi k woh mujh se pooch le. In that sense, he's trying to look out for you and himself, so meet him halfway. Fulfill the formality.
As for the indecisiveness, it happens to all if us especially with major decisions like marriage, job, moving, kids, school, etc. But if it happens frequently with smaller decisions, then possible causes are anxiety (fear of missing out on a better deal or fear of a negative outcome), low self-image, and even depression. The last two are interesting in the sense that if your husband is currently unemployed then maybe he feels a loss of direction and control, so he tries to gain it by exerting control over smaller issues. He may not be depressed, but it's been tough for both of you and you need to understand that while he may not shed buckets of tears ....in some ways it is harder for him because he has to maintain the balance between being a son and a husband and a father. So, again, if you let some things slide off your shoulders....you'll alleviate some of his burden as well. Maybe some verbal support/encouragement from you when he makes decisions will help him stay firm after he's made them.
Also, this recent "indecisiveness" over asking for chai n roti could merely be a miscommunication (lack of clarity, assumption) and nothing more.
rv, what has happened to you recently? i am worried. and nadz probably looked at your post and decided better rub my mil's feet than read all that.. :\
Why don't you just get a divorce and put us all out of our misery?
This might not be an ideal comment but under the circumstances, I believe you should seriously think on what is happening in your life. Indecisiveness is a trait that is so common with everybody. You do not have to make a big deal out of it. When he mentioned that he did not want you to make chai for your MIL, he was just being very pragmatic. All things said and done, it does not hurt to ask. I think it is important that you have a frank discussion with your hubby and understand his perspective on what is happening. For all you know, he might be on GS. Imagine your MIL on GS being on GS and reading this posts :D
Besides, with the situation he is in I think he cant help. Imagine always being nagged by both wife and mom. He's bound to say one thing at one time and then get irritated/frustrated/flustered and say the completely opposite thing.
Even if he is like that nadz you need to understand that you have to let go, you are his wife not his mother, you cannot change him and you have bigger things to worry about
makes sure he writes it down next time AND get him to sign it, will be hard for him to get out of it then! It is frustrating, I understand where ur coming from, and the problem here is if u keep letting people like that get away with it they will repeat the behaviour, vicious cycle! The fact that u got up to make the tea without argument is good enough, just try not to answer back and cause friction
my husband cant make decisions. or if he does he changes his mind all the time. its sooooo infuriatating. why r people like this?
infact he even acts all dumb when i remind him hes alreadybsaid somethn dufferent before. for eg he does this about everything. todays idecisivness, well few days back he told me not to do anything fr his mother after she told me not to make her roti shel do it herself not to do this nthat etc so he said ok dnt dk anything now. i said is this ur final decision cos u make alot of decisions all the time depending on ur mood. he said yeah t is.
forward 3 days- he asks me why dnt i ask his mum for tea etc
Here we go againnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!*** i wanted to spit at him*** but refrained ans got up to ask her. she said no anyway and ran into the kitchen herself to make it.
im worried about my husbands indecisivness, im worried in uk he will say ok lets go back to pak now cos hes "changed his mind"
hel never admit hes changed or say sorry hel just say bass main yeh kehra houn ab
:@
Some men when afflicted with such wives become forgetful.
If you actually wanted to* spit on your husband* over such a trivial thing then you've got bigger issues in your marriage than your husband's indecisiveness..
