You say that your husband started behaving this way ever since you had your baby. A baby requires so much of your time and energy, it can be exhausting (causing crankiness, etc).....and this can reflect in your body language and attitude. Perhaps your husband feels that you're not giving him much attention....as mentioned by Sadzzz, above.
I'm just basing this guess of comments in your own post such as: "I try not to hold a grudge and start talking to him and joking around the next day and then he becomes normal. However, if I don't do that then he won't talk to me for 4-5 days."
^So, he responds positive to your joking and a more laid-back attitude.
"The problem is that ever since we had our first child, things have changed between us. We get into a lot more arguments and fights and instead of fighting and getting over it quickly as we used to, it escalates and he becomes incredibly angry to the point of calling me horrible names,"
^ Try not to let it escalate. When things start getting tense, remove yourself from the situation.....so you can think about things. Take a break....and pick and choose your battles.
***If you're feeling stressed...talk to your husband about it. Ask him if he can help you with taking care of the baby....so that you're not so tired.....and that way there could be more time for you and him.
*** When your husband is calm (you as well)....tell him how you feel about the cursing (especially if it has gotten out of control)...and let him know that you're not going to respond to him when he goes off like that. Just walk away. And resume discussion when you both have cooled down.
yes ! but the anger management issues were not always there ! they have just started. She said it that he was not like that before. There is something that is triggering his behaviour.
how do you know they weren't always there? how well did she know him before they got married?! i agree with PyariCgudia.
^ because she said it all started after they had baby !
may be it's something at work ! Some men really bring home tension & stress from work. It could be any other reason too.
It's most definitely not in the upbringing like Maya said when she threatened him that she will tell everything to her parents in law he got scared . Obviously he knows what he is doing is wrong and his parents would not approve it.
Some men are BORN like that, they bloody don’t need any baby or any work stress they just need to see your face and start hammering you
Yesterday my husband cursed me with every abusive word on this planet and what was the cause LOL “Tum nay phir is money plant ko pani nahi deeya” whereas that jerk do not know, u DON’T give water to it, everyday
she hasnt explained how often he swears at her… if its like 2 times a year where he loses the plot, can that not be forgiven?
I dont think its about colours being shown… yes he is probably a lot more comfortable with her to let that anger out. She did say he was afraid of his parents… maybe theres other underlying issues there?
I dont swear at all… but u know what, sometimes u just get soo soo angry… that u do feel like it, and yes, at times it has happened.. but the response from the other end has been more of laughter than of getting freaked out..
Khair, what i am trying to say is… depends on how often this is happening
A baby/child changes a lot of things. One minute ur spouse is ur number one priority, the next they are 2nd best. And it happens to women too from time to time… they may feel their child has taken more priority than them. But, i am not saying this is whats happening here.
That’s possible, but the OP said that problems started after the birth of the baby.
Try a more maddening strategy with your husband. Look him up and down…smile smugly (like he’s a blundering child)…and then in a condescending way…educate him about how money plant works. Gotta master the smug smile, lol.
Tell him "Haan nahi diya …apko itna dukh ho raha hai is money plant kay liye to app khud dey dain " God has given him two hands too tell him kay unka kuch use karley.
Ignore it. let him get over it and talk to him when ur both calm. And try not to talk about the issue that he raised.
Another thing, what are the issues that set him off? Maybe they arent even worth arguing about. Is that what sets off the anger... u arguing?
I might sound like as if you need to be the ever-submissive wife. But i am not.
Sometimes, to win a battle u just need to let it go. Ive learned that over-time and it does work very well. And trust me, the arguments will die down the less u retaliate.
There are always articles about how a baby can negatively change the relationship- and I think both of you are simply on edge right now (by the looks of the argument topics).I know you're going through a stressful time. But the thing is, he has crossed a line, and by putting up with this, you are letting him cross the line. He doesn't mean it, and he feels guilty about saying these things to you afterward, but if he keeps crossing that line, he will get used to it. I think like others said, you need to send a message that it is unacceptable. He is losing his temper, and i know this is extremely hard, you must keep your wits about you and give him time to cool down, and let yourself cool down, and then resume. Maybe when he starts, just like others said, go somewhere where he will leave you alone. and come back in 10 mins. He already told you he doesn't want to say these things to you and that he wont. He needs to catch himself and stop himself. I don't know if involving the in laws just yet is ok, maybe when you need to leave, just go to your in laws, where he can't say these things to you.
About not talking to you for 4-5 days, i think it's not that he's angry/holding a grudge, he just doesn't know how to make up, how to move past it, and you seem better at it, by joking or lightening the mood.
Oh comon, lets not make excuses for poorly bred people. He obviously wasn't taught not to curse, or at least the lessons didn't get through to him. He probably held it together for a couple of years and now is finally getting comfortable with her, and his real colors show through.
You can get angry and snap and have bad days, but if its a trend, then it needs to stop.
I said the same thing. He was raised in a family where it is fine to say that kind of things to others. Or at least when he was saying it, no one stopped him.
Ignore it. let him get over it and talk to him when ur both calm. And try not to talk about the issue that he raised.
Another thing, what are the issues that set him off? Maybe they arent even worth arguing about. Is that what sets off the anger... u arguing?
I might sound like as if you need to be the ever-submissive wife. But i am not.
Sometimes, to win a battle u just need to let it go. Ive learned that over-time and it does work very well. And trust me, the arguments will die down the less u retaliate.
In my case
I have stopped arguing, that IS THE ONLY REASON why we are together now. When i argued we had problems everyday. I am telling you, there is something seriously wrong in his head!!!!
whenever he comes from his mums house all day we don't talk. as if we are 2 strangers living together, and i so much hate the look which he gives me...
sister honay sey koi farq nahi parta …un kay liye rules and regulations alag hotain hai ya phir hotain hi nahi hain …if you don’t have SIL thank ALLAH because some of them can really make life hell…they are mostly living under the fear kay “humara bhai humaray hatho sey na nikal jaye !”
I am feeling so bad for your daughters. Can’t your husband see what impact his yelling and cursing is having on his daughters ? you are right tarbiyat hi aisi hui hai. I am glad you are independent enough to take care of them yourself …good you took them on drive.
I said the same thing. He was raised in a family where it is fine to say that kind of things to others. Or at least when he was saying it, no one stopped him.
Spiral ur very right,
In such families cursing on some level is not bad at all. In fact a part of their cousin family environment
Oh come on guys, he should not curse. Period. No matter what stress he has. Even if he does have any work related or baby related stress, why in the world would you say all that nasty stuff to your wife. Even if its her fault, shouldn't you talk about it like an adult?
Please don't give advices saying look at why he is doing it. OP's point is.. he is doing it.. and its wrong. If you argue, talk to your spouse like a grown up. Tell her/him she is wrong. If they don't listen, t here are other ways. Cussing it not one of them.
I always keep quite so at least when he looks at my 2 little girls he smiles. God knows how I am surviving now.
Now yesterday he came to me and said I want a son, I said I am not ready yet. WE are still not financially stable dear. Once we are surely we will go for one
you won’t believe what he replied me…
“Haan haan tum is liye nahi pregnant hona chahti kay tumhari market value jo down ho jaey gi”
uffffffff!!! AI really feel so shattered sometimes
His behaviour is unacceptable no doubts about that !
I know , you know , she knows and we all know that Maya's husband is wrong . He SHOULD NOT yell at her and curse her................there can be no excuse for it. But what difference would it make to the situation in hand ? we need a solution !
We need to understand the root cause of problem so the problem can be fixed. If Maya starts behaving that you are wrong and I am right and that is it ! Then what will happen to her marriage ? where would all this take her ? what will happen to her mental peace & sanity ?
She has already told him how she feels and he accepts his wrong behaviour but in few days he is back to his old behaviour. Acceptance of wrong behaviour on both sides is not yielding any result.
If she goes on to complain to her parents or parents in law then what if as a result her husband becomes more rebellious ? Like I said it's a very sensitive situation and needs to be handled very tactfully.
Oh come on guys, he should not curse. Period. No matter what stress he has. Even if he does have any work related or baby related stress, why in the world would you say all that nasty stuff to your wife. Even if its her fault, shouldn't you talk about it like an adult?
Please don't give advices saying look at why he is doing it. OP's point is.. he is doing it.. and its wrong. If you argue, talk to your spouse like a grown up. Tell her/him she is wrong. If they don't listen, t here are other ways. Cussing it not one of them.
Depends on how bad the argument is. If you know they are in a bad mood in the first place, dont push it. Simple.
why not be the better person and just leave it. Walk away? how is that being not being an adult?
Some people have mroe temper than others. He clearly does not swear all the time, if that were the case he would be doing it non-stop infront of his family.
Just cus he's a man, doesnt mean us females can say whatever.
Having said all this, i am not by any means saying swearing shoould be allowed. But if he loses his head once or twice a year, why does it make him such a bad person?
