Re: incident after BIL’s wedding
She take my money when I’m in need
Yea she’s a triflin’ friend indeed
Oh she’s a gold digger way over town
That digs on me
Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger
But she ain’t messin’ wit no broke niggaz
Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger
But she ain’t messin’ wit no broke niggaz
Re: incident after BIL's wedding
It was very low of your friend/deverani to make a huge issue on gifts and insult you. You don't need to be mad at in laws, your husband, or yourself. Be mad at for be so ungrateful and selfish.
You don't need to send her anything more then what you have already gift her.
If I were you, I would keep a distance from her.
Now that they are broke the sponges will mooch off of some other sucker
Re: incident after BIL's wedding
The $17,000 is gone. It's not coming back; what's done is done. Apart from anger and embarrassment, OP must also be feeling very hurt by her friend's response. Why increase her feeling of pain/shame by telling her that we're disgusted by her actions or by posting in a smug manner? Many of us may not have made the same mistake as her, but we might have goofed up big-time in other ways. None of us behave in a manner that reflects perfect sense, self-control, dignity, respect of oneself or even that of others at all times. I am not trying to encourage such spending of money, but at least OP's actions came from a good place and were not of a malicious nature.
Sarkha, there is no guarantee that your BIL would tell his wife the truth about your contribution to the wedding. He might be embarrassed to tell her if he fears it may make him appear less capable in his wife's eyes. Plus, he may even question his wife about her behavior toward you and she could get defensive and this in turn can fuel the tension. Or she may think you "tattled" on her. I think it's better if you talk to your devrani yourself. Before you do so, clarify to her that you are not looking for any "return" from her nor are you trying to "rub it in".....and that you want clarify her incorrect assumptions because she is now a member of the family and you don't want tension to exist. Then explain things to her, however DON'T tell her that you will buy her a gift in the future and don't impose such an unnecessary hassle upon yourself. She needs to realize that she shouldn't rush her assumptions. This incident contains lessons for both you and her. I don't think you should "reward" her poor behavior by giving her a gift of jewelry. It sends her the wrong message that her behavior was justified. You've done more than enough. Give her a calm clarification and the move on and maintain a civil attitude with one another.
Re: incident after BIL's wedding
Op, is it $17000 or you wrote it in error and it was $1700?
for a wedding taking place in Pakistan USD 17,000( that too as a part of the whole amount) is a lot of money. also considering the fact that wedding of a guy costs you lesser than the wedding of a girl in Pak. only the upper class people spend that kind of money on their weddings and as you mention that your in-laws have limited financial resources and so do you and your husband, i wonder what was the need in the first place to make the wedding party an extravagant affair. and irony is still your SIL said to you she was not happy with the overall wedding event. she seems to be the ungrateful kind. also complaining to you about not giving her the expensive gift is very cheap of her. if she was your true friend she would have felt happy for any gift you bought her and would not be weighing your intentions by the cost.
i really don't think that you should buy her another gift to mend your relations with her as whats even the point to mend your relations with someone who is ungrateful and materialistic person.
just ignore her comment and leave it like that, no need even to tell her you contributed too much for her wedding because a person like her would come up saying that you did this for your BIL and in-laws and not for her.
Re: incident after BIL's wedding
^17000 USD = 1.791.607,22 Pk rupees.
With the increasing prices these days and the high demands, I dont think 17000 USD is a lot of money on a wedding. Its a lot of money from OP to the wedding, but not the wedding itself if they r upper middle class. We spent 6-7 times the amount when my brother got married 10 years back when gold and such was a lot cheeper.
Re: incident after BIL's wedding
LMAO 17k. O-kay.. priorities are straight then.
Re: incident after BIL's wedding
^17000 USD = 1.791.607,22 Pk rupees.
With the increasing prices these days and the high demands, I dont think 17000 USD is a lot of money on a wedding. Its a lot of money from OP to the wedding, but not the wedding itself if they r upper middle class. We spent 6-7 times the amount when my brother got married 10 years back when gold and such was a lot cheeper.
We got it that you're from 'Elite Class".
Re: incident after BIL's wedding
Woah.
Just try to spend whatever money you have now wisely on the right situations. As for that girl, I'd pick up the phone and explain the financial strain and that you'd have liked to have gotten her a nice gift but currently your finances were too strained. And leave it at that. If she still makes a fuss you just simply state that you can't spend money you don't have. Loan money is money you don't have...
Re: incident after BIL’s wedding
You da man 
OP -
A gift is a GIFT. A gift is NOT an obligation. It is not mandatory to give.
Your SIL is being an ungrateful brat thinking she is in any place to demand gifts from people around her. I’d want someone to slap me square across the face if I ever became so ungracious of a person. It looks greedy, tacky and so unbelievably distasteful!
Lastly…if I were you…I’d never say a word about my contributions towards your SIL’s wedding. However, the situation is such that your SIL feels you haven’t done anything at all when in fact you’ve spent $17,000 that YOU will be paying off at some point for her wedding.
I think this girl needs to know so she stops squealing.