In love with the married guy who is friend of mine

Lifestyle Relationships
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I am 25 years old single girl been in love with the married guy. Before you all jump on me, met him at university when he was senior while i was sophomore. We were very good friends and fate took the turn and we both moved away from each other and disconnected

]2 years later, we happened to meet at the mutual friend's wedding. i found that he was already married. But we did exchanged numbers. We then started talking to each other week later and here we are 2 years, we both emotionally involved into each other. His wife has been suspicious of him. I met his wife too - long story.

What i know is, he is not happy with his marriage or with his wife. His was love marriage and constantly tells me he is not attracted to his wife and wants to end his marriage. He has no kids. He tells that she is very manipulative and controlling. And have anger issues. He is planning to leave his wife for me. Don't know when but he did promise me that he would leave her. It was his love marriage with her.

I?ve noticed I?ve become too attached even though that wasn?t my intention. I am jealous when he goes back to her. I sort of get stuck into thinking about all of the what if?s. I miss him all the time. We have some much chemistry physically that it drives me crazy and I feel like I can never get enough.

We usually see each other once or twice a week. He told me, he will let his wife go for me so her and i feel i am stuck between the rock.

Can someone help me?. And there is no way that i can leave him. He is very sweet and loving guy. Has anyone been in my situation before?. Do you think he will leave his wife for me?

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If he leaves his wife for you

can also leave you for someone else

first few years of marriage is roller coaster be it love or arranged

should try to fix instead of being distracted

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I am going to tell you some of the same things I have told a friend who is in a very similar position as yours..

first of all.. what makes you think that if he leaves his wife for you, that in the future he wont do the same for you? and don’t think its your love, because according to your post, his current wife was also love, so clearly that is not a determining factor of whether or not a marriage will last.

he is a cheater. plain and simple. no matter how you look at it, no matter the circumstance, at the end of the day, he is cheating on his wife with you. that makes you the other woman. do you really want to be with a man who cheats on his wife?

if he is not happy with his wife, why hasn’t he left her yet? why did he need you in his life first, in order to let go of her? this means, that if you hadn’t met again, he would have continued his marriage with her until who knows how long. until someone, anyone else came along?? how do you know you arent the first in his life as a side piece? YOU are the reason he is considering leaving his wife, thus, YOU are the reason his home is breaking/already broken. the very foundation of your relationship is based on a lie and deceit.

if it really has gotten to the point where you two are very serious about each other, he should stop his relationship with his wife asap. she is only as manipulative and has anger issues etc as much as he tells you. you don’t live with him, you don’t know how his wife really is.

put yourself in her shoes for one minute, and think.. I have this husband, we have issues just like any other married couple, but I just found out hes cheating on me. he didn’t have enough of a pair to tell me to my face that this marriage is over and wants to be with someone else, instead, hes doing it behind my back.. what a coward. if im such a manipulative/controlling etc person, it should be easy for him. think about it - how would that would make you feel?

looks like he is the manipulative one.. having his wife at home, and you on the side. he sure is so sweet and loving to have two women in his life !!! :smack::smack: would you want a man like this for your daughter?

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damn…already done ghapa gap? he telling that to you…so that you keep seeing him…

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I have heard this million times but not every guy in this situation is supposed to be bad one. My guy can’t even talk to his wife like people do in normal relationships. He tried to fix his marriage and i know this because as snitch it sounds i spoke to his wife too as a friend. She is complete
nut case.

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She can be a cow for all i care but is married and its a shadi/nikkah which both parties need to respect and deal with

and even if cant stand any longer then should divorce as the last option

but normally will want a piece of mind if divorced and not another women right away

i cant say who’s the nut case here

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He is not a cheater if he wants to marry me and be with me? He wants to make our relationship halal and his intentions is not bad. NEVER he had even touched me in bad way.

[quote]

if he is not happy with his wife, why hasn’t he left her yet? why did he need you in his life first, in order to let go of her? this means, that if you hadn’t met again, he would have continued his marriage with her until who knows how long. until someone, anyone else came along?? how do you know you arent the first in his life as a side piece? YOU are the reason he is considering leaving his wife, thus, YOU are the reason his home is breaking/already broken. the very foundation of your relationship is based on a lie and deceit.

if it really has gotten to the point where you two are very serious about each other, he should stop his relationship with his wife asap. she is only as manipulative and has anger issues etc as much as he tells you. you don’t live with him, you don’t know how his wife really is

[quote]

He hadn’t left her because as per him he has been trying to work on their relationship and so far hasn’t been working. And he is on verge of giving up. They stopped talking to each other for now. And he talked with his family about it and his mom is on his side.
He just needs to take care of couple of things before he tells her off.

I am sorry i cannot put myself in her shoes because i am ME and she is SHE. I understand problem comes in the marriage as no marriage is perfect but she is some other live b***
I know my guy would be better off with me than her.

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When we talked, we were talking as friends. But we both fell in love with each other along the way. He has decided to end his marriage with her. no turning back. I know this because he has appointment with the lawyer on Monday.

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OP - what do you define as cheating? In your case, you are having relations with a married man.. what would he have to do for you to consider him cheating on you once you two are together.? A kiss with another woman? A handshake? Sleeping together? There is also emotional cheating too. What are your thoughts on that?

You should think of her point of view as well.. its called empathy… if you two end up together, and he started seeing another girl on the side, how would that make you feel? And dont think for a second he would never do that, because he is already doing that to someone else. So he is very capable of such.

from your post, you say that you have been physical already. Yet, after the physical relations, now he wants to make it halal? I am no religious expert however, How is this halal, when he has a wife yet, has physical relations with you?

Tread carefully on the path you are about to embark. Open your eyes a little in the face of love

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Kurri,

AkaPrincess raises a good point by asking you how you define cheating ma’am. Two people can keep their clothes on at all times and their hands completely to themselves and have an emotional affair. It’s called emotional cheating.

The 2 days a week that he spends with you…he should be using those 2 days in bonding with his wife, in trying to save his marriage. Stop meeting him. These 2 times a week meetings that you are having with him are NOT halal even if you both don’t touch each other. You have absolutely no Islamic or moral haqq or right over those 2 days he spends with you. The only female that has the haqq and right over his time is his wife…not you…

You met this guy after 2 years and within only 1 week he started chatting with you??? Wow, this very sweet guy is very very …FAST in connecting with another girl outside of his wife. Jis banday ne seriously apni shadi bachani ho, woh kisi aur larki k saath raabtay (contact) main nahi rahega.

It’s an immature thing to say that I am Me and I am not Her and She is She and She will never be Me. It’s important to put ourselves in other person’s shoes to have ehsaas. So put yourself in the wife’s shoes. Would you like it if your husband rekindled a friendship with a female uni colleague and started talking with her regularly and meeting her twice a week? I’m sure you wouldn’t. Maybe you will not admit this because it is an uncomfortable thought. But why did you even have to start chatting with a married man in the first place? It was not necessary. To have a friendship, there are sooo many single men out there you can talk to and who don’t come with drama.

Maybe this guy has some bad habits that his wife is very annoyed and hurt by. Of course this guy is not going to tell you all the ghaltiyan that he made from his side. He is not going to tell you about all his bad habits that upset his wife. You don’t live with this married couple 24 hours a day and so you don’t know all the intimate details of their marriage. They had a love marriage so that means they spent a lot of time together before getting married. If she really is the nutcase that you say she is, then those nutcase signs should have appeared when he was dating his wife. Just because his mom is supporting him is not that significant I think because many Desi mother-in-laws don’t like their bahus. If other members of his family are not supporting him about the divorce, maybe they have valid reasons.

I think maybe on inside your are feeling doubtful or confused about your relationship otherwise why did you create this thread? Something maybe is bothering you about it and you also have to think if your own family will accept him for you. Your responses show that you don’t wanna listen to anyone who says that you should forget about this guy. You wanna marry him but looks like you are not 100% confident about this decision and thats why you are asking us. But if you don’t want advice then what you want from us? I think most peoples will tell you to forget him and you don’t wana do that. So better is if you pray and ask Allah sincerely to guide you to the best direction.

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You still went ahead and knowingly exhanged numbers with a married man and not just that, you kept in touch with him while he was still married? And then you also have the guts to talk **** about his wife, making it appear as if she is the problem?
And now you are here so that other people can tell and further convince you what a good job you did and that both you
and that coward did not do aything wrong but instead are both innocent? Lmao
Karma is a *****. No sympathy for cheaters.

If someone truly wants to save something, he is not going to keep in contact with a side chick. I wonder how it feels to be (one of) the reason someone’s marriage ended. If you had sense of right and wrong, you would have distanced yourself, and if he would have divorced her and then approached you then still messed up but your conscience would have not made you start this thread.
Makes me wonder what is wrong with the guy, mentally.

Do tauba, ask Allah for forgiveness and let that dude go. It may feel like love, but that’s what his first wife thought too. Divine payback will hurt more.

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So sad to see that “your” guy’s mother and his side chick (both women themselves!) are not holding him accountable for anything but are blindly supporting him in another woman’s suffering instead.
When women become other women’s enemies, why the need to curse such men… afsoos.

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How can i think of her pov when she is clearly the most stubborn and doesn’t even respect my guy. You have to respect each other in marriage as a couple. Other day she threw lamp on him and was bleeding from his head. Didn’t even complaint to no-one. While he hadn’t even touched her.
And why you may ask/ Because he brought wrong fruit from the store. She is psycho!!. I told him to divorce her ass out then she learns this lesson and stop domestic abuse. And this is not the first time she had hurt him physically. Don’t tell me it’s his wife so she can do whatever she wants.
I can’t tolerate being hurt like this. He had a good meeting with a lawyer today.

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The two days he spends with her will drive him crazy. That is why i asked to stay with me for two days. Read my previous thread and know what kind of psycho woman is she. We are getting married anyway so these won’t matter anymore.
When i love someone, you suppose to love, cherish and respect them. He doesn’t say anything to no-one because ppl always blame the guy.

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From your responses it looks like your first language is Urdu. So here goes..

Bibi …tum …ABB…aa kar bataa rahi ho that his wife throws vases at him for bringing the wrong fruit? Tum pehlay nahi bataa sakti thi so that people could get a better understanding of the situation? Surely you owed it to the LOVE you feel for him to share all details with us. Why don’t you use the 2 days he spends to teach him how to catch flying objects and buy the right fruit. Anyhoo :rolleyes:

Secondly, is thread laganay ka kya maqsad tha? You clearly are not looking for naseehat. You have glossed over some valid questions and you are not seeking advice on if this guy will be good for you because you are determined to wed him. So you want us to congratulate you on your upcoming wedding …provided your parents accept him of course? Alright then. Mubarak. There you go, baat khatam, case closed.

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Ahh

the guppy by the name of bobby

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I read first post, and rest I don’t want to read.
His marriage is not in good condition, but if he divorce and get with you. What are the chances that he will not complain?

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I can’t wait for the follow up to this thread.

“Hello I am sonnykuri. I am 27 years old and my marriage to my college friend is falling apart. He is telling me that he is not attracted to me anymore and that he wants to leave me. He says I am manipulative and controlling. He has been meeting up with his work friend and they are forming an emotional connection. How do I keep him from divorcing me?”

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fair dinkum, I would be miffed with my codger 2 if i tuld em to bring us a mango and they brung us grapefruit

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arey yar jab mian biwi razi to kya karega Qazi.

JA SIMRAN JA.. JEELE APNI ZINDAGI..

#Shadimubarak