iv been married 8months now & have been living with my in laws from day one. for me the biggest change was not being able to see my parents & family whenever i wanted, for some reason my in laws have a problem with me spending one day in the week with them whereas my sister in law comes over every weekend & spends both days at the house..
Another thing i found hard was that my sil's never do ne housewrk, my mil just gets on with things & even though she dsnt ask me to get up, being the bahu iv got into the habit of following & helping my mil around all the tm...i'm not bitter but yes occasionally i get tired and upset but at the end of the day i have to remind myself that this is now my house & just get on with it
my advice to u would be:
1) start as you mean to go on else they will always expect the same from you
2) make an effort with ur in laws as ur husband will not appreciate & love u more for it but your life will be easier if ur in laws like u & vice versa
3) try to have an independant life aswel so your not in eachothers faces all the tm- that is how most problems arise.
4) be patient & tolerant & be prepared to bite your tongue..its better to stay silent then to say the wrong thing! also adjusting takes time so give them a chance.
5) don't be scared but be aware that problems do arise, deal with them in a mature manner, remembering that family matters can have an affect your marriage- so make sure you dont let them
most importantly remember your starting a new life with ur husband, living with the in laws etc comes later...just focus on eachother & the happy times ahead, love eachother, respect & care for each other and never let family stuff get in the way of your relationship!
The first months of marriage are so special dont let thoughts about living with the in laws take over, think about the special times that you will get to share with your husband! inshallah all will work out x
I dont live with my in laws, but I have a few tips too
Never fight with your husband in front of his parents...no matter whose wrong or right, their son will always be right and you will look bad
Never bother arguing with your MIL, its just not worth it...
Try and spend weekends away for small trips after every month..even if its just to another city, it shall be good 2 spend some time away from the family
Never ever badmouth your husbands parents to your husband..even if he is doing that 4 some reason!
Always stick up for your husband
The worst thing I found was to be asked 2 be dressed up like a dulhan all the time lol but I think thats expected from every dulhan in the first few months! but i must say my saas is exceptionally nice and really modern mashallah so I wouldnt mind living with them...you just have to think of them as your parents and think how would you want your bhabi to treat your parents and do the same..
The problem we have is that people always say treat ur saas like ur mum, but we make the biggest mistake..we call them ammi but never treat them like how you would treat your ammi..if everyone strated doing that then we wouldnt have any problems.
iv been married 8months now & have been living with my in laws from day one. for me the biggest change was not being able to see my parents & family whenever i wanted, for some reason my in laws have a problem with me spending one day in the week with them whereas my sister in law comes over every weekend & spends both days at the house..
Another thing i found hard was that my sil's never do ne housewrk, my mil just gets on with things & even though she dsnt ask me to get up, being the bahu iv got into the habit of following & helping my mil around all the tm...i'm not bitter but yes occasionally i get tired and upset but at the end of the day i have to remind myself that this is now my house & just get on with it
my advice to u would be:
1) start as you mean to go on else they will always expect the same from you
2) make an effort with ur in laws as ur husband will not appreciate & love u more for it but your life will be easier if ur in laws like u & vice versa
3) try to have an independant life aswel so your not in eachothers faces all the tm- that is how most problems arise.
4) be patient & tolerant & be prepared to bite your tongue..its better to stay silent then to say the wrong thing! also adjusting takes time so give them a chance.
5) don't be scared but be aware that problems do arise, deal with them in a mature manner, remembering that family matters can have an affect your marriage- so make sure you dont let them
most importantly remember your starting a new life with ur husband, living with the in laws etc comes later...just focus on eachother & the happy times ahead, love eachother, respect & care for each other and never let family stuff get in the way of your relationship!
The first months of marriage are so special dont let thoughts about living with the in laws take over, think about the special times that you will get to share with your husband! inshallah all will work out x
Aishi
Why is your saas so afraid of allowing you to visit your parents once a week? Is she afraid that you'll go there and gossip about her? It doesn't make sense to me. She needs to understand that nobody can replace your parents, they did so much for you. And it's HYPOCRISY for your saas to allow her own daughter to visit often but to prevent you from doing the same. It's pathetic. God forbid......if there is an emergency with your parents in the future....is your MIL still going to place that limit on you? Life is so unpredictable, you never know what's going to happen with either yourself or your parents for that matter. And i don't think it's right for one to come to a point where they regret not being able to spend enough time with their parents cuz they can't be replaced. If you have a good relationship with your husband, please bring up these points with him. And maybe he can talk to his mom nicely about this. It's ZULM to not let someone see their own parents.....there is no place in Islam for this.
Most MIL try to be as good but they have their OWN FEARS.
You see, in old days, MIL was NOT taught to be an independent person financially. She was ALWAYS dependent. She was ALWAYS thought that when her son grows up he will be the "care taker".
So her fears are that the DIL will "take" her pillar of "support" because the girls now a days are very much "self indulgent" type.
So if a DIL shows that she is not there to take away the MIL's security, then the MIL can also loosen up and be a "safe" MIL.
I can’t believe I am responding to this - but here it is
mistypurplespark](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/members/mistypurplespark.html) my dear - why are you thinking about this now? If you go into a situation with preconceived notions and strategies when you haven’t even given them a chance yet.
In laws are human just like you and me and your parents. In the end, they just want some “izzat” and respect.
Pray for your marriage and that you find happiness and use this time to spend with your mom and dad and brothers and sisters.
I love my in-laws, they are fabulous! But I still would not live with them full time. I don't mind having them stay with us when they come to visit etc, but I guess I just like my independence.
But all the other ladies are right, the fact that you WANT to get along with them is the very best way to start. The rest should sort itself out since it all depends on the expectations and types of personalities involved.
hey nj gal... thanks for respondin and puttin in ur two cents. ur rite bout not goin in wid pre concieved notions but the only reason ppl post in dis forum is to knw to try to learn and knw hw to hadle certain situations in a good way and nt commit certain horendiusly stupid mistakes dat some girls commit and ve realy awful experiences.
neways hope u and njmasti open up ur firm n give us all some free concelin. :D gudluck
^MPP.. u wont ever know what ur in-laws are like unless u start living with them.. we're all here to help one another but in the end its the trust and respect factor that counts the most..
be urself.. if u love ur in-laws trust me they'll accept and love u back!
i don't really know why they don't like it, i get really upset esp as i have a disabled sister at home who misses me so much :( it really hurts esp as they live 10mins away! but iv changed in the sense i don't really ask, i get ready every sunday & say im going to spend the day at mums (in the nicest way poss) & although i can tell they aren't too pleased i ignore it and go lol otherwise i no i will start to get bitter about it, i think i might have to confront them about it, iv spoken to my husband who sez that my mil loves me and always wants me to be with the family- which i reli dont think is the case lol apart from that i love my in laws
^ U got the right idea there, DON'T ASK, JUST TELL THEM that you are going. If you ask for permission for one thing, they will expect that it is their right to give you permission for everything.
