ok… so hi everyon on gs… love u guys for ur info and help n adives that i read around.. they helped me a lot to…
ok so the thing is im gona get married soon inshallah n wil ve to live wid my inlaws n fiances older bro n his wife n kids… like everyone togtr… so any adive on hw to maintain good relations n where to draw the line… and hw do u guys handle meetin ur in laws for the first time… wt shud one talk bout or b like.. i knw u ve to b urself but u cnt jus yap .. im worried bout first impressions… ve onyl spoken to my mil on the phone abhi tak nt in person so im a bit queezy from inside bout it. wud love help from anyone! thank u guys for readin dis n replyin…
Re: in laws n living with them
uff yaar why to create tension in your life. why why yaar? be happy. tomorrow you die and people say life too short. so be happy and find ways to not be unhappy and in tension.
living with inlaws = tension. and you are asking where to draw the line? vhat nonsence yaar!
okay you wanting to make them happy. you better be ready to cook food all the time, iron clothes, take no naps during day, wear gold jewellery all the time as that is what a new bride does, dress smart all the time. nod your head and agree to everything. never answer back to mother in law. hand all jewellery money passport to mother in law. oh i am getting heart attack just giving such advise which i am agaisnt!
why yaar you doing this? yaar why you no move in own home with new husband? ya ya.
Re: in laws n living with them
hmmmmm do u have a bhabhi??i mean if yes then what do u expect from her??like how she can behave with u with mom..and what do u dont like about her..
but if no...
maine buhat suna hai ke shadi ke starting wale din buhat zaroori hote hain..apni image banane ke liye...like starrting mai Dulhan idhar udhar ghoomne mai busy hoti hai INLAWS ko time nahi de pati to wo log samjhte hain ke may be she is rude or something..or may be she dont want to involve with us..
isliye starting mai hi unhe apni family jesa samjhna chahiye...try to have dinner lunch together....unke reletives ayen to unke sath bethe unse baren karne...
aur kabhi is apne Inlaws ke samne apne parents ko unse compare karne ki bat na kare ke "hamare haan aesa hota tha..yeh hota tha..yahan aesa kuch nahi",,
kabhi kabhi choti choti baten hi jo hum karte hain hamari image ko bana bhi sakti hain aur bighar bhi sakti hain..
mistypurplespark,
The first thing to accept and understand is that there will always be ups and downs in** EVERY** relationship. If it is easy for a person to get into arguments with their **own **parents and siblings....then it's not unusual to get into arguments with others. Some days with your in-laws will be better than others. Some people you will get along with more easily than others.
Often times a mother-in-law (MIL) and sister-in-law (SIL) think that the bahu will will steal the son/brother away and so they get jealous and resort to nit-picky behavior. Try to show your in-laws that you are like a member of their own family and try to bond with everyone. Don't just stay glued to your husband all the time. Hang out with your MIL and SIL, help them out with the chores around the house, and talk to them. Giving gifts is also a nice way to develop bonds and affection. And SOMETIMES (NOT ALL THE TIME) if you and hubby decide to go out....invite them to come also. BUT DON'T DO THIS ALL THE TIME. Because you also need time to bond alone as a couple. And on the days that you and hubby go out alone.....bring back something nice for your in-laws. For example, if you both go to restaurtan....bring back some food for you MIL. Or if you both go traveling....bring back some small gifts for the others.
You can talk to your MIL and SIL about vairous topics (fashion, cooking, hobbies, movies, etc.) You can go shopping with them, go to the movies, rent a movie and watch it at home with them, try out new recipes together, etc.
Don't engage in gossiping or backbiting. If someone says anything negative to you, don't repeat it to anyone else. Avoid making negative complaints to anyone within your in-laws. Because you can't always trust people. Be diplomatic. And while bonding with your in-laws...also connect with your husband. If you and him have a strong bond....then he can hopefully b more supportive of you if problems arise with other members of the family. Hope this helps.
Congratualations and best wishes.
uff yaar why to create tension in your life. why why yaar? be happy. tomorrow you die and people say life too short. so be happy and find ways to not be unhappy and in tension.
living with inlaws = tension. and you are asking where to draw the line? vhat nonsence yaar!
okay you wanting to make them happy. you better be ready to cook food all the time, iron clothes, take no naps during day, wear gold jewellery all the time as that is what a new bride does, dress smart all the time. nod your head and agree to everything. never answer back to mother in law. hand all jewellery money passport to mother in law. oh i am getting heart attack just giving such advise which i am agaisnt!
why yaar you doing this? yaar why you no move in own home with new husband? ya ya.
:@:
Re: in laws n living with them
to be honest, u dont need advice. especially from ppl u do not know, as in all of us online. u dont know who has had what kinda experience in their married lives and living with in laws.... some advice can leave u messed in the head and most often than not, lots of advice works against your betterment ....
depend on ure common sense and keep a broad mind. once ure married and living with ure in laws, and start having issues, come back for advice. it will be easier to solve an issue than try to give u heads up on every little thing that can go wrong or right... half hte things ppl mention here, u probalby wont even encounter but could put the wrong kinda thoughts and ideas in ure head...
ok serious advice anyone...????
lol hahaha i cant stop laughing. lol
Re: in laws n living with them
Kinzz, that was good advice.
mistypurplespark: your concern for wanting to get along with them is already a good start. They should be able to sense that and will appreciate your efforts. :)
Sensible ladies - posttttttttttttt here. Me interested too!!!
Re: in laws n living with them
When in doubt, do without. If you dont know what to say, say nothing at all.
Re: in laws n living with them
But what if you know what to say but you don't know that they also have something to say and these two sayings will not go good together?
ok serious advice anyone...????
uff yaar i give you advie and you no take it. vhat nonsence yaar.
u think you know everything okay no problem. thats good. next time i come to you for advase yaar. ya ya.
ok... so hi everyon on gs... love u guys for ur info and help n adives that i read around.. they helped me a lot to.... ok so the thing is im gona get married soon inshallah n wil ve to live wid my inlaws n fiances older bro n his wife n kids... like everyone togtr... so any adive on hw to maintain good relations n where to draw the line...... and hw do u guys handle meetin ur in laws for the first time... wt shud one talk bout or b like.. i knw u ve to b urself but u cnt jus yap .. im worried bout first impressions...... ve onyl spoken to my mil on the phone abhi tak nt in person so im a bit queezy from inside bout it. wud love help from anyone! thank u guys for readin dis n replyin.....
i hav learnt from my experience that if u really want inlaws happy then never b urself infront of ur inlaws only b wat they like or expect of u.simple.otherwise they'll keep critizing u.
ppl who tell u b urself just misguide u or hav no exp of their own.the truth is dealing with inlaws needs lots of politics n tactics n coming to their level to understand n win them."jaisa dais waisa bhais"
mistypurplespark,
The first thing to accept and understand is that there will always be ups and downs in** EVERY** relationship. If it is easy for a person to get into arguments with their **own **parents and siblings....then it's not unusual to get into arguments with others. Some days with your in-laws will be better than others. Some people you will get along with more easily than others.
Often times a mother-in-law (MIL) and sister-in-law (SIL) think that the bahu will will steal the son/brother away and so they get jealous and resort to nit-picky behavior. Try to show your in-laws that you are like a member of their own family and try to bond with everyone. Don't just stay glued to your husband all the time. Hang out with your MIL and SIL, help them out with the chores around the house, and talk to them. Giving gifts is also a nice way to develop bonds and affection. And SOMETIMES (NOT ALL THE TIME) if you and hubby decide to go out....invite them to come also. BUT DON'T DO THIS ALL THE TIME. Because you also need time to bond alone as a couple. And on the days that you and hubby go out alone.....bring back something nice for your in-laws. For example, if you both go to restaurtan....bring back some food for you MIL. Or if you both go traveling....bring back some small gifts for the others.
You can talk to your MIL and SIL about vairous topics (fashion, cooking, hobbies, movies, etc.) You can go shopping with them, go to the movies, rent a movie and watch it at home with them, try out new recipes together, etc.
Don't engage in gossiping or backbiting. If someone says anything negative to you, don't repeat it to anyone else. Avoid making negative complaints to anyone within your in-laws. Because you can't always trust people. Be diplomatic. And while bonding with your in-laws...also connect with your husband. If you and him have a strong bond....then he can hopefully b more supportive of you if problems arise with other members of the family. Hope this helps.
Congratualations and best wishes.
wow redvelevt..... u ve some good adive. i like the last bit a lot..... i think we women shudnt engage in gossipin or backbitin at all n specialy tn if ur stayin wid ur bhabi n MIL in the same house. i dont wannab one of those nasty DILz.... im gona try keepin ur adive in mind... n gr8 idea for bringin something back after bein out with my husband.ownder y i dint think of it. thans alot of ur reply. gave me some good points to build up on.lovin u thanks
Re: in laws n living with them
Hey misty,
What kind of person are you like? How would you describe yourself? What expectations do you have from them? What expectations do you think you would have of a DIL/SIL in the future? What do your friends describe you as-- more nurturing or more independent? I think no matter what, you have to put up your best face/act, and really be openminded. Play up your strengths, but still be involved in your less favored activities. If you're great at shopping for deals, but can't get yourself around a kitchen, go shopping with your in-laws, but afterwards sincerely help the ladies for dinner or chores- it doesn't take much to wash veggies or something or push a vacuum, but it helps A LOT.
YOu may have to face some criticism, but it will get better with time if you listen to it. If your in-laws think you should know how to do something, volunteer to learn it from them and don't be arrogant about it. Do a little here and a little there, and if they expect more (within reason) then go through with it. Just cooperate, and let little things slide. and like others said, take the time to focus on the women of the household, not just your husband. Not many are as evil as they are portrayed on TV or movies or even in gossip, I'm sure your family will be loving and welcoming.
Good luck!
Re: in laws n living with them
ummm i dun agree wid khawateen.. i kinda think ppl who ve been there done dt.. knw the right way of handlin things sumtimes..... we shud use our comman sense but sumtimes girls like me who r sorta clueles bout stuff wud appreciate any advice or talk from other girls who ve been in same situations and knw way btr how stuff shud b handled.... but i appreciate u takin some time out n replyin.im just lookin for some knw hws on hw to deal wid in laws n livin wid em in a cordial and happy way insted of goin thru loads of beckering and backbitin and nastiness...so only way for that is to listen and learn from ppl on hw to imrpove on handlin situations and bein a good person.....
also mabrook.... mayb ur rite... i always preached and thoguht that being urself and nt being fake is the way to be. but sumtimes to make ppl happy and to not give em a chance to find nukhs in u u gotta be a bit diplomatic like redvelvet said......
hmmmmm do u have a bhabhi??i mean if yes then what do u expect from her??like how she can behave with u with mom..and what do u dont like about her..
but if no...
maine buhat suna hai ke shadi ke starting wale din buhat zaroori hote hain..apni image banane ke liye...like starrting mai Dulhan idhar udhar ghoomne mai busy hoti hai INLAWS ko time nahi de pati to wo log samjhte hain ke may be she is rude or something..or may be she dont want to involve with us..
isliye starting mai hi unhe apni family jesa samjhna chahiye...try to have dinner lunch together....unke reletives ayen to unke sath bethe unse baren karne...
aur kabhi is apne Inlaws ke samne apne parents ko unse compare karne ki bat na kare ke "hamare haan aesa hota tha..yeh hota tha..yahan aesa kuch nahi",,
kabhi kabhi choti choti baten hi jo hum karte hain hamari image ko bana bhi sakti hain aur bighar bhi sakti hain..
hey kinz. yeah i do ve a bhabi.... vent interactd wid her mcuh cept for salams n hw r things goin on the phone.thats bout it.
n i totlay agree wid ur adive of tryin to make em feel like der my fmaily n im a part of ders and nt mentionin wt my fmaily did or dint all da time. i thoguht of dt too. gues dts da best way to break da ice and make em feel im nt some girl stealin der boy!!:P..... n i feel u on the choti choti baten wali baat... dts so tru... im scared mayb i might say sumthin dt might not b appropriate according to someoneelse n might take it in da wrong sense and get a bad impression bout me.... hope i avoid bein dt stupid and think over my words in my head b4 sayin it out. ....
Hey misty,
What kind of person are you like? How would you describe yourself? What expectations do you have from them? What expectations do you think you would have of a DIL/SIL in the future? What do your friends describe you as-- more nurturing or more independent? I think no matter what, you have to put up your best face/act, and really be openminded. Play up your strengths, but still be involved in your less favored activities. If you're great at shopping for deals, but can't get yourself around a kitchen, go shopping with your in-laws, but afterwards sincerely help the ladies for dinner or chores- it doesn't take much to wash veggies or something or push a vacuum, but it helps A LOT.
YOu may have to face some criticism, but it will get better with time if you listen to it. If your in-laws think you should know how to do something, volunteer to learn it from them and don't be arrogant about it. Do a little here and a little there, and if they expect more (within reason) then go through with it. Just cooperate, and let little things slide. and like others said, take the time to focus on the women of the household, not just your husband. Not many are as evil as they are portrayed on TV or movies or even in gossip, I'm sure your family will be loving and welcoming.
Good luck!
hey snazzy
im an openminded person...... inbetween bein independant and very nurturin.... i like to be the one who cn try n doo it all.... wel i try but its impossible..... neways... i dont reli expect anythin form my MIL or SIL i just want to ve a good cordial relationship wid em instead of da beckerin and competition filled environment from the min u open ur eyes. id rather get along and jus live like i lvie wid my own family.. wel dt cnt reli happen i get that but i hope it does to an extent..... and my husband wil b doin his residency n wont b around that mcuh n wen he is i dont want him to listen to all sorta of beckerin and backbitin bout the stuff dt happend while he wasn here.. plus since il ve to spend time wid al of em i wanna maintain a good realtionship wid em. i can cook n mae fun treats for em to eat n shop wid em.. but i wonder where shud i draw the line?? wt if i over do it.... and den sometimes wen im nt upto it its expectd fo em n den im hated a bit..... i want a good balance..... enjoy my life n keep ppl around me sorta hppy to i knw cnt keep everyone happy all the time. but id like to nt make many mistakes from my side.......
oh man i hate criticism.. it makes me cry like a baby.. im scared out of my wits for dt and i wil need time to study for my stuff and der wil b times i cnt help around da house so i hope no one hates me for it... another concern of mine. hw do u balance ur studies and in laws at da same time..... i dun wnat arguemtns between me n my hubby to b on that after wer married....... hop i get to deal wid it in time......
i hope i wont b arrogant.....
ok so ppl... wen ur in a mood! u knw dt mood where u dun rlei wanna tlak to anyone n ur jus psd as hell for weird reasons u duno n ur prone to lash out at anyone who talks to u.. wt if at those moments u say sutmhin u shdu ve or wud sound kinda off to the samne wala person... hw do u guys handle dt situations... any good ideas in controlin ur moods n nt showin it to ppl ur stayin wid....
When in doubt, do without. If you dont know what to say, say nothing at all.
what me sayin nuthin at all is taken in the sense dt im an arrogant person or it gives out some wrong signals to em in that sense?