My in-laws are officially making my life misrable during this whole wedding planning. I know you are suppose to pick and choose your battles but they are making a point to change everything that I want. If I say black they say white.
They have even gone to the point to frame my family and say they are disrepectful b/c we are not giving stuff to the groom that they are making us. Can they demand us to give him stuff? They said if we dont give all these things they will also take away stuff that have given me (My family is shocked at their comments) I dont make a big deal about it with my family b/c I come from a pretty traditional family and my parents would go crazy if they knew how I was being treated by them. I feel like they just want to take over everything and show they are in control.
Should I just back off and NOT care about my wedding and just let them do it or should I fight for my rights. I am afraid if I do then they will walk all over me in the future.
Just a little background:
A) We had an “arranged marraige” so its not like we are having a love marriage and they did not pick me
B) My fiance has been on my side most of the time but now im starting to see him make excuses for his family too
C) I have NEVER disrespected them (they walk all over me however ive always given them the respect b/c that is how I was raised)
D) I always dealt with their stuff in a civil matter. I am just shocked at what they said about my parents
PLEASE HELP as now its getting to a point where its causing problems between my fiance and I =(
E) Reconsider marrying into this family. They don't sound like nice people. You're not even married and they're all about making demands and asking for things. Wtf. What happens when you are married? They treat you like the new maid in the house? If there's no respect to begin with between families, consider that a warning sign. It's a big problem. You're not being bought for their son. They don't get to bargain over "your price".
OMG I feel for you, you poor thing this should be the most happyiest time for you planning the wedding and stuff.
Right, they have NO right to demand anything from you or your family, if they want to play childish games like wanting to remove stuff they have for you from your gifts let them. Im sure your buying yourslef stuff too.
If they have said your rude towards them let them say it, as long as you know you haven't been.
Trust me stand your ground or they'll treat you like a push over once your married too.
Your fiance needs a kick up the backside (sorry) had to say it.....
thery r asking for stuff n threatning to take things bck from u (thts really cheap of them this shows their mentality)
ur fiance is not wth u n making excuses for his family(so he l never support u after wedding as well)
they r saying bad things about ur parents not at all appropriate
i know its very difficult n tough desicion to walk out but at this point its better to reconsider whether u want to be part of such ppl n u can live wth them bc later it will be more hurting for u if u want to walk out just think over it again n again n as ur family is aware of all the things discuss wth them
I know ..........I was soooooooo excited in the begining of the planning. But now ive given up. I dont even care how anything turns out anymore. They put up a fight for everything.......even to as what time the events will be. They picked a time for my nikkah very late very well knowing I was going to have to change my clothes and redo my hair/makeup. My parents asked sooo kindly to do it earlier b/c I have to get dressed again for the reception but they didnt back down.
Now I wont get to my own reception until 10:30-11 pm at night which will also make them upset (b/c now im not on time)........Im soooo lost...........I love my fiance to death and he has supported me through all this however lately ive seen him make excuses for how they act towards me. Thats what scares me.
My parents would die if I broke the engagement (as that did cross my mind) =(
Not b/c of my finance b/c im scared what his family will do to me later is why I was even thinking about not going through with this.
Im soooooooo lost b/c again I really do love my finace but will that be enough to keep our marriage going or will they always cause problems between us. I just cant take anyone disrespecting my parents the way they are.
My in-laws are officially making my life misrable during this whole wedding planning. I know you are suppose to pick and choose your battles but they are making a point to change everything that I want. If I say black they say white.
**They have even gone to the point to frame my family **and say they are disrepectful b/c we are not giving stuff to the groom that they are making us. Can they demand us to give him stuff? They said if we dont give all these things they will also take away stuff that have given me (My family is shocked at their comments) I dont make a big deal about it with my family b/c I come from a pretty traditional family and my parents would go crazy if they knew how I was being treated by them. I feel like they just want to take over everything and show they are in control.
Should I just back off and NOT care about my wedding and just let them do it or should I fight for my rights. I am afraid if I do then they will walk all over me in the future.
Just a little background:
A) We had an "arranged marraige" so its not like we are having a love marriage and they did not pick me
**B) My fiance has been on my side most of the time but now im starting to see him make excuses for his family too
**C) I have NEVER disrespected them (they walk all over me however ive always given them the respect b/c that is how I was raised)
D) I always dealt with their stuff in a civil matter. I am just shocked at what they said about my parents
PLEASE HELP as now its getting to a point where its causing problems between my fiance and I =(
The wedding has not happened and his family is already talking crap about your family. Your fiance is already starting to make excuses for their behavior. This was arranged so its not like you're super "in love" with him.
Can you please explain why you even want to go through this marriage right now? Do you honestly believe their behavior will get better AFTER the wedding? Right now, this is their "best" behavior.
Do not for a single minute think that the in-laws will change after the wedding. And it looks like your fiance is already making it clear that he will stand by his family. You really need to think about whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life dealing with this behavior.
FD, it seems like you want to keep the rishta out of fear. That's not a good start. Please take some time to think if this is really the right decision for you. A few months of heart break and maybe a few uncomfortable conversations is better than a lifetime of being used and abused and taken for granted.
I dont make a big deal about it with my family b/c I come from a pretty traditional family and my parents would go crazy if they knew how I was being treated by them.
My parents would die if I broke the engagement (as that did cross my mind) =(
Why don't you tell your parents the truth about how you're being treated by your fiance and his family....and then see whether or not they're going to "die" if you break off the engagement.
And I will repeat.....this is just the beginning. The in-laws will NOT change. So go through this marriage only if you're willing to put up with them disrespecting your family for the rest of your life. And don't expect your fiance/husband to support you. If he's not taking your side right now......don't think he's going to somehow switch sides after marriage.
My fiance has been on my side. His family put up a fight to pick my outfits and he let me pick them (which is why I think they have gotten even meaner and took the disrespect towards my family). He told me to trust him and he will do the right thing for me. However, I feel they are also telling him bad things about me and my family.
At the end of the day I think/hope he is going to be on my side. But will we always have arguements between us b/c of his family. The sad thing is that its not sooo much the mother in law. She just feeds off what the sister in laws say and do. She then turns against me too
E) Reconsider marrying into this family. They don't sound like nice people. You're not even married and they're all about making demands and asking for things. Wtf. What happens when you are married? They treat you like the new maid in the house? If there's no respect to begin with between families = consider it a warning sign. It's a big problem. You're not being bought for their son. They don't get to bargain over "your price".
this.
there is a difference in respecting people and letting them walk all over you.
You need to really discuss this with your parents and tell them everything. Trust me, it's no good to hide these things from your parents. it isn't fair to them, esp. when you're not even married yet. Talk to them, see what they say.
I do agree with option E. But yeah, tell your parents everything.
There are lots of hints about this family's mentality in their behavior towards you. Sorry, but demanding gifts is downright cheap, and threatening to cut down on the gifts they're giving you is even cheaper. Not considering your convenience in the nikkah timing is also a red flag.
AND... they're doing this at the start of a relationship, when both parties should be on their best behaviour!
Are you going to live with your in-laws btw? Think carefully about the pros and cons of this rishta. Are you strong enough to deal with their taunts? Will your hubby support you if his parents keep finding faults with you after marriage?
I know I can stick up for myself. My parents are very highly respected individuals and I just didnt want anything I said/did to go back to them. As in talking back and making a statement. But I think I think this has only made the other party think im weak and they have taken that situation to turn it into working their own way.
I decided to fight for my rights a few days ago and think I should stick to that ........if I dont want them to run me over.
Again I should be more clear my fiance is on my side mostly ...........there have been instances when he has been put in a bad situation so he has made excuses. I think for him its more of being stuck in the middle.
I wont have to live with my in-laws but they do live in the same city as me.
This is just totally disrespectful! At times like this, A girl want to be happy, planning her wedding dresses and stuff and most important seeing both families getting along happliy and respecting each other. And what hurts the most is seeing your fiance disrespecting your family. You still have time to re consider.. Do you really want to be tied to this family forever? Think again while you have time. I know it's hard but I think your parents will be much happier in long term if they know whats going on. All parents wants to see their daughter happy!
I know I can stick up for myself. My parents are very highly respected individuals and I just didnt want anything I said/did to go back to them. As in talking back and making a statement. But I think I think this has only made the other party think im weak and they have taken that situation to turn it into working their own way.
all the respect in the world will mean nothing to them if they find out later on that you kept these things from them. they will be hurt and upset and by then it might be too late to offer a solution that will work for everyone. you need to talk to your parents. stop being so concerned with what other people will think, say or do- at this point, be very concerned about yourself and your future. your parents are there to help you and they're always going to be on your side- i strongly urge you to talk to them.
all the respect in the world will mean nothing to them if they find out later on that you kept these things from them. they will be hurt and upset and by then it might be too late to offer a solution that will work for everyone. you need to talk to your parents. stop being so concerned with what other people will think, say or do- at this point, be very concerned about yourself and your future. your parents are there to help you and they're always going to be on your side- i strongly urge you to talk to them.
^ This! You yourself are not showing much respect for your own parents by hiding the truth from them. You need to have more faith in your parents and their ability to put their daughter's happiness first. Be honest with them about everything that's been going on before its too late.
FD ... you're obv not wanting to let go of your fiance .. and thats okay ... if ure attached to him arranged or not ... and if u two are happy .. let it be that way .. the misunderstandings might have been cuz of the family problems obv ..
iv seen this happen .. iv seen the guy being the bad person too .. so if this was the case .. the answer to the entire wedding shud have been NO obv ..
but in this case if u and ur fiance are happy with eachother and the in laws are the main problem .. i think u need to stand up girl .. u gota put a tongue into that mouth and say how u feel and tell ur parents .. bring it up .. ur parents did not raise u for this day ... they will support u if u wana keep the relationship going but the in laws need to be told this aint that age where women were treated like maids .. etc etc
Here is the advice:
- Sort everything out before the wedding ... trust me u wont regret it .. think about ur family .. think about ur parents .. think about his mother, she's gonas grow old right? think about ur future kids .. think about UR life
Get ur parents to talk to them seriously ... its an arranged marriage u shud breathe and not worry .. ure not begging anyone to get married into that kinda family .. its a mutual understanding .. no one in this scenario needs to act like a bee***
Make sure they NEVER walk? even STEP on you before or after the marriage - get your game going on ... ur wedding is YOUR business and you SHOULD care about it ..
....... walking away from a problem is not always the solution in some scenarios .. esp when uv got ur heart into it .. no one is perfect .. im not .. my fiance isnt .. my in laws might not be either .. fate can screw u up in all kindsa ways hun!
take me for example .. im one messed up woman in the head but my family .. my fiance .. my in laws .. put up with me cuz they love me .. by standing up you will not be wrong .. stand up for yourself cuz ure right!