Re: In-laws hid wife's physical issues before marriage
Anyone can any develop medical condition at any stage of their lives. People suffer from heart stroke and half their body is left paralyzed. Should they all be abandoned for it? Try and be supportive to your wife because this is the only positive way you can deal with it.
I think it is less about her condition and more about her parents lying to you. I understand but two wrongs won't make a right. Do not punish her and yourself further by making your lives miserable. Accept it and enjoy other things your lives have to offer with each other.
Pray to God, visit a psychologist - do whatever helps.
Re: In-laws hid wife's physical issues before marriage
Wow people like you still exist who blame their pot belly and baldness on their poor wives. You have a child now and a good dad will not put his lack of horniness before the well being of his child. Your wife gave you a heir and that is the biggest gift a woman can give a man. Love her and respect her for the gift she gave you. If you cant get over a bit of physical problem than you are a little man. What if you get sick or paralyzed, you have already gone unattractive, would you want your wife to be shallow like you. Marriage Vows are for better or worse. A non beleeber like Zuckerberg gave his fortune away to honor his child. I hope you fall to your knees and apologize to that poor girl and thank Almighty for the gift of a child.
Re: In-laws hid wife's physical issues before marriage
Cut it out y'all! He is not saying he doesn't love his wife or is going to leave her OR is name calling her. He is just saying he doesn't feel attracted to her and that can happen to any one of us. Instead focusing on his problem, you guys want to make him feel even worse than he already does. Jeez...
@OP - I thought Psoriasis was treatable. I don't understand why any treatments haven't worked. Maybe it is time to change her dermatologist. There is a lot you can do to help her at home. From making sure she is taking the right drugs to having appropriate topical creams and everything that is made to help her condition that she can use. She can't just use everything everybody else uses.
Re: In-laws hid wife's physical issues before marriage
^^Most young men with a healthy sexual function only require a pulse. If a small skin condition bothers him that much then perhaps he needs to see a doctor also. Next you know people will b blaming their short height on the wifey dear also..lol
In-laws hid wife's physical issues before marriage
at OP, it's a new year. Most of us start with a list of resolutions. Why don't you and your wife join a gym and work on some goals together?
Depression is a state of mind. Change those negative thoughts into positive ones. Write them in a daily journal. Better yet, take 5 min each morning or evening and make this a ritual with your wife. Both of you discuss your accomplishments, blessing, or a simple happy thought of the day. Move fwd with positive thoughts and you'll see you don't have it as bad as you think. =)
Re: In-laws hid wife's physical issues before marriage
^^Most young men with a healthy sexual function only require a pulse. If a small skin condition bothers him that much then perhaps he needs to see a doctor also. Next you know people will b blaming their short height on the wifey dear also..lol
Re: In-laws hid wife's physical issues before marriage
Wow people like you still exist who blame their pot belly and baldness on their poor wives. You have a child now and a good dad will not put his lack of horniness before the well being of his child. Your wife gave you a heir and that is the biggest gift a woman can give a man. Love her and respect her for the gift she gave you. If you cant get over a bit of physical problem than you are a little man. What if you get sick or paralyzed, you have already gone unattractive, would you want your wife to be shallow like you. Marriage Vows are for better or worse. A non beleeber like Zuckerberg gave his fortune away to honor his child. I hope you fall to your knees and apologize to that poor girl and thank Almighty for the gift of a child.
I agree, it must be traumatizing for her to know that her husband is not attracted to her or compares her with others.
Re: In-laws hid wife's physical issues before marriage
I agree, it must be traumatizing for her to know that her husband is not attracted to her or compares her with others.
This older German lady of Royal blood shared with me if only men knew that for every one positive a man gives a woman, woman will give back 10 times more. I often see older white couples walking on the river trails holding hands and still the twinkle in the eyes. We all get old and ugly. Life is about caring and sharing and creating memories together, not about loving the smoothness of a flawless skin.
Re: In-laws hid wife's physical issues before marriage
Cut it out y'all! He is not saying he doesn't love his wife or is going to leave her OR is name calling her. He is just saying he doesn't feel attracted to her and that can happen to any one of us. Instead focusing on his problem, you guys want to make him feel even worse than he already does. Jeez...
The only sensible reply in this thread.
Well of course sensible after my first one, where I genuinely sympathized with op.
Re: In-laws hid wife's physical issues before marriage
The only sensible reply in this thread.
Well of course sensible after my first one, where I genuinely sympathized with op.
Haha..sensible thing would be to just turn the damn lights off. The biggest sexual organ is the brain. For me 15 days in without I would be buying roses for an ogre. What kind of man can go 2 months without.
Re: In-laws hid wife's physical issues before marriage
To all the people who're ridiculing this guy for "not standing up", "to be looking at himself", "to be thinking about his wife instead" ... You guys COMPLETELY miss the point.
This guy was fooled into believing that he was marrying a perfectly healthy woman. Marriage is a bond and its strength is driven by truth, honesty and faithfulness. The girl's condition was pre-existing and had this information been disclosed to him, he most likely would not have married her. Exactly how many of you would marry a person with a medical condition you feel disgusted about? Please walk a mile in his shoes before drawing your conclusions.
Had she developed this condition after marriage, I would have taken a 180 degree opposite stance. In that case, he must have stuck with her, consoled and taken care of her to make each passing day more beautiful.
Now to the original poster....
Brother, trust me when I say that I understand your situation. What you're trying to live with, is not an easy task. Much respect!
In this situation, if you chose to divorce her, the blame will not be unto you. But at every moment in time, we must ask ourselves, "Are we doing what's morally right?" Being just is different from being compassionate, as the latter is valued much highly by the Almighty. Try to focus on the good things your wife has to offer. Maybe she's a good mother, a caring wife, welcoming towards your parents or whatever. This is a long fight, but think of it as your chance to receive rewards and blessings from God for he is not only just but also merciful. Try to fall for her, you'll subconsciously start ignoring her flaws and valuing her qualities.
Re: In-laws hid wife's physical issues before marriage
Agree with Theorist and TLK.
The problem here is not what has already transpired. Obviously we can't do anything about that.
And OP has already said that he doesn't want to leave his wife/family. He's merely asking for help dealing with his current state of mind.
He's doing the right thing....reaching out about a sensitive issue. Let's not penalize him or ostracize him for it because that is what prevents others from speaking about such things.
To OP:
Have you spoken to your wife about your feelings? Even though it is traumatic for a woman to learn that her husband has lost his feelings of passion for her, it is still better to let her know why and that you are concerned and wanting to do something to fix it. At least she may have some hope for a better situation in the future.
Have you considered counselling? There are specialists in this arena.
Ultimately it's not uncommon for a partner to lose interest in intimacy. It could be for a variety of reasons, for you it may not be the physical condition itself but the symptoms of the condition may serve as a reminder that you feel cheated in the original situation.
On the flip side, there may be some other underlying issue and your mind is providing you with a reason....who knows. We are not experts here.
The good in all this is that you are seeking answers. Keep at it sincerely and you will find them.
Re: In-laws hid wife's physical issues before marriage
^^Most young men with a healthy sexual function only require a pulse. If a small skin condition bothers him that much then perhaps he needs to see a doctor also. Next you know people will b blaming their short height on the wifey dear also..lol
Those who have spent their lives jerking off in dorms watching porn will not understand what attraction is. You have lot to learn kid.